Not putting things off

I am grateful I got married when I did for many reasons. While I was single I had a career. I changed careers. I did a bit of traveling. I took classes and learned new things. I tried out new talents. I met fascinating people. I learned who I am.

I did not put off marriage so I could do those things. But rather I did not put off life simply because I wasn't married.

I'm still not putting off life. There's just someone else in it now.

If you're happy and you know it

Wisdom from Dilbert.

Marriage won't make you happy. You have to do that on your own. You can never let your happiness depend on the actions of somebody else because you can never choose their actions. Sure, being single sucks some times, a lot of times. But that doesn't mean you get to be all depressed and woe is me about it. Depressed, boring, uninteresting people are never attractive.

For all the trouble Dilbert has with his dating life, at least he's got that point figured out.

Improvement

I keep forgetting to blog, so I'm glad I have a reminder in my calendar for this little project.  I've been thinking about how hard it is for me to find something to talk about on here.  I want to avoid being overly whiny, because there are enough whiny singles blogs out there.  I want to avoid being overly prideful, because there are enough "look at me!" blogs out there.  So, between those two limits, I find myself thinking I don't have much to day.  In my real life, I'm not overly whiny or prideful--I don't complain about being single because, really, there's not much I can do about it (and don't suggest online dating, because I always feel like throwing up just thinking about it) besides keep doing what I'm doing and have faith that everything is happening the way it needs to.  I don't think I'm all that awesome; maybe I have a certain cool factor because I do what I like and buy myself pretty things and don't get all hung up on what people are thinking about me, but I got here after a very long journey through years of depression and self-doubt.

My life is work and family.  The last time I went on a date was when I went to lunch with Ken back in August, and I paid.  I get involved in hobbies and projects, and I flirt when I can, but mostly I try to make people comfortable and happy.  I don't go to work looking for dates (and would NEVER date anyone I've met at my new job--all the single guys are too short or too awkward), I don't go to a singles ward, and I avoid singles activities with all my might.  So I work, I occasionally go to lunch with some of the other women there, and I come home and hang out with my family, or I don't come home and instead work on outisde projects with fun people.  The goal of my social interaction is not to find a husband, but to do something challenging and meet like-minded people.  I'm sure there are people out there who would say I'm wrong to take my focus off husband-hunting, but it feels right to do things that make me happy.  I don't buy into "The Secret" and I refuse to compete with 20-year-olds, so I usually end up doing my own thing and enjoying myself.  In fact, I enjoy my time a lot more when I'm not constantly worried about whether or not someone approves of what I'm doing.  I think God approves, and that's enough for me.

Do I want to get married?  Heck yes I do!  But I'm not going to force anything or anyone.  I've prayed about this, and the answer I almost always get is "hang on, he's coming."  So I do my thing, find happiness in my family and friends, and try to be my best self.  When it's right, it'll happen.  Until then (and probably even after), I'll be looking for a tap dancing class to take.

Love me for me

Three years ago today I got married. And no, I still don't have him "trained." I married him because I love who he is, not because of who I could make him to be. He married me because he loves who I am, not because of what he could change me into. We are a good love match.

We've both changed and grown in the last three years, although I'm a little too close to the action to be able to identify those changes. But it hasn't been a result of coercion or manipulation. It is the result of simply living life and adjusting to this new life we are creating.

Being loved for who you are is all any of us want, and that extends beyond marriage. Our parents love us for who we are not who they wish we were. Our friends, if they are good friends, love us for who we are. Is it really love if they are loving you for who you aren't?

Choosing to marry as an introvert

Once upon a time, both Roxie and I shared our thoughts about relationships and introversion. My thoughts are here, Roxie's are here.

Before I met Roscoe, I was worried about how I would make the transition from interminably single to married. Since I am older and more set in my ways than your average Mormon child bride, I was worried about that too. Roscoe and I remember talking at the beginning of our relationship about how I might want to go off and do my own thing and get space once in a while. I had hope that I would be able to let someone into my life, especially permanently, without having a "people hangover", but I didn't know how that was going to happen.

Well, as Roxie has been telling for a while now, when there is love and choice in the matter, it's a lot easier than you think! Roscoe and I see each other EVERY day. I can't remember the last time I didn't see him at some point during our day.

And I can't get enough of him.

