Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Not giving up!

(I'm a little unfocused because of fatigue and sitting at a desk for the last 9 hours, so bear with me. I also plan to write more extensively about my feelings on this in another blog.)

I recently had a conversation with my dear friend David about his friend (and my former friend), Diane. He said it appears as if Diane has a boyfriend, but he's worried because this boyfriend also appears to be non-LDS. I know in some other faiths, it isn't a big deal to date or marry someone outside your belief system, but for us, it is. We believe that in order to be married eternally, in order to keep all our covenants, we need to marry someone strong in our faith and be sealed in the temple. The covenants you make in the temple are important and sacred, and not to be treated lightly, not even when it comes to romance.

What struck me about David's story is that Diane might be giving up. She might have convinced herself that no good LDS man is going to want her, so she might as well go with the guy who does. Now, if this all works out, that's great...I think. I may no longer be friends with her, but I don't want her to give up her goals and ideals just to be kissed by some guy! I don't want her to give up eternal marriage for a relationship that might not take her there! I want to shake her (and the other women like her) and say "don't you understand that it's not worth it?!"

I know there are times when this all works, when a couple from different backgrounds and faiths can live happily ever after without any pressure to join or leave a religion or confusion about what belief system their children will follow, but it doesn't always happen that way. I don't want her to get married, thinking she can convert someone, spending all her time and energy trying to change the mind of someone who isn't interested, or who is just using her, or who just married her to have sex. I've seen that happen with family and friends--over and over again, it ends in a bitter divorce that causes serious damage to self-esteem and confidence. I don't want that for her. I don't want her to give up.

Look. The only kiss I've had for the last 3 years was a stage kiss with a man 12 years younger than me. So what? It's just kissing. It's not the end of the world.

Quite frankly, kissing (sex, marriage, whatever) is not worth giving up my covenants and giving up on Heavenly Father's promises.

I will not compromise.


erinannie said...

I'm going to take the very unpopular opposite opinion.
I am active LDS, I'm am endowed, and I intend to always stay active and endowed.
I also intend to some day fall in love with a wonderful man.
I spent the bulk of my 20s not dating a lot of great guys. I would only go on first dates with non-LDS guys, then tell them I couldn't take them because they weren't mormon.
And then I would go out with a lot of LDS guys who thought they were doing me some sort of favor by asking me out, or were keeping a commandment by going on a date.
And you know what I found?
That religion wasn't what mattered.
What matters is that we get along, that we have similar goals, compatible ideals, and that we loved each other.
In my 30s I have come to realize even more that the only thing I want is to love the other person and to be loved back. I'm no longer looking for a guy who fills out my checklist perfectly. I'm not looking for perfection.
I'm looking for love and nothing else.