Saturday, January 30, 2010

An honest to goodness date

The primary difference between last night's date and my previous "date", was last night was called a date before we went out. It's quite nice, the clarity that exists when you know for certain that it's a date. This was another first date, and a lovely evening at that.

Things that were awesome about this date:

  • He asked me out well in advance. He even used the words "go out" at first, and "date" in a follow up.
  • He researched and planned on a specific restaurant for dinner. I was expecting a "What are you in the mood for?" text, but instead received "Have you ever eaten at ________ ?" He even made reservations.
  • He picked a restaurant that required reservations! A three course restaurant even. This was only the second or third time in my entire dating life I was taken to a restaurant that nice.
  • He looked really great. I don't remember the last time I was out with a guy in a three piece suit.
  • Speaking of pre-date texts, he also kept me posted on his location and texted me as he was on his way. I was picking him up at a mass transit station, and he let me know when he was getting off work, when he was getting on, when he was at the stop prior to mine, and when he was at my stop, and we talked and joked via text in between. When he announced he was at the penultimate stop, I teased him not to get too excited, it was just a stop, to which he responded "It's the symbolism of being that much closer to you!" How sweet is that?
  • We really did enjoy each others' company. Conversation flowed easily, and I didn't even realize that dinner was well over two hours long and the food came out slowly.
It was just a really nice evening. A great first date. We discussed ideas for a second date, and I hope we do go out again. Regardless, it's just good to go out with a good guy once in a while. It had been far too long.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Camels and dating

This year we are studying the Old Testament in Sunday School. Twelve years ago when we were studying it, the story of Abraham's servant finding Rebekah for Isaac stood out to me. It seemed so easy. The servant asks her for water, she waters the camels, and then Rebekah and Isaac get married. No game playing. No wondering if Isaac is going to call. And Isaac loves her. It all seems so easy.

At the time I remember thinking that there would come a day when I'd look back on my life, and with the perspective that hindsight gives us, I'd decide that it really was that easy finding my husband as well.

This year I have a different perspective though. As we read that same chapter it struck me that we have no idea how many women the servant asked to get him water. He could've been standing there all day asking woman after woman to get him some water at the well, before one of them, Rebekah, finally said she'd get water for the camels too. It wasn't just a matter of him walking over to the neighborhood well either, it was a long journey through the desert for him to get there.

And then of course getting water for the camels wasn't exactly a piece of cake for Rebekah. Camels drink a lot of water. And it took a lot of effort for her to get enough water for all those camels. Plus the trust and faith to leave your family and go out into the wilderness with someone.

And then there's Isaac who had enough faith, charity, and love to love the woman who became his wife. That's quite the faith they both had, their first date was their wedding, and it was a blind date.

So I think now, looking at that story, I can learn something different about dating from it than I thought I could 12 years ago. It does take a lot of asking. It takes repeatedly dropping your bucket into the well and drawing it back out again. It takes a journey, even if it's just a metaphorical one. And it takes choosing to develop a lot of faith, charity, and love.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Glimpses of the future

It was a lovely Saturday. Just me and him. We slept late, then went out for brunch. Back at home, we started up our project for the day. After a bit, he was fine on his own, and I was sleepy, so I napped on the couch for a bit. When I woke up, he was waiting for a process to finish on our project and was working on one of his own.

"I'm glad you're up," he said kindly, "Can you give me a hand with this?"

And so I did. We went back to working on our project, and when I wasn't needed, I laid down on the floor near him and read a whole book cover to cover. He also did laundry and picked up the bedroom a little. Throughout the day, we exchanged discussion, banter, and smiles. Eventually, we got hungry again, so we debated dinner options before going to the grocery store together and picking up supplies. Of course, we made dinner together, and it was quite tasty (especially after we microwaved it a little longer so the salmonella didn't kill us). After dinner, we worked on our project until we reached a point it where we'd have to leave it overnight. Then, it was shower time for him and bed time for both of us. I went to bed smiling, knowing we'd finish our project tomorrow and because the whole day was just plain nice.

This day really did happen. In fact, this was last Saturday. The only problem? He = JT. Our project = working on my computers. Obviously, we woke up and went to sleep in our own beds, in our own apartments, and paid separately for brunch. Our banter and smiles were those of close friends. His girlfriend was well informed of the situation, that we'd be getting together for snarled up computer fun. I'm sure she would have been around, except that she was gone on business. We didn't exactly plan to spend the whole day together, but I'm sure he told her. We're also working out a potential double date so she can continue to get to know me as a non-threat.

The point is not look-at-how-just-friends-we-are. The point is that it was a seriously great day with just me and a guy I care about (though just as friends right now - seriously), doing normal, everyday things around the house and enjoying each others' company. Since all I've done for the last few years is try on guys who never last more than a few weeks, it's refreshing to get the occasional glimpse of life with a guy without the tension. After days like this, that remind me what I'm working for, I look forward to it being a permanent thing.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thank you

I've mailed off the last of my thank you cards from my shower and our wedding. HP still has five more to write from our local shindig and then his are all done too. Yeah!

But writing them brought up some issues for me. Some gifts are more appropriate than others. Gifts that make the receiver wonder how in the world they are supposed to word a thank you card can be a bit awkward.

A proper thank you card names the gift and how it will be/has been used.

So was I really expected to write:

Dear Mother-in-law,
Thank you kindly for the lovely lingerie. Your son and I have really enjoyed it while having sex.

Because, well, that's just awkward.

Also awkward:

husband: You look so sexy in that!
wife: Thank you, your mother picked it out for me.
husband: My mother, huh? Um, I think there's a game on I need to watch tonight.

HP doesn't know which ones of my sexy stuff people got us. Because that conversation could be weird.