It helps a LOT that he is an introvert as well, has similar social behavior to my own when we're out at church or with friends and is perfectly content doing his own thing when we're just us and one of us has something we need to accomplish, though we spend our mutual leisure time doing the same activity.

Right now, we're in our huge apartment together, with triple the square footage of the apartment we spent the majority of our courtship in, and there might be an inch between us on the couch. He's doing his project for the evening and I'm doing mine. We lightly touch the other (he just rubbed the back of his hand on my leg) or request a kiss or talk as we are so moved to, but, if anything, we're feeding off each other's presence without draining the other's energy.

It might be different when we're seeing each other in the mornings too, but on the occasions where we are practically together from waking up to going to sleep (mostly Saturdays and Sundays), I still don't get tired of being around him, and I can't say that for the vast majority of people I know. Especially not many days in a row.

We considered it a sign that after 10 days of traveling to meet each other's families and being practically inseparable during that time we didn't want to part ways when our trip was over and go back to our own homes, even though we knew we'd see each other the next evening. We never fought once during that trip and didn't need to take "space".

It's awesome and certainly better than I might have hoped!

It's just fine...

Things that I've decided are just fine:

Being annoyed at men my age for dating 20-year-olds

Having lots of pretty nail polish (including black)

Preferring amusing sheets instead of boring solid colors

Being annoyed at single women my age who have given up

Not wearing makeup every day

Watching cartoons

Wanting to have a bright pink bathroom

Liking lamps

Buying things just because they're pretty

Knowing a lot about my car

Being annoyed when I get a runny nose

Peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches

Leftover squash for breakfast...followed by dry cereal

Colored ceilings

Being mad about those 20 extra pounds even though everyone says I don't need to lose weight

Missing the family dog who died over 20 years ago

Not having a problem with Barbie
Having a problem with Bratz dolls

Knowing that my kids might be the same age as my friends' grandkids

Somehow being at peace with my life even though society tells me I shouldn't be

Not worrying too much about getting married.

Heart

Recently, I've had the regular opportunity to be around some adorable children. They are so sweet--yes, they're little monsters, but they're SO sweet. It has been a delight to be around them. Tonight, one of them did something so cute I could barely contain myself. I turned to the woman next to me (who has children in a range of ages, the oldest just about married) and said "I want a baby RIGHT NOW!" She smiled and said, "they're awfully cute, aren't they? Are you trying to have kids?" I laughed and replied, "I'm not even married yet! Let me rephrase: I want a date, and then a second date, and then a boyfriend, and then a fiance, and then a husband, and THEN a baby. I have to do it all in the right order, you know!" She laughed too, and then touched my hand and said, "You have a wonderful mother heart. I can tell just watching you how loving you are. Don't ever lose that heart!"

I was sincerely touched. I told her I was doing my best to stay gentle and loving, even though it's hard to be kind to everyone some days. . . It is good to be reminded that it's ok to be kind, especially to children. It's ok to call them "sweetie" when I see them. It's ok to let my heart be soft around them. Sometimes I think we feel like we can't allow ourselves to love because we might not get what we want to love. Yes, it's hard to love without the surety that we get to keep the loved one, but life is so much better when we allow ourselves to love spontaneously and honestly. I love the kids I get to interact with--I think I'll let myself do that without being upset about the children I don't have yet.

Eccentric?

My dad is painting and installing closet doors lately, and after inspecting one of the doors at his request, I declared, "I love white doors, but if I feel like painting them orange, I think I will. I figure it will be my house and no one should care if I paint my closet doors orange."

That pretty much sums up my feelings on interior colors--if you want orange closet doors, why not have them? It's just a can of paint and some time, right? Besides, we could all use a little color in our lives. :)

Checklist of pride

Today a sister gave me back a book I'd loaned her. It's a book I've loaned out several times because it changed my perspective on things so much. It's called, "Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem: Twelve Keys to Finding Peace" by Ester Rasband. I think everyone should read it.

After she gave it to me I was flipping through it I came across the section, in the chapter about identifying the needs of your heart, about people who live a checklist life.

I have a lot of checklists. They help me remember to do all the little things. So this section caught my eye. And as I reread it, my eyes became wet. This was the section I needed to read today.

