Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Oddly enough....

I had an interesting conversation in the temple cafeteria last week--yes, many LDS temples have cafeterias, and I will tell you right now the food is quite good--as I was paying for my fresh fruit and yummy ciabatta roll. The sister at the cash register asked me about my dress and the conversation turned to her and her husband and how nice it is that there are so many couples who work in the temple together. Then, and I saw this coming, she asked if I was married. I said "oh, no, I'm very single!" She said "really?!" Shortly after that, she asked how old I was. I said "I'm 34!" and smiled. She said "REALLY?!" (I get that a lot--I must look much younger than I am) Then, kind-hearted soul she was, she said "I can't believe you're not married! You look like you're a good person who someone should snatch right up!" I laughed and told her I hoped I was a good person and that I was trying to be better. She reassured me that I was and then asked if I wanted to get married. Of course I do, I told her. Of course! Very much! But, I said, I'm not willing to compromise and I'd rather be single the rest of my life than marry someone just to get married. She replied, "Oh, that's wonderful to hear. Good for you! But, if you want to have kids, you should get married soon..."

Oddly enough, I wasn't at all offended. Not a bit. Because she's right. I don't want to be having kids in my 40s, especially when I'm not sure what's going to happen anyway. As far as I know, I'm perfectly healthy, but I come from a long line of women who had hysterectomies or could no longer conceive by the time they were my age. It's a daunting prospect no matter how I look at it. I told this dear sister that she was absolutely right--I want to get married soon and I'm only hoping for one child. Just one. That's all I ask. She said "I wish you to have twins or triplets! Then you could have more than one and get it all over with at once!" I laughed, thanked her, and paid for my food.

I suppose other people would have been terribly offended to have a relative stranger tell them what to do with their lives, but I wasn't. These are all things I've considered at length, from my age and the biological uncertainty to the idea that I may never get married in this life. These are all things that I pray about and strive to find peace with. I know I don't have time to mess around with men who aren't worth it, and I don't have time to put off having children when I'm married...and I feel good about those decisions. I know the Lord is taking care of me and I am going in the right direction even though it often feels as if I'm just running in place.

Somewhere out there is a man going through the same thing. I just hope we manage to find each other soon! And won't that dear sister in the temple cafeteria be happy to hear it?


Roxie said...

I've had some experiences where I could tell the person was being sincere in there comments about my marital status and I wasn't offended at all. Those times are like a breath of fresh air and allow me to truly be honest about my situation rather than having to be guarded about it. And sometimes I think those moments of honesty are more for me than anyone.