Four Dates and Texter

For the record, I do not recommend going on four dates with four different men in one week. I was exhausted by Sunday night.

Here's a little recap:

Friday night - The Wordsmith - It turns out that he conveniently left out his height on his profile. I'm fairly average in height, and this guy was shorter than me by a couple of inches, which makes him SHORT. Some ladies can dig the short dudes, but I can't. Our conversation was okay-ish, but we both claimed exhaustion after dinner at 8:30 and went our separate ways. Neither of us have contacted the other since.

Saturday morning - Rescheduled. "How about we try for next weekend?" "Sure." It's Wednesday now, and I haven't heard anything since.

Saturday night - The Pollock - I thought this was going fairly well, at least for a second date. Conversation flowed smoothly. We went out to a movie and then back to his place for Rock Band and talking. Unfortunately, while I was trying to get a little closer on the couch, just inching toward the middle, it felt like he was going the opposite direction and getting as close to his arm as he could. He even went so far as to put a pillow up to his side at one point. When he evening was over, I was given a hug and a "it was good to see you." Even though I texted him to let him know I had a good time and was home safe, I haven't heard from him either.

Sunday night - Museum Date - I was VERY late for this date, because I couldn't find parking. He was pleasant, but our conversation was stilted and forced. I don't think it would have gone much better if I hadn't just been out so much already, so I don't feel too bad about not being the best date ever. We had an awkward and a maybe we should do this again sometime and a thank you text later, but that's it.

Soooo that's fun.

The good news? Things with John Denver are going swimmingly. And his voice? A lovely tenor. Hopefully, more on all that later!

Player

In a fit of boredom, desperation, and curiosity, I joined a couple of online dating sites. One free, one paid. Both have slightly different concepts in how they go about matching people up, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Ho-boy.

Short version: I have three first and one second date this coming weekend AND another man I'm texting almost all day every day.

Did you count that? Four dates and five suitors? Who AM I?

Long version: I don't even know where to start. I sent out a handful of little nudges to a few guys I thought were attractive and received a few in return. Many of mine were ignored, and I ignored a few sent my way as well, but then a few turned into actual conversation. And then actual date invitations. I was headed out of town for work almost immediately, so I had to postpone all but one first meeting until after I got back.

I didn't even expect that first first date with The Pollock (he's really of Polish descent), to go as well as it did, but it did. Not only did the date itself go well, but we continued to text each other for the next two hours after we went our separate ways. Knowing we were both out of town and busy meant we didn't talk much over the next week or so, but once I had returned I, as promised, called him to schedule another date and he returned the call last night. Yes, I know I called first, but all other communication to this point had been initiated by him.

We talked on the phone for over 30 minutes, and I don't even like talking on the phone. I wanted him to get to the making plans for the weekend point sooner, but he didn't and that's okay. He called as soon as he could (work has been crazy and he's on total outside world lockdown when he's there, thank you top secret government work) and it was fun to hear from him. We should be seeing each other again this Saturday night.

Then there's The Wordsmith. We've been emailing and playing WordFeud (a smartphone version of Scrabble) and looking forward to our first dinner for a couple of weeks. He's made an effort to keep getting to know me while I've been away, and I'm impressed. Initially, I thought he was going to win over The Pollock, but now I don't know. I'll evaluate after our date on Friday.

I also have dates Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. These guys don't get nicknames yet because I've hardly talked to them since arranging our plans and I don't anticipate them making the cut. I also had a date this last Monday evening. It was a fun activity (pub trivia), but the date itself fizzled. Oh well.

Oh! And there's the guy I was just starting to get to know and then ran into at a social event on a date with another girl! It was actually the girl I was talking to first because she came over to compliment my dress, then her date came back from wherever he was. "You look like this guy I've been talking to online." "What's his name?" "{Insert screen name here}" "[Laughs.] I thought you looked familiar too." And now his date and I are Facebook friends and I don't know if either of us have heard from him again. I certainly haven't.

I haven't even made an effort on these sites for almost two weeks, because I cannot keep this pace up! There are a couple guys I'm talking to and haven't made plans with yet, but after these other guys I'm actually meeting, the conversation already seems forced and I don't want to waste anyone's time.