The type of checklist talked about in the book is the one that leads us to say "I've done x, y, and z, now the Lord owes me the blessing I want." Which is something I recognized in me. There have been times, and now is one of them, when my prayer is something along the lines of, "I've done everything that is in my power, now it's your turn Lord."

We do need to do everything that is in our power, this is true. But that isn't the way to think about it, like a checklist. My prayers and thoughts should instead be "Thy will be done" or at the very least "help me accept Thy will."

When I was single I did everything I could think of. I was faithful in attending my church meetings. I expanded my talents to make sure I kept growing. I put myself out there in different ways so that it would be possible to meet people even if I would've rather just stayed home. But doing all of that won't bring peace if I'm then going to the Lord and basically saying, "What's wrong with you that everything I've done isn't enough?" Pride is never peace.

Things with that aspect of my life worked out better than I could've imagined. And I need to let that experience of putting that aspect of my life in God's hands to put my life back in His hands.

Desires for marriage and children are righteous desires. We should do all we can along those lives. But then we also need to remember not to hold it against God when he knows what is best for us better than we do. The natural man is prideful and putting him off is not easy. But it is the only way to have peace. And I could definitely use more peace in my life right now. I don't know that I'm strong enough yet to say "Thy will be done" but I can at least change my prayers to ask for help in accepting His will.

Delight

Remember last time how someone mentioned I was a "young 36" and I thought part of it is that I'm still curious and sometimes silly?

Tonight, I watched "This Old House" with my family and was absolutely delighted at the tools and techniques and innovation they show every episode. I loved hearing them describe how different tools do different jobs. I enjoyed watching them demonstrate an innovative techniqe. I was fascinated by how things were put together. I wanted to learn more about some specific tools and materials!

Tonight, I put sparkly nail polish on my fingernails and am so delighted by it that I keep getting distracted while I type because it's so pretty.

This morning, I was so delighted by a small boy's running and playing that I clapped my hands and grinned like crazy.

This afternoon, I went to my church to check for some equipment I need for my lesson tomorrow, and was delighted to find the library had exactly what I was looking for.

This morning, I met a sweet cocker spaniel/blue heeler cross who licked my hand and I laughed with delight while I stroked her soft ears and watched her walk around the room.

There is SO MUCH in this world that is delightful!

Giving up hope

One of my favorite quotes about hope is:

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
- Shawshank Redemption

I recently heard a father talking about his son who had recently gotten married. He actually said, "We'd almost given up hope" because this poor son had hit 30 before getting married.

How sad is that!?! Parents giving up hope on their kids. That's kind of rotten parenting isn't it?

Now, I'm pretty sure that isn't what that father meant, but that doesn't mean I haven't heard it many times in many places. However, the words that come out of your mouth reflect the thoughts rolling around in your head. So if you're saying you have no hope in your kids than somewhere you're thinking they are a lost cause.

I never lost hope in myself. It might have dimmed at times but it never went out. Don't lose hope. Don't let it die. Have true hope and faith.

Hanging In There

Well, it's been two weeks since the demise of my relationship with Sk8er Boi. I'll be honest, I still miss him, though it is transitioning from missing him to just missing being in something.

This is a good sign.

I still get really angry sometimes and go through all the "Why not this time? When do I get to be happy? Why does no one else notice me?" and bang my fists into my pillows. Sometimes, I still get really sad, like someone is missing.

I still want to text someone (usually him) goodnight, but who in the world wants to hear from me late at night?

I long for a hug. A good one. That neither person wants to end.

I really hate this conversation:

Well-meaning person I know: How's/Where's Sk8erBoi?

Jinxie: He's well, I'm sure/I don't know. We actually broke up.

Well-meaning person I know: Oh, I'm sorry! Why?

Jinxie: Timing.

If it's a friend, and a private conversation, maybe I'll go more into it, and maybe they already knew anyway. Acquaintances at church who met him once at a party? I'm not going into that, thankyouverymuch.

I wonder if he thinks about me.

On the bright side, I'm getting back into my usual sleeping schedule. I have more positive hours and days than not. I have some really incredible friends, and I'm glad to be spending time with them. And tonight, I might actually fold the laundry I haven't touched (other than to dig clothes out of) for weeks.

