Monday, January 18, 2010

The boyfriend's girl-friend

Time for another JT update.

So, he's on again with his girlfriend, which is great for them. What's not so great is that apparently she seems to not trust him around other women, which includes me. She's even used me as a specific example, and I'm one of those things she brings up when they're disagreeing about something else and she brings up other things that bother her too. She doesn't even know that it was me that he kissed while they were broken up (just that he kissed someone), so at least I'm not the copy girl to their Ross and Rachel.

I do understand being a protective girlfriend. It was either because I knew I had an attractive boyfriend, or because he did have a tendency to "love the one you're with". In the latter case, I actually vocalized my concern that the time he was spending with this one girl was probably not a good idea, and he agreed, just didn't like that I was getting so worried. Of course, when I found that he got her pregnant . . .

JT and I aren't sure why she doesn't trust him, though she does insist that it isn't a trust thing. However, "I don't think you should spend time alone with Jinxie in private. In public, that's okay, but private is troublesome." definitely sounds like a trust thing to both of us. I do understand it may not be appropriate for married or committed people to spend time alone with members of the opposite gender and we should avoid even the very appearance of evil, but do those people always need chaperones? JT doesn't have a history of cheating, and I wouldn't do anything to sabotage their relationship. He doesn't hide our relationship, or another female friends, from her.

It is still true that we haven't met yet, for various reasons. I don't know if that would help (so she can see I'm not a threat) or hurt (so that she puts a face to the name she uses as ammunition AND sees just how gorgeous I am and I AM a threat (I could enter some self-deprecating remark here, but I won't)), but I'm leaning toward help. She did, in fact, invite me, via JT, to a gathering at her place this last weekend, but I was unable to attend.

I am, admittedly, reluctant to meet her. I think if we all go into this as the trusting, level-headed, friendly adults we are, it will be fine. JT knows I'm nervous. He's probably nervous too.

It looks like we may be meeting tonight. JT promised to help me with something and she wants to spend time around him tonight, even if he's focusing his energy on me.

Fingers crossed!

What do you think about the trust thing? Should girlfriends be okay with the girl-friends of their boyfriends? When does it cross a line?

3 comments:

TRS said...

I say... I have no problem with my man spending time with women friends UNTIL I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT!
Then, if I have a problem with it, he should, out of respect for me - see her only in my company - if at all. And of course the reverse is true.

I'm not an unreasonable woman. if I am suspicious - there is a justifiable reason.

Jinxie said...

But what if there is no reason given? Just a sudden change of trust after three years together? That's what I'm confused about.

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