And! Two guys whose radars I thought I'd fallen off months ago are starting to creep back into my life. I'm not anticipating anything actually happening there, but it's still more dudes to keep track of!

Part of this little experiment was definitely because I was striking out in my normal circle - the guys I meet through my Mormon circle. Too much drama, not enough dates.

Then suddenly last Thursday, I sent a flirty tweet to a single, Mormon guy I know solely on Twitter - because, well, why not? And, unlike the last time I tried flirting with him, he actually responded. We quickly moved the conversation to direct (private) messages and, by the end of the day, had exchanged phone numbers and moved the conversation to text messages.

And we haven't stopped.

For the first few days I was hesitant and thought to myself "Wow, dude, slow down. Don't force this.", but I'm starting to change my tune. We have a LOT in common and plenty to talk about. John Denver, as he shall be known, is clearly smitten with me and has actually said that - I'm not just inferring here. So, not only do we enjoy many of the same things, he's open and communicative about his feelings in general and his feelings for me specifically and often, something I've been saying for a long time will be a characteristic of my husband. After too many "does he or doesn't he" scenarios, I need someone I don't doubt really cares for me.

John Denver is many of the things I'm looking for, but I'm still hesitant. 1 - It's only been a week. 2 - I have, at least for now, a few other guys in the lineup (I cannot stress enough how much this has NEVER happened for me). 3 - I still don't know what he looks or sounds like. I know what he used to look like, but he's apparently lost a LOT of weight since then (which is good, because he was severely overweight, something I'm not attracted to) and has no recent pictures to share. What he sounds like is important too, for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's shallow, but physical attraction is important too.

Chances are very good right now that all these relationships will naturally play out and all but one will end soon enough that I don't even have to tell them I'm considering so many others. And chances are good that the things I'm worried about with John Denver specifically will be answered quickly.

Obviously, there's lots to evaluate about each of these men and they still have plenty to learn about me. It's just so flattering AND overwhelming that all of them have shown up at once. I hardly have time for one relationship, not to mention five!

I'm willing to give it a shot though, and I will certainly keep you all posted!

Movie or a play?

Dinner and a movie is considered a standard date. However most will admit that a movie isn't necessarily the best date idea because there is not a lot of opportunity for conversation and getting to know each other. I was trying to explain to some new daters (recently 16) why a play (or musical), while it is similar to a movie, is actually a much better date idea. Which took me a little bit of time to figure out.

I finally realized that plays have the before (without ads and previews), intermission, and after that are open for talking. And plays more often than not give you food for thought where movies generally don't (movies are fun, don't get me wrong, and we need mindless stuff to relax from time to time, but mindless dates are not the best). Every time I've gone to a play for a date it's provided a full evening of conversation.

We have a few television shows we watch that get us talking too. "Parenthood" has started a lot of conversations about what type of parenting we want to do and where different relationships hit problems and what could've been differently to prevent it. We talk clear throughout "The Sing-Off" as we're analyzing the music and making our predictions about who is going to win the round and who is going to get cut.

I've done my share of dinner and a movie dates. They've ranged from bad to okay/good. But anything that'll get you talking is always better. And going to community theater helps support your local community too.

Well, fine then

Some weeks ago, I went on a really nice first date. I had asked him out to an event, but he couldn't make that evening, so he asked me to dinner later in the week.

So to dinner we went. We laughed a lot. We had great food. We went on a post-dinner walk. We talked for hours. He would go on to describe the evening as "refreshing" and that he "had a wonderful time." A few nights later, we arrived separately to a party only to spend most of the night near or with each other, leaving together and talking in his car into the small hours of the night.

For the next couple of weeks, I got a hug every time we saw each other and met a couple of his friends. Conversation was still easy and things seemed to be going well. We didn't have any more official dates, but there were still good signs in that direction.

And then they weren't. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he's avoiding me, but sometimes it feels like it. As usual, I have no idea why. I have my suspicions, but no real clue. If I ever feel it's appropriate, I might ask him what's up, but then again, I might not. Instead, I'll just move on and find someone who never leaves me hanging.

