Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Stuck in my head

Last night, I dreamt that I was with my ex-fiancé. He hugged me, a hug I could really feel and still remember, and told me that he still loved me. I replied in kind, saying that I loved him too. Then, he walked away, and his name was removed from the theater's marquis and that, to me, meant that he had died. I was sad, of course, but knew that I'd be okay.

This morning, I thought "Well, that was weird. Oh well."

But now, because I'm a classic overthinker, I can't get him out of my head. Roxie suggested: Perhaps your dream meant that while you loved that time in your life, it's over. You'll always have fond memories of it, but it's time to move on.

I can agree with that. I forgave him long ago, but I still do think of him on occasion. Many things remind me of him, and I can't help that. When I think of him now, it's usually fleeting, and the memory leaves as quickly as it arrived. While I'm no longer in love with him, I am still in love with the idea of him - someone I love and want to marry and spend many wonderful hours with. It doesn't exactly explain why I can't stop thinking about him today, or why I had such a vivid dream about him, but it does explain why my memories of and feelings for him still pop up every so often.

He was a big part of my life, even if only for a short time. He was around for some major events in my life, and it's not like I can erase his presence entirely. He will come up, in my thoughts and in conversations, and things will continue to remind me of him. I just have to accept that and then move on. I also think it will get better, easier to push him out of my head, when I have someone around who fills that role, and who will do so better than I could ever have expected.

But today? I might be a little distracted. And that's okay too.


fourlittleloves said...

Hi Roxie!
thanks for your comment on The Childrens Nest! I used skinny twine to tie the sponges together. The more the throwing the looser they become. But thank goodness they are so cheap...you can make a bunch of them! Hope this helps!! Take care...