Four Dates and Texter

For the record, I do not recommend going on four dates with four different men in one week. I was exhausted by Sunday night.

Here's a little recap:

Friday night - The Wordsmith - It turns out that he conveniently left out his height on his profile. I'm fairly average in height, and this guy was shorter than me by a couple of inches, which makes him SHORT. Some ladies can dig the short dudes, but I can't. Our conversation was okay-ish, but we both claimed exhaustion after dinner at 8:30 and went our separate ways. Neither of us have contacted the other since.

Saturday morning - Rescheduled. "How about we try for next weekend?" "Sure." It's Wednesday now, and I haven't heard anything since.

Saturday night - The Pollock - I thought this was going fairly well, at least for a second date. Conversation flowed smoothly. We went out to a movie and then back to his place for Rock Band and talking. Unfortunately, while I was trying to get a little closer on the couch, just inching toward the middle, it felt like he was going the opposite direction and getting as close to his arm as he could. He even went so far as to put a pillow up to his side at one point. When he evening was over, I was given a hug and a "it was good to see you." Even though I texted him to let him know I had a good time and was home safe, I haven't heard from him either.

Sunday night - Museum Date - I was VERY late for this date, because I couldn't find parking. He was pleasant, but our conversation was stilted and forced. I don't think it would have gone much better if I hadn't just been out so much already, so I don't feel too bad about not being the best date ever. We had an awkward and a maybe we should do this again sometime and a thank you text later, but that's it.

Soooo that's fun.

The good news? Things with John Denver are going swimmingly. And his voice? A lovely tenor. Hopefully, more on all that later!

Player

In a fit of boredom, desperation, and curiosity, I joined a couple of online dating sites. One free, one paid. Both have slightly different concepts in how they go about matching people up, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Ho-boy.

Short version: I have three first and one second date this coming weekend AND another man I'm texting almost all day every day.

Did you count that? Four dates and five suitors? Who AM I?

Long version: I don't even know where to start. I sent out a handful of little nudges to a few guys I thought were attractive and received a few in return. Many of mine were ignored, and I ignored a few sent my way as well, but then a few turned into actual conversation. And then actual date invitations. I was headed out of town for work almost immediately, so I had to postpone all but one first meeting until after I got back.

I didn't even expect that first first date with The Pollock (he's really of Polish descent), to go as well as it did, but it did. Not only did the date itself go well, but we continued to text each other for the next two hours after we went our separate ways. Knowing we were both out of town and busy meant we didn't talk much over the next week or so, but once I had returned I, as promised, called him to schedule another date and he returned the call last night. Yes, I know I called first, but all other communication to this point had been initiated by him.

We talked on the phone for over 30 minutes, and I don't even like talking on the phone. I wanted him to get to the making plans for the weekend point sooner, but he didn't and that's okay. He called as soon as he could (work has been crazy and he's on total outside world lockdown when he's there, thank you top secret government work) and it was fun to hear from him. We should be seeing each other again this Saturday night.

Then there's The Wordsmith. We've been emailing and playing WordFeud (a smartphone version of Scrabble) and looking forward to our first dinner for a couple of weeks. He's made an effort to keep getting to know me while I've been away, and I'm impressed. Initially, I thought he was going to win over The Pollock, but now I don't know. I'll evaluate after our date on Friday.

I also have dates Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. These guys don't get nicknames yet because I've hardly talked to them since arranging our plans and I don't anticipate them making the cut. I also had a date this last Monday evening. It was a fun activity (pub trivia), but the date itself fizzled. Oh well.

Oh! And there's the guy I was just starting to get to know and then ran into at a social event on a date with another girl! It was actually the girl I was talking to first because she came over to compliment my dress, then her date came back from wherever he was. "You look like this guy I've been talking to online." "What's his name?" "{Insert screen name here}" "[Laughs.] I thought you looked familiar too." And now his date and I are Facebook friends and I don't know if either of us have heard from him again. I certainly haven't.

I haven't even made an effort on these sites for almost two weeks, because I cannot keep this pace up! There are a couple guys I'm talking to and haven't made plans with yet, but after these other guys I'm actually meeting, the conversation already seems forced and I don't want to waste anyone's time.

And! Two guys whose radars I thought I'd fallen off months ago are starting to creep back into my life. I'm not anticipating anything actually happening there, but it's still more dudes to keep track of!