Whoever Mr. Future is, he's fantastic and never giving me reason to doubt his feelings. I'm tired of not believing something is real and then have that doubt come true.

"Groundhog Day" on Dating

The movie "Groundhog Day" doesn't seem like it would have a lot to really teach about dating, but think about it. It's one of HP's favorite movies, so we watch it every year on February 2nd. This year I've been thinking about it ever since.

At the beginning of the movie, Phil is the worst date ever. And he goes through several incarnations of bad date throughout the movie. He:

• Thinks only of himself


• Considers getting a date a conquest


• Thinks only of what he can get out of a date


• Uses manipulative techniques to "trick" women into thinking he likes them, which he found out by basically stalking them (although in this movie it comes across differently because he flat out asks them things on successive days)


• Tries too hard to create "spontaneous" romantic moments. It's almost painful to watch the second night they build the snowman and see how hard he tries.

Now, granted, by the time he gets there he is starting to get better at the dating thing. A lot of times it's real cute when a guy tries that hard, to be romantic, but it's a fine line between cute and creepy. Trying to be spontaneous never goes well.

Of course he gets the girl in the end. And how does he do that? He stops thinking not just about himself, but also about how he can win the object of his affection. Instead he starts thinking about EVERYONE else around him. There's the tear jerking sequence where he tries to help the old man. He helps the kid who falls out of the tree, the old ladies with their tire, the man who chokes, all of that. He also works on improving himself. He expands his reading (which starts, admittedly, as a way to manipulate women). He learns new talents (piano playing).

He lives for someone other than himself. And it is that which makes him such a wonderful date. Which makes anyone, male or female, a good date.

Ready to run

For the first time that I can think of, I actually wanted to stand someone up this weekend. It seemed easier than going through with a date I couldn't think of any reason I wanted to be on and having to tell him in person "Thanks, but no thanks" to any future dates. I even contemplated just driving off halfway when I made a quick jaunt to my car to stash my leftovers from the restaurant before going to the movie.

Of course, I didn't. The date wasn't actually awful or even as awkward as I feared it might be, and he was gentleman enough. I just haven't ever been nor ever anticipate being interested in him.

I was looking forward to it well enough when he first asked me. We've been casual friends for the last few years, introduced by a mutual friend. I figured a harmless date between two casual friends might be a nice evening to catch up.

But then, once I accepted, he started texting me every single day. Multiple times a day. He invited me over to his house (where I've never been before and I didn't accept), wanted to talk on the phone around midnight at least once, and overall made it very clear that he liked me way more than I liked him. I was suddenly uncomfortable and worried that he might try something if he even remotely sensed the go ahead.

On top of that, the date was ill-planned (it took no less than three conversations to decide on the restaurant, which was decided in the first conversation) and this woman with a Masters and a career is just not impressed by someone who lives at home working random temp jobs even two years after graduation from college. Among other things.

Sad, but true.

If there is a lid for every pot, this was not just a case of the wrong size of stewpot, but more like I'm saucepan and he's Tupperware. There's just no way it will work.

At least it was a date. He seemed understanding about my decline for a next time and the texts have slowed significantly (once to thank me later that evening and a "What's up?" yesterday that I left unanswered). It's at least flattering to be asked, I just hope that next time the feeling is more mutual.

First date of 2011!

I had a date. Hooray!

It was a good date too. We're fortunate to live in a city with lots of options, way better than the traditional dinner and a movie, and we took advantage of one of them.

We spent mid-day downtown playing tourist at a local museum. It involved lots of walking, talking, and even some educational problem solving. We were both famished afterward and there were several dining options near us, but he offered to make lunch back at his place and I happily took him up on it. Tasty! He even told me about mealtime traditions in a country he recently spent time in which we then recreated and extended our lunch a bit. It was really nice getting to know each other and just having a good, relaxed time. I'd definitely like to see him again.

Now, my general rule is that if I ask a guy out for our first date, then the ball is in his court. I've made my indicators of interest, so it's his turn. In this case, I'll be seeing him around and will keep flirting and getting to know him, and we'll see what happens.