But I was good. I wrote thank you notes, even for the potentially awkward gifts. I just thanked them for thinking of us and for their thoughtful gift and left it at that.

Monday, January 18, 2010

The boyfriend's girl-friend

Time for another JT update.

So, he's on again with his girlfriend, which is great for them. What's not so great is that apparently she seems to not trust him around other women, which includes me. She's even used me as a specific example, and I'm one of those things she brings up when they're disagreeing about something else and she brings up other things that bother her too. She doesn't even know that it was me that he kissed while they were broken up (just that he kissed someone), so at least I'm not the copy girl to their Ross and Rachel.

I do understand being a protective girlfriend. It was either because I knew I had an attractive boyfriend, or because he did have a tendency to "love the one you're with". In the latter case, I actually vocalized my concern that the time he was spending with this one girl was probably not a good idea, and he agreed, just didn't like that I was getting so worried. Of course, when I found that he got her pregnant . . .

JT and I aren't sure why she doesn't trust him, though she does insist that it isn't a trust thing. However, "I don't think you should spend time alone with Jinxie in private. In public, that's okay, but private is troublesome." definitely sounds like a trust thing to both of us. I do understand it may not be appropriate for married or committed people to spend time alone with members of the opposite gender and we should avoid even the very appearance of evil, but do those people always need chaperones? JT doesn't have a history of cheating, and I wouldn't do anything to sabotage their relationship. He doesn't hide our relationship, or another female friends, from her.

It is still true that we haven't met yet, for various reasons. I don't know if that would help (so she can see I'm not a threat) or hurt (so that she puts a face to the name she uses as ammunition AND sees just how gorgeous I am and I AM a threat (I could enter some self-deprecating remark here, but I won't)), but I'm leaning toward help. She did, in fact, invite me, via JT, to a gathering at her place this last weekend, but I was unable to attend.

I am, admittedly, reluctant to meet her. I think if we all go into this as the trusting, level-headed, friendly adults we are, it will be fine. JT knows I'm nervous. He's probably nervous too.

It looks like we may be meeting tonight. JT promised to help me with something and she wants to spend time around him tonight, even if he's focusing his energy on me.

Fingers crossed!

What do you think about the trust thing? Should girlfriends be okay with the girl-friends of their boyfriends? When does it cross a line?

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Well, this is kind of sad.

At least in 13 Going on 30, *SPOILER ALERT* he marries the fiancee first. Then Jenna wishes herself back in time and then she and Matty get married, after they fast-forward in time, of course. Anyone confused?

Oh, and there is While You Were Sleeping in which she was only fake engaged to the first guy before she fell in love with his brother.

Still, I plan on getting married to my fiance. Whoever he is. Being LDS does reduce the chances of me getting married to the bartender at least.

As they say in The Holiday, you should be the lead in your own life, right? That's definitely my intention. Even if I look a little more like Nia Vardalos than Kate Hudson, they're both gorgeous.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hey hey! Look who had a date!

I had a date this weekend! It was planned ahead, paired off, and paid for. Hey, it even ended with a hug! While neither of us said the word "date", I'd say if it wasn't a date, I don't know what is. In fact, by true definition, it was probably our second or third date.

Honestly, I'm not sure who asked who out. I told him about a subject I was researching just for fun some weeks back and he was intrigued. I then added that I wanted to go a local museum dedicated to the subject after I'd finished my research, and that we should go together. So, when I was ready I told him so and asked "When do you want to go?" He suggested that very Saturday, and we arranged the rest of the details.

The museum was fascinating, and it spawned some interesting discussion between the two of us. We hadn't planned lunch after, but we almost simultaneously suggested it and he ended up paying.

It was really a good date. We've talked since, and we'll probably go out again. Way too early to say if it's anything, but I'm glad for it anyway.

Just thought I'd share the good news.

For further reading, I've discussed my feelings on the definition of dates before, but here are a couple corroborating articles, both religious and secular.

Doing something right

Trixie said she was interested to know when it would hit me that I'm married. While there have been a few moments where that reality has been there for me, for the most part, it really doesn't feel that different than it did before. But I think that's because we did at least one thing right.

Other than living together and the benefits of being married, it still keeps feeling like we are on one big long date. That doesn't mean that we're walking on eggshells or always dressed up and on our best behavior though. Sure that was how our first few dates were, just as the first few always are in any relationship. But for at least a year before we got engaged our dates were just a natural outflow of our daily lives. We saw each other dressed up for dates, but we also saw each other doing laundry, exercising, going to work, studying, in the hospital (it was me in the hospital, and it still ranks as one of HP's favorite days, it might be the drugs they gave me, but it was pretty fun for me too). So now the only difference is, at the end of the "date," we go to the same bed instead of going to different homes.

A friend asked me today how I enjoyed married life, and I told her, honestly, it doesn't feel much different than before. The marriage just flowed naturally from the courtship. To me, that means that somewhere in the mess that can be dating, we must have done something good.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Thanks, but no thanks

One of the talents I envy most in others is the ability to wrap their thoughts and feelings perfectly into 2-5 minute musical segments. There are some songs that just perfectly communicate what I'm thinking and say it better than I ever could.

Roxie made a suggestion for a theme song for this blog. I heartily agree, but I'd like to throw these two in the mix as well.

Unfortunately, thanks to a little surprise I found in my Facebook last night, this is more along the lines of what I'm feeling today. Warning: adult language, which I normally wouldn't put on this blog (or any, really), but she just captures the feelings so nicely. If you'd rather not listen because of that, no problem, as you can get the gist of it from the title.

Remember when I left The Homeland and said I was glad not to have accidentally run into certain people ever again? (Except when I visit, just ask Trixie, I'm on high alert the whole time.) The internet has changed all that. It's also a good confirmation that I really need to work on forgiveness this year.