Second verse
In those dark moments this was my song:
I've gone to college. I have a career. I've been recognized at the state level for my work in my career. I've earned a graduate degree. I have a car. I can live on my own and manage my own house. I've moved. I've changed careers. I've run marathons. Why won't someone marry me?!?
And, as you might guess, the last one has very little to do with the rest of them (although HP has told me that if I wasn't as educated as I am, not what I've studied but that I've studied, he would've found me boring and it wouldn't have worked out between us). Marriage doesn't come down to degrees or careers, but rather two people being at the right place in their life to make that decision at the same time.
But the fact that it took so long actually makes me super proud of it. I want people to know our (I think) incredible story and how much we really worked for what we have. That waiting time made it that much more valuable in the end.
Now I've discovered a second verse to that song. It goes something like this:
I've gone to college. I have a career. I've been recognized at the state level for my work in my career. I've earned a graduate degree. I have a car. I can live on my own and manage my own house. I've moved. I've changed careers. I've run marathons. I've gotten married. Why can't I get pregnant?!?
And again, that last one has very little, if anything, to do with the rest of them, except hopefully the marriage one. Those ones should definitely be done in a certain order. Babies are miracles, especially the very start of them. Because it involves so many things happening at the same time and in just the right sequence that it's incredible any of us are here at all.
The longer this goes on the more I want people to know just how long it took. That it won't be an "oops" or a "happy accident." That we really wanted it. But I'm not wanting to tell people we're trying and struggling yet. Not till we're successful.
Which makes me wonder how many other people around me are struggling in ways I don't know about and I'm not aware of.
Some times I think it would be nice if I could've just learned that patience thing once and been done with it. But patience itself has taught me a lot. If I could only remember those lessons better.
2 comments:
What you wrote reminds me of myself. I also married later than the LDS norm. Those years and waiting and wondering if I'd ever marry were very difficult. And then, when I finally did marry, I couldn't get pregnant. Which just seemed like insult added to injury. :P
I had an experience after my first child was (finally) born, where I realized how the years of being patient and waiting in faith for the right guy, prepared me, strengthened me for the years I spent coping with infertility.
(It is nice, now, to be able to tell my two children that they weren't an afterthought in our lives. We worked really hard to get them here - they don't ever have to worry about not being wanted!)
Good luck. Sometimes it's not about patience - sometimes it's just about building up your inner strength.
I think whenever you have an intensely personal struggle, it makes you realize how much other people might be stuggling, and it gives you a reason to love them more.
Good luck, it took us 2.5 years to get our now 15 month old. I know why God waited, he's a smart guy. :)
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