As always, I'm taking it one day at a time. Yes, the relationship was only two months (or so) long, but considering my recent (as in the last 6 years) history, that's pretty significant, and it's a real loss. I'm allowed to take some time and mourn it and get back to the business of me. Considering some other shakeups to my schedule that happened around the same time that have freed up other non-date evenings, it's no wonder I'm feeling a little lost right now. It's bizarre, since I remember what it was like to be totally single and thriving, since it was only April for heaven's sake, so why do I feel so wander-y?

It's coming. I feel the healing and the joy returning and I will take back my life. Something better is out there, and I'm on my way.

And that is a good feeling.

Nailbiter

The very beginning of relationship is so much fun, right? The giggling when he does something so sweet, the anticipation of that first kiss (or even the 27th, because it's still so new), wondering what he has planned for your next date. The butterflies. The new sparks. That first time you hold hands.

Except I kind of hate it.

In the midst of all that new and exciting cuteness, there's the insecurity that comes from none of your last several guys making it past a month for often indiscernible reasons, so why should this time be any different? There's the fact that you're still learning to communicate with each other, and you're not quite sure when he's teasing or being serious or what his love language is and neither is he about you.

Today, for example, we sent text messages back and forth for a few hours and instead of focusing on the the facts that he called me "hun" twice in one text last night, then sent me a text relatively soon after waking today, and our texts today ranged from intellectual to flirty and remained constant until he got to work, my brain keeps pointing out that he hasn't called me by any term of endearment yet today, nor have we set up any plans for tomorrow when we're both finally free, and that I had to initiate our conversation after work last night.

Why, brain? Why?

I would much rather be in that comfortable middle ground, where you're definitely in a relationship and while there are still risks and potential exits, it's more secure. You know each other better, can read each other's moods, and are cementing stronger communication patterns to work out the little kinks or even the not so little ones.

Yes, the beginning of something new can be crazy awesome. I happen to love that we text each other good night and good morning and talk everyday, even if we don't see each other more than two or three times a week yet. Considering the circumstances of his last relationship and how it ended, I'm pretty sure he's not a runner. I just have to remember to take a breath. We're taking things slow and talking LOTS, so we're good. We have to go through this insecure part to get to the comfortable middle anyway.

Am I crazy? Have you experienced the same thing? Should I just ask if he still wants to go out tomorrow and stop worrying about it?

Be Excellent To Each Other

Disclaimer: Allusions to strong language and a plea not to use certain terms.

When I first heard the c-word for a woman, I was relatively unphased. I had escaped the previous 20 years or so not knowing of its existence and, therefore, was unaware of the weight it carried. Eventually, that changed. I came to realize how harsh and unkind it really was and it was added to the list of words the truly shock and offend me when I hear it, no matter the context.

And now, I can't seem to escape it. Somehow, certain people I follow online seem to toss that word around like it means nothing, among other random occurrences. While I usually don't care if someone needs to vent about a co-worker or roommate, hearing them referred to as such a cruel term makes my heart hurt. Similarly, it kills me a little inside when I hear females calling each other "whore" or worse, a la Mean Girls.

Fortunately, I have never been called any of those things, at least not to my face. Although, if anyone ever did call me a "ho", you can bet this would happen with lightning speed: How Not To Address a Lady and most of the time I hear things like this, I want to shout "Stop it! Are they really a ____? No, so be nice!"

Unfortunately, I am not innocent of using less heavy terms but with similar sentiment. I don't just throw it around in my everyday parlance, but I have been know to refer to someone else as a female dog, usually in extreme jest. But even in jest and to a party who knows without a doubt I don't really think that of them, is it really necessary?

No. It is not.

Maybe it's the pseudo-Southern girl in me, but I really do strive to be nice to everyone, sometimes to a fault. I don't like everyone I meet, not by a long shot, but I'm at least nice to them. I'm even nice to my neighbor who launches into a tirade about something new every time we see each other.

So why would I call my friends unkind terms? Why should anyone?

I really wish we wouldn't, and I hereby resolve to do a better job and live by this standard:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

Life is hard enough without us being mean to each other all the time. No one is perfect, but I'm willing to bet that most of us are actually trying to be a good person and do good things, and we shouldn't discount that.

So, what do you think? Are you with me?

