I promise...

Last night I had no fewer than three people ask me if I'm seeing anyone.  It kind of made me laugh, because I know they just want me to be happy and they think I'm worth dating.  I'm usually not offended when people wonder about my love life.  One of them, a dear elderly man, said he couldn't understand why I wasn't married yet.  He said I was attractive, talented, and smart; I smiled and thanked him and told him I would definitely let him know when I started dating someone.

When I get engaged, I want everyone in the world to know it.  I want them to know that it was worth the wait and all the prayers and tears and questions.  I also want them to know that it is better to be single than to be in a rotten relationship.

I want everyone to see my engagement ring.  I know engagement rings have a controversial history, but I want one.  I want a visible symbol of love and commitment, but when it comes down to it, I'll be happy with something very simple like a plain band.  I want to marry someone observant and thoughtful enough to ignore convention and not be pressured into buying a big diamond just because everyone says he has to.  I want to marry someone who wants to buy me pretty things. 

Let's be honest, though, I do want a really sparkly ring.  And I WILL show it off every chance I get.

What to wear?

There is a part of the wedding day that pretty much nobody talks about. There's a whole industry to sell brides something to wear after they take off their wedding dress, but what about the groom? Is it because I wasn't a groom that I didn't see any of that industry? Except there really isn't an industry to tell grooms anything but, "show up and keep the bride happy" for weddings. Which is a whole other topic.

Before we got married, we actually compared preferences in women's stuff, which led me to ask him what he was going to wear that night, because it suddenly occurred to me that nobody ever talks about that. I won't say what his hilarious suggestion was or what he actually ended up with. But you'd think there would be more discussion about some kind of transition between wedding day and wedding night for all parties involved.

For time and all eternity

In one month from today, Roscoe and I will be entering the temple to sealed for time and all eternity. Forever! What a blessing!

From the church website about temples:

Sealing

Another temple ordinance is the sealing ordinance, in which husbands and wives are sealed to each other and children are sealed to their parents in eternal families. This means that if we are faithful to our covenants, our family relationships will continue for eternity. People sometimes also refer to this ordinance as “temple marriage” or “eternal marriage.”

This is the kind of marriage I have always wanted and I'm so happy to have found someone who will enter into that covenant with me! 

Bridal shower

Today, some darling friends threw me a bridal shower. They offered shortly after our engagement, which was incredibly kind of them, and it was really lovely. At first it was awkward, though only on my end, because I'm not always the center of attention. Then I relaxed and just enjoyed being in the company of wonderful women whom I love and who love me and who are so happy for me.

Were there a few no-shows that I missed? Of course, but that's okay. I was more than blessed by the presence of those who did come.

Naturally, the awkwardness returned as I opened a couple of the gifts, but even so, I knew I was safe in their company. I anticipate everything will come in handy!

It was a great few hours. I am truly a blessed woman!

Themes! (or not)

Confession - Our wedding had a theme. The theme was "inside jokes between HP and Roxy." And the theme was subtle enough that most people didn't even notice. We were happy to explain it to anyone who was interested though.

Note though, that our theme was about us. We were not recreating some movie or book (although weddings of readers that feature books is not bad, but you are getting married, not characters in a book). So I've gotta say, I agree with this article: Don't have a Hunger Games wedding

I particularly liked this quote:

"By the by, this goes for you boys with your flash-mob, social-media, and Muppet-inspired proposals, too. The most powerful, ballsy move in the world is looking a woman in the eye and simply asking her to spend the rest of her life with you. Everything else is a cheap stunt."

Maybe it's the introvert in me, but the power of the proposal is the energy between the two people, not the stunt and crowd that surrounds them.

Whirlwind

Hello strangers. Last we spoke, I was giving online dating a shot. I went on a few dates, mostly duds. Well, all duds eventually. John Denver also turned out to be a disaster.

So I threw myself back into school and work and the single life I actually enjoyed.

And then I got a layoff notice.

And then I met someone.

And I spent the summer unemployed and falling in love (and doing some school work) and blogging was not high on my priority list.

And now? I'm getting married next month! And planning our wedding! And moving into our new apartment! Oh, and I'm working part-time and prepping for graduation next semester.

