Thursday, July 28, 2011

Just like dad

My parents visited earlier this year and discovered that HP likes a particular television show. After returning home my dad started watching the show, even though he doesn't like it. His reason was so he could "bond" with HP. Which is sweet. But I thought surely there must be something they could both do that they would both like.

I spent quite a while trying to figure out what that might be. I'd think of something my dad enjoys and then realize that that is something he and I share. And then I'd think of something HP enjoys and realize that is something that he and I enjoy. The only thing I could think of that they have in common is me, and even that is different between them (thankfully).

And I found the whole situation strange. Growing up my dad was the ultimate example of what a husband and father should be. If I was asked to make a list of the guy I wanted to marry, it would've been all the attributes my dad had, even down to some of his physical characteristics.

And then there's HP. Who matches pretty much none of that list. And yet that's perfectly okay. They both have a strong testimony and love of the Gospel. And that's really the most important. They'll find something to bond over eventually.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A major *facepalm*

Once upon a time, a boy and a girl met. He was a massive flirt, she was working on it. He asked her to prom, she accepted, and they had the first of many lovely evenings spent together.

Over the next eight years, this boy and this girl were somewhat on and off again. They went from friends to dating to back to friends to losing touch for over a year, maybe two, to friends to dating to friends, to, well you get the idea.

Then one day, having grown up a little, they decided to really give a relationship a shot. The boy was going to end things with the girl he was currently seeing; the girl was going to wait patiently. Or at least wait.

Once his previous relationship was over, things were starting to look up for this young couple. They'd known each other for quite some time by now, so they were able to skip all the "getting to know you" bits and go straight to the heart of the matter. Long, in depth conversations were had. They grew closer, and the girl suspected she might actually be falling in love.

The one unsuspecting Friday, the boy announced that the Last Girl was pregnant, and it was his, and the timing was such that it must have happened AFTER This Girl was told they had ended it.

This Girl was absolutely shocked. The boy was a returned missionary from their church and they'd spent time together in the temple, wherein they'd both made covenants to wait until marriage. So how could Last Girl be pregnant, especially after their breakup!?

This Girl did exactly what you might expect her to do. She expressed her extreme disappointment and proceeded to end their relationship, friendly or otherwise, and cut off all communication. Nearly a decade of friendship, at the very least, thrown out the window.

That was three years ago. Occasional attempts have been made by the boy to resume contact, but they've been either ignored or met with a negative response.

Until today. For some reason, This Girl is still on his list of people he emails interesting links to things. These come through once every several months, but today she asked him to remove her from this list, and thanked him.

His response?

"Done. You'll never hear from me again. -Boy"

Holy petulant response, Batman.

Look, sir, This Girl wishes you well, is no longer angry, and hopes you get the best in life, honestly, but wants no part of it, and you can hardly be surprised or hurt by it.

I, I mean, This Girl won't be responding and honestly hope that he grows up someday.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Hanging In There

Well, it's been two weeks since the demise of my relationship with Sk8er Boi. I'll be honest, I still miss him, though it is transitioning from missing him to just missing being in something.

This is a good sign.

I still get really angry sometimes and go through all the "Why not this time? When do I get to be happy? Why does no one else notice me?" and bang my fists into my pillows. Sometimes, I still get really sad, like someone is missing.

I still want to text someone (usually him) goodnight, but who in the world wants to hear from me late at night?

I long for a hug. A good one. That neither person wants to end.

I really hate this conversation:

Well-meaning person I know: How's/Where's Sk8erBoi?

Jinxie: He's well, I'm sure/I don't know. We actually broke up.

Well-meaning person I know: Oh, I'm sorry! Why?

Jinxie: Timing.

If it's a friend, and a private conversation, maybe I'll go more into it, and maybe they already knew anyway. Acquaintances at church who met him once at a party? I'm not going into that, thankyouverymuch.

I wonder if he thinks about me.

On the bright side, I'm getting back into my usual sleeping schedule. I have more positive hours and days than not. I have some really incredible friends, and I'm glad to be spending time with them. And tonight, I might actually fold the laundry I haven't touched (other than to dig clothes out of) for weeks.

As always, I'm taking it one day at a time. Yes, the relationship was only two months (or so) long, but considering my recent (as in the last 6 years) history, that's pretty significant, and it's a real loss. I'm allowed to take some time and mourn it and get back to the business of me. Considering some other shakeups to my schedule that happened around the same time that have freed up other non-date evenings, it's no wonder I'm feeling a little lost right now. It's bizarre, since I remember what it was like to be totally single and thriving, since it was only April for heaven's sake, so why do I feel so wander-y?

It's coming. I feel the healing and the joy returning and I will take back my life. Something better is out there, and I'm on my way.

And that is a good feeling.

Friday, July 1, 2011

See ya later, boy

Well, I guess I was right to worry. Sk8er Boi apparently did spend time on his vacation thinking things through about his life and our relationship and decided we couldn't have one and he came back and we broke up. Then I got so sad that I haven't been able to eat or sleep the way I should, let alone write about it.

Short version: It sucks.

Longer version: We were an unlikely match right from the beginning. He's several years my junior and we're, appropriate to our age differences, at different places in our life and career paths - in that I have one and he doesn't - not to mention several other differences between us. Originally, and we discussed it length on our second date, we weren't concerned yet. Aware, not stupid, but not concerned. We'd take things slow and figure out just how big of a difference our differences were as they came up.

While he was soaking up sun rays, he finally realized that he's a little lost right now and doesn't know what direction to go and can't give me the time and attention I deserve while he figures it out. It's not me, he assured me repeatedly, I'm special and "not going to be just another girl" that he dated, but we can't be together right now. He still has feelings for me.

It makes sense, really. I sincerely appreciate that he had the maturity to realize that and the guts to tell me in person. I'm not even mad at him, just mad at the situation. He's the most fun I've had in a long time and the only man who's really looked at me like he did for ages. I really miss him

Maybe one day we'll get our timing right. Maybe I'll find someone else even better.

Until then, I had some wonderful friends rally around me last weekend. I've changed my hair a little. And I have three parties to attend this weekend, one full of all new (to me) people, since I only know the host.

It's going to be okay. I wish Sk8er Boi well, and know that this may the end of us, it's not the end of me.