Either way, it was a date! It's a good way to start the year!

The Rules?

After hearing that some women I know (none that I'm friends with) were faithfully reading the book The Rules to learn how to trap a guy into marrying them, I flipped through it one afternoon we were spending at the bookstore (bookstores make fun dates). And it was laughable. The ones that made sense could've been classified as common decency, and the rest were bordering on manipulation. One was to maintain a sense of mystery. I turned to HP and asked him if I was still mysterious to him. Without missing a beat he came back with, "Yes. I still haven't seen your breasts." (We weren't married yet.) And that was that. I've never heard of The Game but I imagine it's similar.



My rules?
1. Be yourself
2. Practice common decency.

Hopefully common decency is part of who you are, but just in case it isn't I thought I'd add the second rule.

Oh Deer

Oh deer in deed. I saw this comic this morning while I was eating breakfast and I could relate all too well.

I remember different times in college when they had girl's choice activities and I looked around at the different guys in my life and there really wasn't anyone at that time that interested me. Which led to some interesting events that resulted in my roommate and I taking imaginary guys. Which in turn led to a bunch of girls who also didn't have dates deciding they didn't necessarily need a date to have fun and joining my roommate and I (although they didn't take imaginary dates like we did) and having a blast. Although my dad admitted that he was seriously worried about me when he found out what I'd done. However, so far that is the only time I've ridden in a limo (it was one of the dorm dances at BYU, the limo was part of the event).



Slim pickings in deed.

Dating Supplies

Today on Art of Manliness they provided a list of things a man should always carry with him on a date - What to Carry on a First Date: The Gentleman's Arsenal. It's a pretty good list.

I always made sure I had a few things with me when I went on a date. Here's my list and response to the man's list.

1. A Hankie

I don't go anywhere without one of my own. They come in handy in all kind of situations. But I can definitely see how sweet it would be for a guy to provide one and have it as a reminder of the date.

2. Mints

Definitely mints over gum. I hate gum. The smacking is highly annoying. Freshen your breath and move on. I really like the Listerine strips over hard mints. They slide right into a wallet and don't make a lot of noise. Also, always take one for yourself before offering one to your date just so it doesn't look like you think their breath is bad.

3. Money

Ever since I started dating I always made sure I had money to cover the date just in case something happened. I also made sure I had money to get home, definitely in case something happened. I don't expect to pay for a date I've been invited on, but I plan on it just in case. And if I've invited someone on the date I plan on paying for it. I take a credit card and a twenty. They easily slide into a pocket.

4. Phone

Also something I've done since I started dating, although back then it was change for a pay phone (when was the last time you ever saw one of those?). Again, just in case something happens and I needed to get out on my own. It's never been a problem though. But I'd rather be prepared than not.

5. Dress for the occasion

For men they're saying this means carry an umbrella and wear a sports coat. Now in some parts of the world that might work. But know where you live. Here we're playing "spot the cloud" because there are none for days at times. An umbrella is a good idea here at parts of the year. So during those parts it's good to have one in the car. The rest of the time it would just be in the way. As for the sports coat, the guy will just be sweating like crazy in it. And that's not generally good if it can be avoided.

As for giving the sport coat to the girl if she's cold, I happen to think it's my responsibility to take care of myself. I've never been one to ask a guy for his suit coat at church because I know that I tend to get a chill at church because of the air conditioning being on so high and I bring a wrap. I don't wear bare legs and sandals when I know I'll be in places where I can get a chill (movie theaters). So I dress for the occasion. A light wrap can be very handy. It is easily out of the way when you don't want it, but it can also be wrapped daintily over the shoulders to keep the arms warm or the lap if your legs are chilled. A wrap is a very nice thing to have.

6. A hair tie

If your hair has any length to it, keep a hair tie with you. You never know when you might need to pull your hair back or get it out of the way. I keep one on my key chain.

~ * ~ * ~

Even now I still make sure I have several things with me when we go out. I take my own jacket to church. I keep a hair tie with me. And I don't go anywhere, date or not, without a hankie.