So, life is busy, but oh so wonderful. My fiancé, Roscoe Jones, is amazing and I can't wait to be his wife!

I'm going to try and use some of this month's NaBloPoMo and tell some of our story. Or talk about wedding plans. Or, on busy days, share some of my favorite quotes about love.

I am an incredibly blessed woman. Roscoe has definitely been worth the wait!

My brother is a husband now

The wedding was marvelous. Wonderful. Beautiful. Just as it should have been. It made me so happy to see my brother so happy and I can't even begin to describe the feeling that exists in the sealing room of the temple (where we as worthy members of the LDS church hold weddings that will be bound on earth and in heaven forever) when you witness the creation of a new eternal family, especially one that is an extension of your own. Needless to say, I cried many tears of joy watching my punk brother and his lovely bride make covenants they intend to keep always. To get married in the right place at the right time to the right person is one of the most important things about this life and I knew that my brother and new sister-in-law were doing just that.

My fears about welcoming this new person into our family? Much tempered. She was nervous about meeting me too and even texted me the day before we met that she hoped I didn't think she sucked.

I certainly do not!

I fit right into the group at her bachelorette party and comfortable around her family as I met them throughout the next few days. When it was just us, we had no awkwardness and I really started to feel like she was my sister.

My brother didn't realize until it was almost too late that by marrying her, he was bringing another woman into the family where the women already outnumber the men, making the ratio now 2:1. Almost as soon as the four of us sat around a table alone for the first time (crafting for the reception, natch), we quickly started discussing things like cervical fluid and birth control. My brother had joined us, at the insistence of his now wife, just before the conversation went the direction and almost immediately regretted that decision.

Heh. Sorry, bro, but if you're about to be married and doing the things married people do, you're going to have to learn to deal with that topic. Though I will concede you probably don't want to know how your sisters collect their menstrual fluid.

Still, it was a conversation that gave me reason to look forward to more relaxed conversations in the future. Are we BFFs yet? No, but we're on our way. We're building a relationship of trust and love and I really do like her. I was even of more assistance during the wedding dinner than her own sisters, which I think was an important bonding moment.

She suits my brother well. Their commonalities, complimentary differences, patience, and love are evident, and I have faith in the lasting nature of their relationships. I'm very glad they found each other!

Welcome to the family, sister-in-law! May we all be as lucky in love as you are now!

First dance

Two years ago tonight we had our "first dance" as a married couple. We'd danced before, probably even to the same song. It felt like we were the only two people in the room.

But honestly, I think I'll like the dance we'll have tonight even more when we really will be the only two people in the room.

Last year we danced to our song in our living room on our anniversary as well, it's my new favorite tradition. Things just get more fun as we go.

Sister-In-Law

My brother gets married this week. My younger brother. My only brother.

Mostly, I'm so happy for him and excited to get to know this new sister he's bringing into our family.

However, there is some weirdness, which I think is mostly just getting used to the idea. You see, I've never met his future wife. I'll get to meet her a couple of days before the ceremony, but we won't have much time to really get to know each other because those days will be chock full of last-minute wedding prep and masses of other family and friends. I've met her via Skype and we've been Facebook friends for some time now, but that's hardly sufficient.

The rest of my family, on the other hand, has spent lots of time with her. Even my own blood sister, who I also haven't seen in almost two years, calls our new sister a BFF. I'm actually afraid that not being there from the beginning will hurt the rest of our relationship. I'm afraid that I'll always be this outsider and we'll never have the kind of relationship we ought to.

Of course, I'm likely paranoid. If she's as awesome as she seems from her Facebook and from reports from my brother and family, we're going to hit it off right away. And even if we don't? We have eternity to figure it out. My brother really, really loves her, so I'm going to welcome her into our family and just be excited to have a new sister!

I think the other weirdness stems from the fact that this is the first wedding in my immediate family. We've been just the five of us for nigh on thirty years, or a little more than 20 if you count when my sister joined us, and now we are six. Forever. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that this woman I've never met is going to be one of us for the rest of time and all eternity. Not only am I getting a sister-in-law, I am now someone else's sister-in-law!

