Monday, November 17, 2008

How to annoy a singleton

I offer here a list of common ways to offend/annoy a single person (or at least this single person). I offer this list not by way of making it easier for people to annoy me, but in an effort to enlighten the eyes of the unenlightened with the hopes that they'll stop doing them. At least this way they can't completely claim ignorance when I rip their heads off one day.

1. Do NOT pat my hands with "sympathy" and say you hope I get married soon. Guh!! Do you not think that I don't hope that as well? And what's with the sympathy? Is my current situation really so bad that I should be pitied? Really, I don't see my lack of marriage as an overwhelming problem that prevents me from functioning on a day-to-day basis. And winking at me while you do this only makes it worse.

2. I'm sure they mean well, but whenever anyone says, "You're pretty/smart/fun/etc. enough, you should be married," I can't help but wonder what in the world that means. Are you saying that the males I know must be real stupid because they haven't married me yet? Are you implying that there must be something seriously wrong with me that you don't know about because from what you do know you just can't understand why I'm single? What do you mean?!? If you are just complimenting me and telling me I'm pretty/smart/fun/etc., then just say that and leave the whole married thing out of it.

3. How about asking what I do with my life rather than just asking if I'm dating someone? I can see where you might think how I met a certain someone might be an interesting story, but there are so many other interesting stories that I actually know everything about. The meeting someone story, I really only know my side of it, which is only half of the story. If you ask me about my career or education, I can tell you that whole story. And trust me, the other aspects of my life are just as interesting, if not more so, than the occasional dating story.

4. Please do not assume, just because I am single, that I am incapable of handling life and being in charge of different things. I've had positions that required a lot of organizing, delegating, serving, all kinds of "grown-up" stuff. It was highly frustrating when people would doubt my ability to fulfill them simply because I was not married. Since when did being married suddenly make a person grown-up and capable?

5. Seems like everyone knows exactly what you have to do to get married, i.e. what I am doing wrong that I'm not married. I'm glad that worked for you, but you and I are different people, so I imagine my life is going to be a bit different from yours. My favorite one though was the guy who was about twice my age at the time and still had never been married. Why did he think he was qualified to give relationship advice? It'd worked so well for him huh?

I reserve the right to add to this list as the need arises.