Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Like in the Mooooovieees

How to make a Hollywood love scene.

Step 1: Get two absolutely gorgeous people who wake up each morning looking like someone did their hair while they slept (because in reality, there was a hairdresser who did their hair right before they "woke up").

Step 2: Set up some impossible scene. Examples include a boating trip on a lake filled with swans and white ducks with a rain storm on the way back. Or a first dance leading to true love that very night. Or at work while others are in the offices just next door. Or sworn enemies who can't even stand to look at each other who suddenly discover that nobody else makes their heart go pitter-patter like that.

Step 3: Get a set dresser to strew clothing around the scene as if it has been ripped/thrown off in a fit of passion.

Step 4: End the scene with the weird L shaped sheets that seem to cover the woman to her shoulders but the man only to his waist.

To hear Hollywood tell it, all relationships are fated by the stars and when they align just right then clothes go flying and you find love.

The movies are wrong! And hopefully you've already realized that.

Because I have to tell you, when I pretend to be a set dresser and strew clothes about the house and my husband looks at me funny and asks me what I'm doing and I reply by saying, "You know, like in the moooovies" (and you have to really hold out the O for effect), all he can do is laugh at me. And that never happens in the movies.

I keep a hair elastic next to the bed so my hair isn't a poof ball when I wake up in the morning. I don't have a hair dresser who brushes and curls it for me just before my alarm goes off. Some mornings my own breath disgusts me. While there are times when passion surprises one of us, there has never been a ripping and flying of clothing.

Instead of that we have the real thing that most of Hollywood just can't seem to get. The killing bugs that scare me. The cleaning the kitchen together. The sitting quietly in the evening and reading. The grocery shopping and taking out the trash.

There is standing on the patio in the rain. There are looks that say so much. There is soft caressing. And there is a lot of laughter (and not just at my attempts to make things like the movies).

And it's real, and nothing like the moooovies!


Lynn said...

Like Nature Girl's comments on Disney, there is so much more to marriage!

I'm puzzled, though: Your blog title says "The Secret Thoughts of The Frustratingly Single" but you talk about a husband. Maybe it's time to update the title?

Roxie said...

Lynn, thanks for stopping by. This is a group blog and there are three of us who write here. When we started it at the end of 2008 all three of us were LDS "Old Maids" (around 30 and single). I did get married at the end of last year, but being the good friends that they are, they still let me write about relationships and such here. And honestly, I'm still frequently frustrated by the stereotypes that exist in the Mormon culture about women.

Roxie said...

I suppose we could change the tag line to:

The secret thoughts of three women of various relationship statuses who are living and loving life but still manage to get frustrated from time to time.

But that just doesn't have the same ring to it. ;)