And yes, there is a little bit of jealousy. Most of the time, as the oldest, it's my job to do things first. But not this. I promise, however, that jealousy is just a tiny part of it.

So, tell me, friends with siblings-in-law - how did you get through the weirdness of welcoming a new family member?

True Love Waits

A non-LDS bride recently posted on A Practical Wedding about why she waited to have sex until they were married, and her experiences before and after the fact. I wish I could have written that post (and only partly because it would mean that I was married and having sex by now ;) ), but it pretty perfectly sums up our own feelings here at IWS.

Check it out.

Nobody likes me!!

How many times have we all thought that? Especially when it comes to relationships (or being a teenager). But if I really think about it, it's not quite true. It needs to be expanded to "Nobody I like likes me!!" and then it's true.

HP and I had three friends get married within two months of our wedding, and attending each of their receptions was very interesting for us. As we left the first one HP turned to me and said that the groom definitely had a thing for me. Which is not something you should be saying about someone who just got married. But it was probably true. Thing is, the guy never had a chance with me, for a lot of reasons. So he liked me, but he wasn't someone I ever thought of more than to associate his name with his face.

There have been several guys over the years who liked me or would've pursued me if I'd let them. But none of them ever really had a chance. And I'm sure the opposite was true more than once as well, that I liked guys who I never had a chance with either.

And I've also had friends who spent a couple of years liking each other at different times, he'd like her and she'd be ho-hum about it, and then he'd get over it and she'd like him. They finally managed to like each other at the same time and have been married for over six years now.

So it's not just about being liked, it's about being liked by the right people at the right time. That's a lot to coordinate.

Thank you

I've mailed off the last of my thank you cards from my shower and our wedding. HP still has five more to write from our local shindig and then his are all done too. Yeah!

But writing them brought up some issues for me. Some gifts are more appropriate than others. Gifts that make the receiver wonder how in the world they are supposed to word a thank you card can be a bit awkward.

A proper thank you card names the gift and how it will be/has been used.

So was I really expected to write:

Dear Mother-in-law,
Thank you kindly for the lovely lingerie. Your son and I have really enjoyed it while having sex.
Love,
Roxie

Because, well, that's just awkward.

Also awkward:

husband: You look so sexy in that!
wife: Thank you, your mother picked it out for me.
husband: My mother, huh? Um, I think there's a game on I need to watch tonight.

HP doesn't know which ones of my sexy stuff people got us. Because that conversation could be weird.

But I was good. I wrote thank you notes, even for the potentially awkward gifts. I just thanked them for thinking of us and for their thoughtful gift and left it at that.

More than words

I've been trying for a while to figure out what I wanted to say today. I knew I'd be writing today after having come back from my wedding and I should probably summarize the week. But I really don't know how. I could sit down and give the chronological story of what happened. But that wouldn't give you a good view of what it was.

The weekend was a wonderful time of family and friends and smiles and good food and music and beauty and peace. Sure there were one or two things that didn't go as planned at first and had to be fixed, but very few people even knew about those things. There was a moment of panic when we couldn't find my bag with my temple clothes and one of the three papers we needed to get married. Turns out it had been in my parents' car and my mom had grabbed it to be helpful, not thinking I'd panic in the parking lot. But everything else went real smoothly. Even the insane snow storm didn't really cause too much of a problem.

The whole time we'd said that as long as we were married at the end of the day, everything was okay. We said it long enough that it really was true. And at the end of the day we were married. And the peace of it was palpable. And I don't know how to put that in to words.

For now, I'll just say that my favorite thing is that we now say, "good night," instead of, "good-bye."

There is Love...

As Jinxie posted earlier, we got to be with Roxie on her wedding day, and it was wonderful. I have to admit that Jinxie and I both cried when Roxie and HP danced to their song. The room was FULL of love and it was wonderful. Wonderful wonderful.

Anyone there could tell that Roxie and HP love each other with a deep and secure love--the kind that isn't frantic or desperate or full of stress--and it spilled over onto everyone at the reception. There was a definite sense of calm and peace about them. And I did cry. Jinxie and I put our arms around each other and cried together and said "someday..." Someday, that will be us. Someday, all this waiting and faith and work and hope will be rewarded.

