Friday, July 9, 2010

That void next to you

I recently read this line on another blog where they were writing a letter to their future husband:

I miss you and I may not even have met you yet. Is that weird?
I can relate. There were times for several years before things really got going with HP and me, even before we met, where I missed him. The best way I could describe it was like there was a void next to me, a big hole where he belonged.

I'd feel it in the passenger seat next to me when I was driving and it was as if I could reach my hand over and grab his. In fact, I often did reach my hand over into the seat and just make a fist as if I were holding something. I thought that perhaps I could reach into the void and whoever it was that was supposed to be there would feel me reaching.

I felt it at church from time to time. There was someone who was supposed to be sitting next to me. And I made sure I put my books on the other side of me from the void to leave room for him when he arrived.

A few months before HP proposed to me, I stopped feeling that void. It had been filled.

Have you ever read Shel Silverstein's "The Missing Piece"? Finding your missing piece, filling your void, can be quite the adventure. And the end is almost always unexpected.


erinannie said...

Thanks Roxie. I can't count how many times I've felt like someone was missing in the room. Like there was someone who was supposed to be sitting by me on the couch, but hadn't arrived yet.

Saimi said...

I felt that way after my boys all left the nest. I kept thinking they were going to walk in the room any minute.

It was uncomfortable locking the door at night. When they were still at home, I'd leave the door unlocked and the light on, then when they came back from being out, they would lock the door and turn off the light. Even though they had house keys, I never locked the door when they were out.

It took me a while to get used to the fact they were gone.

Jennifer said...

I used to really like the song On My Own from Les Miserables, because I would do much the same thing described in it. I could walk along, imagining I was with my (hopefully) future husband, visualizing it so intensely it was as if there really was someone there with me.

Roxie said...

Saimi, I imagine it's the same when a spouse dies. I'm not looking forward to that type of void. But at least at I'll know who's supposed to be there.

Jinxie said...

I've definitely felt that void, and it's almost always on my right side, which I find particularly interesting. Looking forward to finding my missing piece!

Roxie said...

It was almost always on my right as well. I wonder if that's more common.