Grain of Salt

As much as I wish there were, there is no magic pill or answer for how to find my future spouse. Two unique individuals who find each other, like each other at the same time, and choose to love each other for the rest of forever is nothing short of a miracle. But until that time, what do those of us who are still looking do?

I can only really think of four things.

Be the Best You

Unless you're an axe murderer, you're probably a really great person and there is someone out there for you. So what if some people think you're too weird or too bookish or too loud? Even weird, bookish, and loud people can find love. Now, there are always things we can improve about ourselves, whether it's exercising more, learning a new talent, or being a better sister/friend/daughter, but as long as you're a fundamentally good person striving to be the best person you can be, good things will come to you.

Be Patient

Most of us will not marry the first person we seriously date. Most of us will have to wait longer than we wish we had to in order to find our mate. But it will happen. Someday. As Mormons, we do believe that if it's not in this life, it will be in the next, provided we did the best we could here. But it WILL happen! This one is particularly hard for me, because I want it NOW, but if I have to wait, I'll wait.

Be Kind

Dating sucks. There's too much uncertainty and weirdness and wondering. But we all have to go through it. We might as well be nice about it. If you have to turn someone down, do so politely. If you need to break up with someone, don't just stop calling or disappear, just tell them. We're all adults and we all have the capability of acting like it.

Take Risks

Only in p0rn does the woman of the house meet someone who just happens to be stopping by (delivery boy/mailman/etc.). The rest of us have to get out there and make a little effort. Be true to yourself, so if you're not the bar type, don't go to bars. But do something. Talk to that cute guy, go out with someone you'd never usually think of going out with, etc. Today, I asked a guy out for next weekend, and he said yes! Call me traditional, but I don't like asking guys out. I did it anyway, and who knows where it might lead?

Any other advice you may hear, even from us? Totally based on individual preferences and what worked for someone else. Take what you like, leave what you like. Just be the best you, be patient, be kind and take a few risks. The rest will work itself out.

Or so I hear. :)

Wrapping Up?

Well, I'm the last one to post for NaBloPoMo, so I suppose it's up to me to wrap up. Or not. Sometimes I'm contrary. :)

One of the things I've noticed about participating in NaBloPoMo, and this blog in general, is that I often don't feel as though I have anything relevant to say. But what am I expected to say? What is relevant to being single that isn't also relevant to being married? I worry about dying alone, but doesn't everyone? As far as I can see, the only appreciable difference between a single person and a married person is relationship status. We both worry about family, money, housing, cars, jobs, church callings, the world around us. I don't have my own children, but I worry about and love my nieces and nephews, my cousins' and friends' children, and the children in my ward. I am one of four "breadwinners" in my household and worry about bills, who will pay what, and what's going to be overdue if we pay another bill on time. I have to clean, I have to put gas in my car, I have to take care of my clothes and health (and, often, the health of those around me), I have to shop and organize finances.

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I have no idea what others go through. I have an idea; whether or not I've gone through that experience has no bearing on how I feel about it or how I can help, right? That's obviously a broad statement that doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel like I am valuable and, because I can't exactly relate, can often offer help or perspective that people who CAN relate don't necessarily have because they're too close to what's happening.

Maybe I AM different. I decided years ago to not turn into one of those "no one understands poor little me" people. It has proven a blessing, even though it is occasionally a struggle to remember to not be one of those people. I credit my change in attitude, and a LOT of faith, with my overall happiness about my life. My life is far from ideal, but I realized the other day, as I was going to bed, that if this is as good as my life will be, it's a pretty great life. I don't have a lot of money, I don't have the best job, I'm in a couple of weird situations, but I have a pretty great life.

Funny how perspective changes things. Thanks for reading us in November. Happy December!

Personal Progress

I completed the Personal Progress program when I was a Young Woman. Actually I finished it half a life-time and two modifications of the theme ago. With the new Personal Progress book being released there has been a lot of encouragement for not-so-young women to go back and do it if they never did or do it again if they already did it. The Young Women's president in my ward recently completed it even.

Now I'm all about goals. I set many for myself. And I think a lot of the goals in Personal Progress are real good things. In fact I've even thought several times, especially when I was single and not dating much, about getting a book and going through it again. I thought that improving myself in the way that would happen by working on those goals would be very attractive (people who are metaphorically sitting on their backside twiddling their thumbs are never attractive). I would've had my friends and visiting teachers sign me off on them. The only thing is, I'm not a big jewelry person (I wear my wedding rings and that's it). So I don't want someone to feel like they have to give me the new medallion if I do it.

