Alone

I was going to write about something else. But I'll save that for another day.

Jinxie's post "I'm Tired" inspired me. Particularly the video at the end. Did you see that? It was awesome.

I lived alone for almost 8 years. No roommates. No family. No one at the address but me. Nobody's stuff in the bathroom but mine. Nobody with food in the fridge except me. Nobody to clean up the mess I made and nobody to care if I didn't do it for a few days. Living alone worked great for me. I really enjoyed it.

And I worried that getting married would be hard. I'd be sharing space with someone else. There would be another person there. Would he be okay that I tend to not do the dishes every day? There was a reason I stopped living with roommates. I didn't like them. Would I be okay living with someone else again? Was I too set in my ways?

We were lucky in that we had the space to move in together when we got married. He had a house and it wasn't full. He was actually looking forward to it finally getting decorated. So there was space for both our stuff. But he'd been doing things a certain way there for a while on his own. Would I change it too much for him? Would I adapt to the way he did things? And we're not just talking how you squeeze the tooth paste. We each used our own till one of us ran out.

Combining lives is huge. And it's taken us almost a year to get as much combined as we have. And there are still a few things that we haven't combined yet. We've slowly been putting together our bank accounts, our phone plans, the other bills. The rooms are all a collection of both our things now. I think not doing it all at once helped. We were able to ease into it.

And now the morbid part of my head is wondering if I could ever learn to live alone again. It wasn't that long ago that I was completely independent. Did I really become so dependent on someone else so quickly?

And why does that scare me so?