Part of this little experiment was definitely because I was striking out in my normal circle - the guys I meet through my Mormon circle. Too much drama, not enough dates.

Then suddenly last Thursday, I sent a flirty tweet to a single, Mormon guy I know solely on Twitter - because, well, why not? And, unlike the last time I tried flirting with him, he actually responded. We quickly moved the conversation to direct (private) messages and, by the end of the day, had exchanged phone numbers and moved the conversation to text messages.

And we haven't stopped.

For the first few days I was hesitant and thought to myself "Wow, dude, slow down. Don't force this.", but I'm starting to change my tune. We have a LOT in common and plenty to talk about. John Denver, as he shall be known, is clearly smitten with me and has actually said that - I'm not just inferring here. So, not only do we enjoy many of the same things, he's open and communicative about his feelings in general and his feelings for me specifically and often, something I've been saying for a long time will be a characteristic of my husband. After too many "does he or doesn't he" scenarios, I need someone I don't doubt really cares for me.

John Denver is many of the things I'm looking for, but I'm still hesitant. 1 - It's only been a week. 2 - I have, at least for now, a few other guys in the lineup (I cannot stress enough how much this has NEVER happened for me). 3 - I still don't know what he looks or sounds like. I know what he used to look like, but he's apparently lost a LOT of weight since then (which is good, because he was severely overweight, something I'm not attracted to) and has no recent pictures to share. What he sounds like is important too, for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's shallow, but physical attraction is important too.

Chances are very good right now that all these relationships will naturally play out and all but one will end soon enough that I don't even have to tell them I'm considering so many others. And chances are good that the things I'm worried about with John Denver specifically will be answered quickly.

Obviously, there's lots to evaluate about each of these men and they still have plenty to learn about me. It's just so flattering AND overwhelming that all of them have shown up at once. I hardly have time for one relationship, not to mention five!

I'm willing to give it a shot though, and I will certainly keep you all posted!

There's always a catch

I'm currently seeing two different men. Count 'em, TWO! Two men who like to spend time with me, just the two of us, on multiple occasions.

But, since this is my dating life we're talking about, it's not as simple as that. At this point, I'm not channeling Phoebe Buffay and the episode where she's dating two men, and no one is making a movie about my version of the story.

Because, since this IS me we're talking about, there is always a catch.

Guy #1, Brainy Smurf, and I have now been out together three times and are planning a fourth. (Date #3) Great, right? Yes, except that that's three dates over the course of six months, the fourth at the end of the eighth month. Also, they aren't exactly dates instead of mutually agreed upon activities that happen to be planned, paired off, and paid for. Neither of us are calling the other and asking the other out.

Still, even when the opportunity to make it a group activity has presented itself, it's just the two of us. One of us, most recently him, has paid for the outing. And, we're talking in between these dates. Definitely good things.

Guy #2, Junior, and I have also been out together three times and are discussing a possible weekend trip to a nearby city (not necessarily to be with each other, but because we both want to explore it, he has friends there, and I have business there). These three dates have been nothing short of fabulous (date #1), and have occurred over the last six weeks. Great, right? Yes, except that Junior is no longer a practicing Mormon, but a declared atheist currently investigating Eastern philosophy. He's also moving away in a couple of months. Both are pretty big things, though one more than the other. Our religious differences have made for some really interesting discussion, but, while we haven't actually discussed an "us", I do think we're both hesitant to start anything because of it.

Still, dates ARE dates, and we're actually asking each other out (he asked me on the first two, I asked him on the third), and we talk in between. On our most recent date, a vendor was joking with him and said he should check with this better half, using the term a couple of times. Junior didn't correct him, though it isn't really necessary to correct shopkeepers anyway. There was also an increasing amount of flirting throughout the date.

Neither of these men have made any "moves" as it were, nor have I. It's clear that we enjoy each other's company, though not to what extent. Things don't need to be defined after three dates anyway, so I'm really quite alright with everything. Until they're defined with either of them, I don't feel so bad about keeping my options open by seeing both of them. I'm sure things will become clear when they need to be.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue enjoying my time with both Brainy Smurf and Junior.