Someday, it will all be worth it.

Last night was hard for me, though; it didn't seem worth it at 1 AM when disappointment darkened my soul. I don't think it's a coincidence that I had a setback the day after a wonderful spiritual wedding, and it took some time for me to sort it out and start to make sense of it. This morning a friend posted this passage from Isaiah on her blog and it touched me so much. It reconfirmed that God makes up the difference:

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Despite it all, life is pretty good. Especially when there are promises like that to anticipate and hope and pray for.

Someday, I will know that I am loved with a deep and secure love, and that day will be wonderful!

Happiness is...

(My last post prompted some friendly and understandable controversy that I am very sympathetic to, so I'll keep today's pretty light. :) )

Remember a few months ago when I blogged about being happy for other people? I still feel the same way. I recently found out another friend is getting married and my first reaction wasn't the "oh man! What about me?" kind of thing I've had before. It was a reaction of honest happiness for her. No thinking about it, no convincing myself--just wanting to give her a big hug and smile and cry because she's so happy. I do envy her a little, but I don't envy her (and her family) putting together a wedding in less than 6 weeks! However, if it's right, and you can pull it off, why not get married in 6 weeks?

It's been a relief to not have to deal with the envy and jealousy I previously felt. I'm honestly happy for all my friends who are getting married or having children or registering their kids for high school. Honest, untainted happiness is, I think, one of the rarest emotions humans experience, and it's wonderful when we can finally experience it! Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's perspective, maybe it's being raised right, but I treasure and try to remember the times I am honestly happy for someone else. It helps me be the person I want to be, and that's pretty cool.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet

While that's what Shakespeare said, I don't think it's completely true. A name is not just a sound associated with an object, it is a part of that object.

I've had my name for more than 30 years. It's not just what I am called, it's who I am. And so when people ask me if I'm changing my name after I get married, the honest answer in my mind is that I'm not. I'm taking HP's name. I'm adding that. But I'm not changing my name to something else. I'm still me, I should still have my name.

Yesterday I was filling out a donation slip at church and realized that it will be the last time when I fill in the spot for "full name" that I'll write my name as it is now. That was a weird moment for me. I'm not sad about it, it's just a little strange.

When I told HP about that moment he said he's still not used to seeing my name with his like that. I found that very comforting, that it's an adjustment to him as well.

And why shouldn't it be? He's known me for several years, and while he has a few pet names for me which I love, he's only known my name as the one I've had from birth.

It's nice to know that this addition to my name is an adjustment not only for me but probably for everyone around me as well. I'm suddenly wondering what kind of adjustment it will be for my family, the only people who have known me my whole life. That has to be big for them too.

The next time you hear from me, I'll still be Roxie on this side of the computer, but on the other side of the computer I'll have a different name. Should be a fun weekend. :)

Something's in the Air...

I found out recently that another of my dear friends is getting married. When I found out he was dating his now-fiancee, I was so happy for him. He seemed so settled and at peace with himself and his life, and while she's several years younger than him, they really are perfect together. I attended the (beautiful and inspiring) wedding of a (beautiful and inspiring) mutual friend a couple of weeks ago and had a chance to talk to him--he glows now. It's amazing and beautiful and I am very very happy for them!

I have to confess, however, that I feel a little left out at the same time. This year will have seen four of my closest friends becoming engaged/married, and one of those four break up in some of the same circumstances of my own broken engagement. It's funny how you can hurt for one person so much at the same time you want to shout from the rooftops with another person, isn't it? It's funny how you can be so happy for your loved ones and a little sad for yourself at the same time, isn't it? It's not necessarily that I feel SORRY for myself (I do have a good life with a lot of things going for me), but my heart hurts a little that I don't have what they have. Gina, the friend going through the bad breakup, turned to me at the wedding (we were at the same table as Billy at the luncheon) and said, looking at the very happy couple, "they really love each other, don't they?" I replied "yes, honey, they do. That's what you want and that's what you deserve!" She said "I do deserve it, don't I?" and my heart broke for her. Right now, she doesn't know what it's like to be loved for exactly who she is. She thought he did at the beginning, but then he tried to change her because he was threatened by her intelligence and beauty and talent. No one should do that. No one should insist on changing someone else's God-given nature just because he or she is insecure. No one should try to force someone to subdue his or her spirit--that's called "unrighteous dominion" and, as far as I'm concerned, is as bad a sin (if not worse) than adultery or physical abuse.