I happen to be an excellent juggler

Brainy Smurf and I finally had our fourth "date" this weekend - dinner and a basketball game. As usual, we had a great time talking and laughing and watching the game.

But.

We paid separately for dinner and I still have to pay him back for the game (made clear by him contacting me a couple of days before to confirm and tell me how much he spent on tickets and "Is that okay?"). Plus, once we got back to his place, where my car was parked, I got a side hug and a "Well-that-was-fun-thanks-for-coming-see-you-later" AS he walked toward his home.

So, while we'll probably still spend time together once in a while, it's pretty clear to me where I stand. Bummer.

Still, I was happy and looking forward to going home, getting into my pjs, and hoping that my DVR had something good waiting for me.

The night had other plans.

Junior, who I hadn't actually seen since our last date earlier in the month but had talked to even earlier in the day, knew I was out at the game. On a whim, I texted him to see how his evening was going, and he invited me to come watch a movie with him and his roommates.

So I did.

Now, it was indeed late and his roommates had given us the couch (or they just took all the other seats in the room out of some unspoken guy code to not sit on the same piece of furniture as another guy), so it wasn't terribly out of character to lean my head on his shoulder. And halfway through the movie, he reached over and took my hand.

I know this gesture doesn't necessarily define our relationship, and it doesn't need to, but it's still incredibly sweet. Other than a hug goodnight, that was the extent of it for the evening, though I did notice a distinct fresh toothpaste aroma after he returned from the bathroom right after the movie, as if he was considering another step.

It feels a little high school, that I'm so pleased with watching a movie with a group but still holding hands with just one of them. After all this time and all the guys I've held hands with, shouldn't I be jaded and think it doesn't really mean anything?

Fortunately, no! I'm glad that such a simple thing hasn't lost its magic. Human touch is powerful, especially of this nature. I've heard from him every day since, and we're trying to find time to get together again soon. I know the odds are against Junior and I, but I'm still looking forward to playing them.

An honest to goodness date

The primary difference between last night's date and my previous "date", was last night was called a date before we went out. It's quite nice, the clarity that exists when you know for certain that it's a date. This was another first date, and a lovely evening at that.

Things that were awesome about this date:

• He asked me out well in advance. He even used the words "go out" at first, and "date" in a follow up.
• He researched and planned on a specific restaurant for dinner. I was expecting a "What are you in the mood for?" text, but instead received "Have you ever eaten at ________ ?" He even made reservations.
• He picked a restaurant that required reservations! A three course restaurant even. This was only the second or third time in my entire dating life I was taken to a restaurant that nice.
  
• He looked really great. I don't remember the last time I was out with a guy in a three piece suit.
  
• Speaking of pre-date texts, he also kept me posted on his location and texted me as he was on his way. I was picking him up at a mass transit station, and he let me know when he was getting off work, when he was getting on, when he was at the stop prior to mine, and when he was at my stop, and we talked and joked via text in between. When he announced he was at the penultimate stop, I teased him not to get too excited, it was just a stop, to which he responded "It's the symbolism of being that much closer to you!" How sweet is that?
  
• We really did enjoy each others' company. Conversation flowed easily, and I didn't even realize that dinner was well over two hours long and the food came out slowly.

It was just a really nice evening. A great first date. We discussed ideas for a second date, and I hope we do go out again. Regardless, it's just good to go out with a good guy once in a while. It had been far too long.

Hey hey! Look who had a date!

I had a date this weekend! It was planned ahead, paired off, and paid for. Hey, it even ended with a hug! While neither of us said the word "date", I'd say if it wasn't a date, I don't know what is. In fact, by true definition, it was probably our second or third date.

Honestly, I'm not sure who asked who out. I told him about a subject I was researching just for fun some weeks back and he was intrigued. I then added that I wanted to go a local museum dedicated to the subject after I'd finished my research, and that we should go together. So, when I was ready I told him so and asked "When do you want to go?" He suggested that very Saturday, and we arranged the rest of the details.

The museum was fascinating, and it spawned some interesting discussion between the two of us. We hadn't planned lunch after, but we almost simultaneously suggested it and he ended up paying.

