Saturday, November 7, 2009

The closet

We all have things about ourselves that we keep hidden. And when you are single that is relatively easy. You are the only person with full access to your world and life and nobody can see what you have hiding in your closet unless you let them. Opening those closets to people takes a LOT of trust. Some of those skeletons in there can seem pretty scary, even to the person who put them there.

Hiding in my closet is the fact that I am a slowly recovering pack rat. So it literally is my closet I keep hidden. Opening up that (those) closet(s) and moving in with my husband is slightly scary. Yes he helped me move in to my current place a while back. But moving random boxes from moving truck to apartment is one thing. Moving those same boxes (some of which, ashamedly, I haven't even opened since they were pulled off the moving truck) to his house where he can easily see how many boxes I have when I know that he doesn't really have anything just sitting around in storage, is something completely different. Thankfully he hasn't said anything.

I've known I have this pack rat problem for years. My mom could tell embarrassing stories from when I was a very small child if I ever let her. And it's bothered me for years too. I just can't let go of things, even when there is absolutely no logical reason for me to hold on to them. And I wish I could. I wish I lived more simply. I think of my ancestors who could put everything they owned in one small trunk and I wonder if they'd be ashamed of how much crap I have.

I am getting better though. It's been almost with a bit of a "take that" attitude that I've thrown out some things from past relationships that I've had around. And when I get a chance I'm going to pull out those boxes I haven't opened since I last moved and probably get rid of most of it. And I've even already taken a full trunk load and donated it to Deseret Industries.

Maybe some day I'll have room in my closet to hid metaphorical stuff. But right now I still need the room to hide actual stuff. For this day, I'm just grateful that HP isn't scared of this particular skeleton I've been hiding. I'm kind of curious if there are any other skeletons hiding behind all my crap.


TRS said...

I suffer from the same affliction!

There are things that I have saved for "when I have a house someday." a whole house, not just a 740 sq ft condo! Things for "when I have a kid someday." and various other special occasions that have not yet arrived in the nearly 40 years of my life.

And the advice that says if you haven't worn it in 6 months or a year - pitch it - are you kidding me? If I love it and just haven't had the occasion for it yet - I keep it!!

And minor successes encourage my packrat behavior. There have been several times when I bought a clothing item and lo and behold - that something I've been holding onto for 5-7 years is the one thing that goes perfectly with it!!