Fat

I graduated high school at a particular weight and more or less stayed there for the next three years of college. Then I went on a mission and ate food better than most I've ever tasted in my life. And I gained 25-30 pounds. My cheeks half way through looked like I'm filling them with air. It was very obvious I'd put on weight. Within a few months of coming home though it was all gone and I was back to the high school graduation weight (after eating unprocessed home cooking for 18 months, American food kind of sucked and eating wasn't a big interest of mine).

That was over nine years ago and during that time my weight fluctuated a pound or two in either direction, but basically stayed constant. I didn't necessarily watch what I ate really. I didn't exercise regularly. Every now and then I'd get it in my head to run a marathon and I'd work up to that. But I was just living life and enjoying it.

I haven't really stepped on a scale since getting married. After HP stubbed his toe on it one morning I put it in the closet. But my in-laws had one in the room we were staying in when we visited recently. It was one of those fancy digital ones. So I thought I'd stand on it just for fun. The darn thing was broken! It said I'd gained 20 pounds since we got married! What?!? Except HP said it wasn't that off for him, and he weighs himself pretty much weekly. This could not be right.

So when we got home I weighed myself on our scale, the one I've always used, after finding it odd that a pair of pants was a bit tight on my thighs, something I hadn't noticed before. My in-law's scale was off, but not by 20 pounds. I actually have gained about 10 pounds in the last six months.

How did this happen?!? After thinking about it, it's the same thing that happened on my mission. Since getting married I've been cooking a lot more unprocessed home cooked meals (it's much more fun to cook for two than one). And I'm not exactly watching portions because it all tastes so good.

I won't say I'm fat. Partially because we don't actually say things here. But also because nobody would let me. Weight is such a weird thing in our culture.

According to online BMI calculators (and those are super accurate), I'm still within normal ranges. But this isn't what I've known for so long. HP said he has noticed that I have more hips now than I did before. Which I said was fine, but my waist got bigger too so my curves didn't get any better.

All I could think about the rest of the day after weighing myself was that my waist is bigger and my gut sticks out now. I hate that.

I'm not going to diet. Diets seem to imply short term changes rather than life style changes. Instead I'm going to start watching my portions more. I don't need that fourth taco and I don't need that third plate of waffles. And maybe, if this stupid heat will pass, I'll start exercising more.

In the mean time, my pants were all starting to wear out anyway.