It was really a good date. We've talked since, and we'll probably go out again. Way too early to say if it's anything, but I'm glad for it anyway.

Just thought I'd share the good news.

For further reading, I've discussed my feelings on the definition of dates before, but here are a couple corroborating articles, both religious and secular.

Doing something right

Trixie said she was interested to know when it would hit me that I'm married. While there have been a few moments where that reality has been there for me, for the most part, it really doesn't feel that different than it did before. But I think that's because we did at least one thing right.

Other than living together and the benefits of being married, it still keeps feeling like we are on one big long date. That doesn't mean that we're walking on eggshells or always dressed up and on our best behavior though. Sure that was how our first few dates were, just as the first few always are in any relationship. But for at least a year before we got engaged our dates were just a natural outflow of our daily lives. We saw each other dressed up for dates, but we also saw each other doing laundry, exercising, going to work, studying, in the hospital (it was me in the hospital, and it still ranks as one of HP's favorite days, it might be the drugs they gave me, but it was pretty fun for me too). So now the only difference is, at the end of the "date," we go to the same bed instead of going to different homes.

A friend asked me today how I enjoyed married life, and I told her, honestly, it doesn't feel much different than before. The marriage just flowed naturally from the courtship. To me, that means that somewhere in the mess that can be dating, we must have done something good.

The year I was 0 for 4 first dates.

Remember that topic Jinxie suggested? The one that got replaced by this post? Turns out I remembered what I was originally going to write about that day, and here it is!

Last year (2008) I had the opportunity to go on four dates. I don't date very much at all, you see, and I never really have, so last year was interesting. Three of the four dates were blind dates set up by well-meaning friends, and not one of them was really worth a second date for me. Nice enough men, but too many things that didn't gel, and that's ok. I don't think I'll write about them, because I do not want to be unkind in any way, real or imagined. Let's just say that I'm glad there was only one date from each of them (even though I actually dropped the ball with the nicest of them, which is a shame). :)

The fourth date was with a friend of a friend. (Do you know how hard it is to come up with code names for people that aren't so specific I'll give myself away, but that aren't so vague that I forget who they are...?) Q is a dear friend of mine and is very talented in many ways. He invited me to join him and some friends for a movie night in September 2008. I showed up to the basement apartment (a hazard of living in an area with two universities within 12 miles of each other) and realized I was the only girl there. This was not a new situation to me--I went for several years being the token female in a couple of apartments, which is always fun and a little unnerving. What was new was the company. Besides Q, I didn't really know anyone there except Reed, who I had met the previous month at another party. I ended up on the couch between Reed and Q and started gently flirting with Reed, joking and making him laugh. Eventually we walked over to Reed's house for pizza and another movie, and he found out that I'd never seen "Firefly". At the end of the night, he suggested getting together sometime to watch it together and I heartily agreed.

A couple of weeks later, he got in touch with me about his proposed date, and we made plans to meet at his house and get some Indian take-out. While our meal was being prepared, we walked around, enjoying the mild weather and some fun little shops down the street from the restaurant. He seemed to like watching my interest in the silly things I'm interested in, and listened with patience and, I think, some enjoyment, to me talk about something important to me. Our food smelled WONDERFUL in the car on the way to his apartment and tasted even better when we got settled in front of the TV. I really enjoyed talking to him and listening to the things he was passionate about, and "Firefly" totally delighted me. At one point, I put my head on his shoulder and he played a little with my hair. It was such a great date, even though I'd had a tiny eye infection from my contacts and couldn't wear any makeup OR my contacts, so I felt a little homely.

He hugged me goodbye and we made tentative plans to get together to watch the rest of the series soon. I drove home smiling--I'd finally gone out with someone attractive to me who had enough similar interests to keep the conversation from lagging or getting awkward. He didn't think my opinions were too strange or too strong. I loved listening to him talk about what he wanted to do with his life. I really looked forward to our next date.

Well, the next date never happened. I ran into him at an event a couple of weeks later and found out he was dating someone else. I was a little disappointed, but I focused on how great our only date had been and realized that, even though things didn't happen the way I wanted them to, it was still great. When I found out he and his girlfriend had broken up, I was sad for both of them.

