Monday, January 24, 2011

Ready to run

For the first time that I can think of, I actually wanted to stand someone up this weekend. It seemed easier than going through with a date I couldn't think of any reason I wanted to be on and having to tell him in person "Thanks, but no thanks" to any future dates. I even contemplated just driving off halfway when I made a quick jaunt to my car to stash my leftovers from the restaurant before going to the movie.

Of course, I didn't. The date wasn't actually awful or even as awkward as I feared it might be, and he was gentleman enough. I just haven't ever been nor ever anticipate being interested in him.

I was looking forward to it well enough when he first asked me. We've been casual friends for the last few years, introduced by a mutual friend. I figured a harmless date between two casual friends might be a nice evening to catch up.

But then, once I accepted, he started texting me every single day. Multiple times a day. He invited me over to his house (where I've never been before and I didn't accept), wanted to talk on the phone around midnight at least once, and overall made it very clear that he liked me way more than I liked him. I was suddenly uncomfortable and worried that he might try something if he even remotely sensed the go ahead.

On top of that, the date was ill-planned (it took no less than three conversations to decide on the restaurant, which was decided in the first conversation) and this woman with a Masters and a career is just not impressed by someone who lives at home working random temp jobs even two years after graduation from college. Among other things.

Sad, but true.

If there is a lid for every pot, this was not just a case of the wrong size of stewpot, but more like I'm saucepan and he's Tupperware. There's just no way it will work.

At least it was a date. He seemed understanding about my decline for a next time and the texts have slowed significantly (once to thank me later that evening and a "What's up?" yesterday that I left unanswered). It's at least flattering to be asked, I just hope that next time the feeling is more mutual.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Beauty or Beastly?

I must say I was rather intrigued to read about dating on Scientific American. Many things intrigue me there, which is why I browse it regularly. But the science of dating always seems a bit odd. This particular article is titled "Play Up That Ugly Trait" which is definitely attention grabbing.

After analyzing lots of data on an online dating site they found a correlation between how much attention she got and how controversial her beauty was rated. We're going to ignore the whole rating beauty thing right now because that has other issues. It seems that when some men thought a women was beautiful and other men thought she definitely wasn't, the woman got a lot more messages than if all the men thought she was beautiful.

Of course you can't assign cause to correlation, but it is an interesting observation nonetheless.

I think for me, I don't need everyone to think I'm beautiful/smart/lovable, as long as the people that matter do. The rest of the world can hate me for it, sometimes that just makes things more interesting.

Monday, January 10, 2011

First date of 2011!

I had a date. Hooray!

It was a good date too. We're fortunate to live in a city with lots of options, way better than the traditional dinner and a movie, and we took advantage of one of them.

We spent mid-day downtown playing tourist at a local museum. It involved lots of walking, talking, and even some educational problem solving. We were both famished afterward and there were several dining options near us, but he offered to make lunch back at his place and I happily took him up on it. Tasty! He even told me about mealtime traditions in a country he recently spent time in which we then recreated and extended our lunch a bit. It was really nice getting to know each other and just having a good, relaxed time. I'd definitely like to see him again.

Now, my general rule is that if I ask a guy out for our first date, then the ball is in his court. I've made my indicators of interest, so it's his turn. In this case, I'll be seeing him around and will keep flirting and getting to know him, and we'll see what happens.

Either way, it was a date! It's a good way to start the year!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Grain of Salt

As much as I wish there were, there is no magic pill or answer for how to find my future spouse. Two unique individuals who find each other, like each other at the same time, and choose to love each other for the rest of forever is nothing short of a miracle. But until that time, what do those of us who are still looking do?

I can only really think of four things.

Be the Best You

Unless you're an axe murderer, you're probably a really great person and there is someone out there for you. So what if some people think you're too weird or too bookish or too loud? Even weird, bookish, and loud people can find love. Now, there are always things we can improve about ourselves, whether it's exercising more, learning a new talent, or being a better sister/friend/daughter, but as long as you're a fundamentally good person striving to be the best person you can be, good things will come to you.

Be Patient

Most of us will not marry the first person we seriously date. Most of us will have to wait longer than we wish we had to in order to find our mate. But it will happen. Someday. As Mormons, we do believe that if it's not in this life, it will be in the next, provided we did the best we could here. But it WILL happen! This one is particularly hard for me, because I want it NOW, but if I have to wait, I'll wait.

Be Kind

Dating sucks. There's too much uncertainty and weirdness and wondering. But we all have to go through it. We might as well be nice about it. If you have to turn someone down, do so politely. If you need to break up with someone, don't just stop calling or disappear, just tell them. We're all adults and we all have the capability of acting like it.

Take Risks

Only in p0rn does the woman of the house meet someone who just happens to be stopping by (delivery boy/mailman/etc.). The rest of us have to get out there and make a little effort. Be true to yourself, so if you're not the bar type, don't go to bars. But do something. Talk to that cute guy, go out with someone you'd never usually think of going out with, etc. Today, I asked a guy out for next weekend, and he said yes! Call me traditional, but I don't like asking guys out. I did it anyway, and who knows where it might lead?

Any other advice you may hear, even from us? Totally based on individual preferences and what worked for someone else. Take what you like, leave what you like. Just be the best you, be patient, be kind and take a few risks. The rest will work itself out.

Or so I hear. :)