But still, I think I might want to do it. And since you can now keep track of all of it online, I don't even need to get a physical book. Care to join me?

I'll never be like her

I keep a list on my phone of things I want to blog about in the future. Lacking inspiration recently, I was studying the list, hoping that something there would spark and I would remember what I meant by "timing" or "blind date."

One thing on my list reads "Comparing myself to others - vicious cycle." I had a vague idea about what I was thinking when I wrote that, but try as I might, nothing was coming to mind. Honestly, I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately, so I didn't feel like fleshing that idea out was necessary.

Then yesterday, I went blogsurfing, and I immediately remembered what I'd be thinking when I wrote myself that note.

You see, this girl whose blog I was perusing is an acquaintance, someone I've actually known for more than six years now. We've never been friends and probably never will be, but that's fine.

What's not fine is me reading her blog and then letting my jealousy get the best of me. As I kept clicking "Older Post" and reading more, I kept thinking things like,

"Ugh. She's so skinny. I'll never be that skinny. No wonder that ensemble looks so good on her."

"She has a weekly dinner party? I wish I had friends I could set that up with. Wait, they meet more than once a week!?"

"I wish people commented on every single one of my posts too."

"I wish I traveled as much as she does."

"She's so popular. I'll never be that popular."

It's sick. Fortunately, my rational brain starts piping in a little bit too.

"But you're not super fat. Do you have to lifted from your house by crane? No. Do people still say you're pretty? Yes. Right. Then shush, go to the gym a little more and stop worrying about it."

"You'd hate the stress of entertaining friends three times a week. Introvert, remember? Maybe if it were a rotating thing at different houses. And, besides, she has roommates who can help and make up of half the dinner party anyway. She might not even be the official hostess. So shut it!"

"People do comment on your blog. All of your blogs. And it increases the more often you write. So write more consistently and stop worrying."

"You do travel. Remember? Remember how you were just in that same country she's posting pictures of? Yeah. Shush."

"No, no you're not popular, but you do have friends who like you a lot."

"She doesn't have a boyfriend either, so it's not like being her solves that problem." (Okay, so that one is bordering back on mean.)

"WHY ARE YOU STILL SKIMMING HER BLOG!?"

And then I close the tab and move on with my life.

Until I happen upon another blog that gives me cause to think such things.

Such is life. On the plus side, there are blogs I read whose authors I am a wee bit jealous of, but I use them as inspiration. Like this super cute married couple who do super cute married things? Someday I will be married, employ some of their successful marriage techniques, and we'll be nauseatingly adorable ourselves.

My life really is pretty darn great, and it suits me. My clothes, my friends, my adventures, my job - all suitable to me. The things I don't like? I can change, because I am me. And I am okay.

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it – I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.

I am me, and I am Okay.

From Self Esteem by Virginia Satir

Want to know who I love?

I love me.

I love my intelligence.

I love what I have accomplished in my life thus far.

I love my ambitions and dreams and things I have yet to accomplish.

I love spending time with me.

I love my humor.

I love the way I move.

I love knowing myself well and still learning things about me all the time.

I love my hair.

I love my complexion.

I love my talents.

I love being alive!

With all this talk of singlehood and occasional lamenting of that fact, it's good to remember sometimes that we do love ourselves and being in our own company. We're going to be with ourselves for an awfully long time!

--Posted wirelessly by Jinxie

Do you make the first move?

If you're an American woman, chances are that you don't. If you're a Spanish woman, you do! A new study by an international dating site found that Spanish women are twice as likely as American women to initiate contact. Only Ecuadorian women are less outgoing.

Well. That's disheartening.

Now, I've done the online dating thing in the past. I made first contact sometimes, if a guy really caught my interest. Obviously, the online dating thing hasn't worked for me, and I don't actively participate in it at this time.

But what about in person? I was just talking on Monday about how I could benefit from opening my mouth more. Apparently, this is a theme for me this month.

What I really need to do is stop talking about it, and actually do something. Time to find me a wingwoman and go to the Institute dance this weekend!

How are you doing on making the first move?