I don't think I'll ever go out with him again, but I know that whenever I see him, I can be friendly and kind with no bitterness about what might have been. That's a great feeling to have! Here's to more dates like that, and here's hoping at least one of them turns into something a little more significant! After all, it's been a long time since I was kissed... ;)

A favorite date

I get angsty here a lot. You've probably noticed that. That may be my role here though. Roxie is our girl in a healthy relationship with its normal ups and downs. Trixie doesn't really date much, which is a tragedy because she's phenomenal. And then I date around, get attention here and there, go on dates by definition (and every so often an actual date), and it never goes anywhere.

So of course I'm angsty.

Time for a change of pace. This is the story of one of my favorite dates.

To set the stage: I had just finished my freshman year at college. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost a year and were very much in love, but he was preparing to leave for an LDS mission for two years. All of our dates at this point were special and important, because we knew things were going to change forever very soon. We'd known each other for five years by this time, since we'd been in the same home ward since my family had moved in when I was 14. Another man in our ward owned a company that just about every young man in our ward worked for him at some point as a teenager. My boyfriend and his best friends were no exception.

These boys, all of their own accord, decided to host a semi-formal dance in their boss' warehouse. Each of them invited their dates, then spent the next couple of weeks cleaning the warehouse, decorating, putting together a mix CD or two (this was pre-iPod after all), and planning the whole thing. I couldn't wait.

The evening arrived. I wore a dress his mother had helped my mother make back when I was 16 for Junior Prom, which he had actually asked me to. Sadly, he asked me two hours later than the Sophomore I actually went with. He had seen the dress, but I'd never worn it for him. He wore a very sharp suit.

The boys picked up their dates and we went back to someone's parents' house for pictures. (I wonder where those are.) Then, we went out for a delicious dinner at a Mexican restaurant. There was a good group dynamic and we were all getting along very well.

Then it was time for our dance. Four boys in their late teens had done the decorating and it was perfect. The music they'd put together was lovely with a great mix of everything. We had some group numbers and switched partners for slow songs once in a while. They even brought a couple of board games when we were all ready for a break. It really was wonderful.

My least favorite moment: We had chaperones at the dance. I thought this was silly, but most of our group, in fact everyone but my boyfriend and I, had just graduated high school and the chaperones were a couple of their parents. So it made sense. Still, it annoyed me since I'd just been away from home for a year and hadn't had a chaperone it at least that long, plus they were far too close to

My absolute favorite moment: Part of the decorations were that the boys had splatter painted the floor. Except for one spot. My boyfriend had painted a giant pink heart, big enough for the two of us to stand in with room to spare. Inside the heart were the words "Boyfriend + Jinxie", and there was probably an arrow through it. Cliche? Sure, but have you seen such a heart painted on a floor before? I didn't think so. When our song came on, he led me to our spot, and we danced, cheek to cheek. It's possible he even sang the words in my ear, and I know he told me he loved me. We most certainly kissed at the end of the song. Soon enough, I truly did not care that anyone else was in the room. It. Was. Perfect.

The whole night was just magical. It was perfect for us and our relationship, both fun and romantic. That relationship was the first real relationship either of us had been in, and he was just a natural at knowing how to treat me right. We wrote each other for his entire mission (though I had dated others while he was away), and we rekindled almost immediately upon his return home. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be, and he's since married a very lucky woman. I'm happy for them, even though he is the one who got away. With dates like this, how could he not be?

Well, isn't that just perfect?

I met a guy last week. We flirted all evening. Spent the majority of the 4th of July together (well, with a group, but I was there at his invitation). Went out again earlier this evening.

He's funny, tall, cute, gets my geeky references, and was complimentary of me AND my profession. We've had a lot of fun this past week.

He's moving away on Thursday and I'll probably never see him again.

Super.

If a chimp can take it's mate on a date...

