Comparing

There is part of me that thinks I shouldn't be comparing guys to each other so much. That's the part of me that feels sorry for the guys that just really weren't that great. The other part of me thinks that if we don't compare them to each other, how will we know which one is better for us? So compare away I say! And I have been. And the balance is definitely falling in favor of one of them over any combination of the rest of them, almost to the point where I have to fight being mad at those guys for wasting my time, and at myself for letting them waste my time. It's kind of interesting how you can think something is real good until you have something that isn't even in the same league to compare it to.

I still talk with an old boyfriend I had many years ago. He said that his wife this evening had pulled out her journals from before they were married and was reading him what she'd written about him on different occasions. I started wondering what I'd written about him at those same times. Turns out, not much. He was barely mentioned by name every six months or so, and then it was more of a passing reference.

Now compare that to my journal entries now. Not only am I writing much more regularly (weekly), but Kitt is mentioned each week, and it is more than just a passing reference. In fact, it almost seems strange if I'm writing and he hasn't been mentioned yet. Today's whole two page entry was all about him. Kitt wins hands down on that comparison.

Next. There have been many times where Kitt will email me something simple during the day while we're both at work and it will just make me smile. And so I'll tell people about it. I've lost track of how many times I've randomly thrown into an instant message with someone, "Kitt makes me smile." Like this week I was telling him about the drunk guy at the bus stop in the morning who thought I looked good. He said he'd tell me when he saw me that night what a sober guy with most of his faculties thought of how I looked. He frequently does little things like that and I can't help but smile. I don't recall any other guy I have known/dated who has done that for me, ever.

And then I think about the conversations I've had with various guys over the years. There have been some guys who have been pretty good conversationalists, but the topics never went too deep or got too involved. I remember a date with one guy where every five minutes or so he'd said everything he wanted to on that topic and if I didn't come up with a new topic we would've sat there in silence - him, not so good with the conversation. There was one guy who always assumed he knew what my stance on an issue was even though my words and actions indicated otherwise. And there have been a few who, while nice people, bored me simply because they couldn't keep up with my head. With others it can get to the point where I just get frustrated with the conversation because I'm just not being heard.

But with Kitt, we talk for hours, for days, for years, and I have not once been frustrated with a conversation with him. I have not once felt like I was being belittled or not heard. My insights are appreciated. My questions are validated. My views are respectfully challenged. And my humor is understood.

There are even more aspects I could look at. But is there really any comparison? It just doesn't seem like it.

It might have taken me a while to get it right, but it looks like when I do get it right, I get it very right.