Without Representation

While Trixie and Roxie have moved on to family wards, I'm still in a singles ward, one of two in my stake. Despite the fact that we make up 20% of the membership of the stake, I don't think they really know what to do with us.

I actually like singles wards, most of the time. I tend to approach them on my terms - not overwhelming myself with trying to attend everything and please everyone, not stressing out about being popular, and remembering to focus on why I'm really attending church.

That said, I recently participated in a stake activity in which each ward was asked to contribute a certain portion of the evening, and I was in charge of my ward's contribution. At the activity, those of us involved from my ward quickly realized we hadn't been given all the guidelines, and would, therefore, stick out from everyone else. When we approached the organizer, she said "Every ward was given the information. At least you have something. You didn't have anything last year."

Of course, it could have happened to any ward, and there were four that didn't participate at all. Unfortunately, considering her response and that our contribution was not exactly well received, being so "out there" from everyone else, it really felt like she and everyone else were saying "Well, that's the singles ward, they do things differently." In talking to the friends I'd worked with on this, who were also embarrassed, I'm not the only one who felt that way.

I also discovered recently that we don't really have representation on the stake level. I understand not having anyone in certain priesthood offices, as those men are generally older, but we don't really even have anyone involved in any of the auxiliaries like the Activities Committee or Relief Society. I think someone from the other singles ward was recently called to the Primary, so I guess that's someone, but it doesn't really have any affect on any other single than her.

While we don't want to be treated differently than any other adult and what should work for the married adults should work for us, I still think it would be good to have representation on stake committees from every ward, even to just as a liason for things like non-Priesthood activities. The bishop does have authority and responsibility for our ward, but he's a busy man and can't be expected to remember to filter every piece of information from every committee to every person who needs to know about it. That's why there is delegation and counselors and auxiliary presidents and committee chairs/members.

In a previous stake, during a reorganization, my ward, the singles ward, was moved to a new building and the latest start time in the stake, because we were the singles. Ranting about it in another online forum, a married woman (who doesn't belong to that stake and whom I don't know) actually confirmed it by saying we have the crappy time because we don't have kids. It sounded like a punishment, the way she put it. Yes, kids wouldn't fare so well with late church. They have nap times and schedules. But, so do adults. The most faithful, I would hope, would attend at any time, because it's being there that's imporant. Unfortunately, our attendance actually dropped until the stake gave in and changed our start time to earlier.

It sometimes feels like stake leadership doesn't know what to do with singles wards, but I hope I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm mostly just ranting at this point. As has been discussed ad nauseum, here and elsewhere, being a single adult in a Church so focused on marriage and family is a strange experience.