It was with interest that I recently read a report on the mating habits of chimpanzees. It seems that the male chimps that go off and hunt meat and then bring it back to the group and share it with the females in the group get to have more sex with said females than the males in the group that don't treat the females to dinner. And it isn't an immediate exchange either. The male might bring the female meat for a while with no sex. But then when she's fertile, that male that brought her food gets to have twice as much sex as the self-ish ones.

So what is the lesson in all of this?

It's simple. Men who take women on dates get the women. Men who are self-ish or just hang out, don't get the women.

I mean, if a male chimp can court the female and take her out to dinner, why is it so hard for male humans to figure out the same thing?

From Elder Oaks (Dating versus Hanging Out, Ensign, June 2006):

My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football.

And also:

A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.

I'm 30. I'm not going to hang-out any more. And honestly, I haven't wanted to hang out since the end of my mission.

I think I speak for many when I say, stop hanging-out and start bringing me meat!

And I did get a date Saturday night. And it was great.

Good weekend

This weekend, I had not one, but two guys "dippin' in my sauce", as someone once called it. It took me by surprise, especially the first. I went to the movies with a group of friends and halfway through the film, the guy I'd driven with offered his hand to hold, something I thought we'd only joked about before the film started. It was nice, the hand holding, even if I'm not sure I'm interested in him.

The latter, though not specifically "a date" was, for all intents and purposes, a date. And it was lovely. I've talked about him before. I was simply enjoying his company and then things took a turn for the physical.

Do I have any idea what's going on with either of them? Negatory. But things do look promising.

What defines a date?

Friday, I went out with a young man I've known for some time now. I paid for our first date and we both agreed we should spend more time together. A few weeks ago, I started mentioning it again, saying "We should play soon." He'd nod his head enthusiastically, and we finally arranged to meet at a local movie theater.

He arrived first and had already purchased tickets. When I arrived, he offered treats, which, in the several years I've been dating, I don't know if I've ever been offered before. I actually stumbled over my delivery of what I would like, but with popcorn, candy, and drinks in hand we enjoyed the film.

He didn't make any moves. Nor did I. We didn't even hug goodnight. I think I waved. Odd.

Now, he and I have never used the words "date" or "go out" to define our social engagements. It was always "play" or "get together". However, when he ultimately paid for the whole thing, and it was just the two of us, I'm pretty sure Friday was a date.

According to dictionary. com, a date (such as the ones we discuss here) can be defined in one of two ways:

a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person

OR

a person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement

Colloquially, urbandictionary.com defines it thusly

Two people getting together for an activity when the possibility of romance between them has been broached but not ruled out. Since the exploration of romance is the purpose of a date, merely asking someone out on a date is sufficient to broach the subject. Dates may or not continue once a couple have entered into a romantic relationship. The word "date" may be used to identify a get together between two people not romantically involved, but this usage is meant to convey irony, since such a meeting is not a date in the true sense of the word.

OR

A lost art, virtually nonexistent in the 21st Century. Replaced by casual meetings for lunch or coffee where the bill is dutch and parties wear jeans.

I'm rather fond of the last definition myself. Whenever I hint to a guy I'm interested in that I'm interested in going on a date, I either mention a specific activity (i.e. "I heard that movie was great! I've really wanted to see it." or "Bicycling? I love bicycling. We should go some time.") or say things like "get together", "play", or "do something".

I avoid "hang out" with guys I like as if it were the plague. That is much too casual. But say the word "date" and all sorts of drama ensues. Since dates imply relationships which imply marriage which implies family which implies forever and "Holy cow! I just met you! You want to marry me?"

Why no, actually, I just want a date. A first date does not mean forever.

I wish people, guys, specifically, would be more specific and say "Would you like to go out to lunch on Saturday?" or "Would you like to go with me to That One Movie on Friday?"

I haven't been asked on a date like that in ages, and if no such specifications are made, it can easily be assumed that even though it walks like a date, talks like a date, and looks like a date, it's not actually a date because no one said such things and nothing happened and it's not even clear if either party actually likes the other one.

It's so confusing.

That said, even though the words "date" or "go out" were never used, I definitely had a date on Saturday with a different guy. It went well enough that I'm wondering if I have to worry about Valentine's Day now. Hopefully, I'll have more on that later.