I suppose I'm so affected by Gina's current situation because it's so devastatingly familiar (I'm not going to go into that now) and I'm so affected by Billy's situation because it is the Dearest Wish of My Heart to love and be loved like that. It's a strange mix of emotions--happy that my friends are so happy, sad that they're sad, angry that people think they can treat others so badly, and left out because I want a wedding and a marriage too! It doesn't really help that, over the last year especially, I've felt something coming and I tend to impatience. I have to remember that the Lord has all this in His hands and that I just need to do the best I can to live a good and productive life and help others.

I'm so very happy for Billy and Cyd (and Betty and James), so happy at the prospect for me, but so sad for Gina and myself that we don't have the thing we want most. I hope, when we finally have it, we never take it (or him) for granted, but will cherish and honor the gift we've been given. Those two wonderful couples give me hope that all promises will be fulfilled and that my Heavenly Father hasn't forgotten or given up on me.

The tricky part is remembering it all on the bad days...

We will NOT be registering for the creme brulee torch kit

You know that feeling when all of your wishes and dreams suddenly come true and it's the best feeling in the world?

This is better than that.

You know how sometimes you wish your life could be as romantic as the movies?

They don't write movies this well.

Saturday night the Boyfriend did one of the most romantic things I have ever heard of or thought of. In the sweetest, most thought out, most romantic, wonderful, perfect of ways, he asked me to be his wife. And I said yes.

It feels like a dream, but it's real. I'm 30 years old. And I'd wait another 30 for this if I had to. I couldn't have imagined anything like this. I've been struggling since with just how to thank my Heavenly Father for answering years and years of prayers that there was somewhere a man who would love me this much. I don't know that I'll ever find the right words.

Also, he's not exactly my boyfriend any more, and I'm against French terms for engaged people, so I shall be calling him my Handsome Prince (HP) from now on. It works for him in more ways than one.

As to the title of this post, my brother and his future wife did register for a creme brulee torch kit. They're that kind of people. HP and I are not. I have no idea what to do with a creme brulee torch, and I'm a little scared of what he'd find to do with one. So when I was trying to think of a clever "I'm engaged" post title, that came to mind.

When we wonder what they're thinking

I think I know my thoughts rather well. But there are oh so many times where I wish I knew the thoughts behind the actions of others. I seem to be having them frequently lately, and all of them with regards to the boyfriend. What exactly is he thinking? Not that I don't mind the actions, I'm just curious as to the thoughts behind them.

Take tonight for instance. Tonight we went to the movies. We used to do that a lot. But then we started doing a lot more staying in activities and we haven't gone out much. But tonight we went to the movies. And at the mall even, not the cheap theater.

We arrived about 45 minutes before the movie started, so after buying our tickets we wandered around a bit. As we headed back to the theater, he walked us through a jewelry store. Um, huh. We did a slow walk through and he asked me what kind of jewelry I liked as he was leaning over some ring cabinets. Never had a guy ask me that before.

The movie was great. Absolutely loved it. Sooo much fun!

But if I said like I felt like I was sitting on a ticking bomb, would that give you a visual to how I'm feeling a bit? Only it's a real good bomb full of rainbows and bubbles and flowers and butterflies. Not the destructive kind of bomb. I just wish I could find the timer device so I had a better idea when it was going off. This is just so weird. I have no idea what to make of it.

This is big, right?

Going to a family thing that's in town and you don't have to take time off work for is one thing, right? But taking several days off work and traveling across the country for a family thing is a whole different thing, isn't it? And if it's a family wedding rather than a family picnic, that makes a difference too, doesn't it?

This is going to be a whole fun experience and I'm suddenly a lot more excited about taking this trip myself because I won't be doing it by myself.