When you don't call

If it takes greater than three days for my date to contact me again, here are a collection of my thoughts during that time:

He's just busy. No, really, he is. Maybe he's trying to think of something witty to respond with. He's probably not that big into using the phone. He obviously hasn't been on Facebook this week. Did I really kiss him? Or did he kiss me? Who initiated that one? Well, whatever, it was mutual. Oh crap, why did we kiss on the second date? Who DOES that? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I stay too long? Should I have stayed longer? Man. It's because I'm fat, isn't it? Stupid thunder thighs of doom. Well, what did mean when put his hand on my face? He did hold my hand. Eventually. That was nice. He still hasn't been on Facebook yet. Gosh he's cute. You know, he definitely kissed me back, and it was sweet, not aggressive, that must mean he likes me. He did say "WE should go to that." He must have meant it. I'm sure he's just busy. When does that project start again? Could already have started. Nope, no Facebook updates. I really should have stayed longer. What if he doesn't actually like me? He doesn't seem like the player type. STOP ANALYZING THIS! But, what if - NO! STOP IT! He'll call me when he calls me. Still hasn't been on Facebook.

Yes, I recognize that this perpetuates the whiny and desperate female myth, but those thoughts are sprinkled over a several day period, mingled with thoughts and actions of things in real life - work, school, why the roommates haven't cleaned the kitchen, etc. - and are only vocalized to a small minority of people. I'm only whiny in my head. And here. Most of the time, I realize I'm being irrational and remind myself to shut up about it.

The good news? After one email (three days post-date) and one phone call (6 days post-date), he finally called me back and left a voicemail.

The bad news? He's apparently going to be out of town during the days I asked if he was available (oh well, theater tickets are cheaper for just one person anyway), and he said "I'll catch you some other time." This, generally, seems to be code for "Whenever I remember or otherwise need some lovin'."

Oh well. I may be wrong, but I'm going to hold out for it. I'll just be pleasantly surprised if something does happen.

This is why we named our blog what we did

Disclaimer: There are allusions to strong language in the following post. A bad habit of mine, that I hate really, is that I don't have the cleanest mouth when I'm upset. He never watches his language.

What he said:

Over time: "You're cool." "Youre breasts are huge." "We have a lot in common." "I want to f*** you." [It sounded better in context than this, I promise. Despite the language.]

Today: Well. Here's what's going on. I don't really want to hang out that much. You're cool, like I've always said, but the way you word some things makes me feel obligated to chat or to visit and I feel weird. Secondly. Because I don't want to hang out that often I'm having conflicts over the whole kissing thing. I want to, yeah. That's been established. But if I do I feel like I have to visit you all the time. Which is a problem because of the not wanting to hang out a lot thing. At work I like my lunches to be my lunches. Outside of work I have a lot of things to do and many more people to deal with. So. I kinda like to do my own thing, which, obviously, most people also like to do. But this between us makes me feel like I need to or else I'll upset you. And that's what I want to get away from.

What I wanted to say:

You started this. Our friendship which then turned into kissing and would have turned into more if I let it. I was just trying to get to know you and be your friend. I was being courteous when asking if you were coming to visit so that I didn't miss you, not because I expected it or needed you too. I never intended to make you feel weird. Don't you think it makes me feel weird when I tell you "it ain't gonna happen" but you make every effort TO happen? F*** you. Now I'm thoroughly confused as to what you want from me. A friend whenever you need one but not I do? A f*** buddy? Okay. Let's just be friends. We'll talk when you want to talk. Kiss when you want to kiss. I will not initiate a conversation (or more), because that makes you feel weird.

What I actually said:

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel weird or obligated. I certainly never meant to do that. If I was asking if you were coming by, it was because I thought you'd want to and I didn't want to miss you by stepping out momentarily. I was never upset when you didn't stop by at lunch or something. But at the same time, I'm not a drive-up window. If we're going to be friends, it goes both ways. And sometimes I'm going to say hi or ask how your day is. I don't have an ulterior motive. I'm just being friendly.

Of course he hasn't responded yet. Yes, I know I should have seen this coming. Loneliness makes you do crazy things. Yes, dating people at work is bad. Oh? And guess when the holiday party is? If you guessed tomorrow, you'd be right.

Residual weirdness

So we dated or something. Then we were friends. Then you didn't talk to me for three weeks, even though we kept seeing each other around just about every day.

The first contact after that is going to be a little weird, despite your efforts to not make it so.

From an email two minutes after seeing each other:

"And, without weirdness, let me say you look really cute today."

Yes, you're trying, but it's weird that you say it's not weird.