I could remember my pains no more

When I was lonely and single, especially when I was hurt and sad and angry and frustrated, whether at an individual or the whole single situation, I knew, somehow, that whomever I ended up finding and marrying would be worth the wait and the hurt. That, like Alma in The Book of Mormon in Alma 36:20, I would be able to say: "And oh, what joy , and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"

I experienced this while Roscoe and I were dating and engaged - I was so happy and knew that happiness would grow for the rest of forever that it already made up for everything I had gone through while I was waiting for him.

What I really hadn't considered was verse 19: "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more." Alma couldn't even remember the hurt.

Last night, Roscoe and I were watching TV together and a main character was breaking up with his girlfriend, who has been a supporting character this season. She'd done nothing wrong, he'd just realized he was in love with someone else, and so he ended it.

Watching her cry, knowing I'd been in similar situations of being blindsided by a breakup, I realized that if I'd been watching that episode a year ago, I probably would have been hit with at least a twinge of how much that sucks and hurts.

This time, sitting with and holding the hand of my husband of five weeks, I felt nothing. I was sad for her (though, admittedly, happier that this character was going to get back to his real love), but I felt nothing for me. I ran through some names in my head of jerks in my past and nothing, no hurt, no sadness, just peace and happiness for the life ahead. I truly "could remember my pains no more."

Of course, I paused the show, told Roscoe about this and just how happy he makes me. He's amazing.

It also reminds me of the Atonement, which is why Alma could no longer remember his pains. It's not just about the pain of sin, but of the pain of disease, injury, and even heartache. Jesus took that all on Himself so that we could overcome them and continue on our path of eternal progression.

It's an amazing blessing and I am feeling very grateful for it today!

Temporary Madness

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Louis De Bernieres

Godly Love

The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity.

-Spencer W. Kimball

This year, I am thankful for having this kind of love with Roscoe.

For time and all eternity

In one month from today, Roscoe and I will be entering the temple to sealed for time and all eternity. Forever! What a blessing!

From the church website about temples:

Sealing

Another temple ordinance is the sealing ordinance, in which husbands and wives are sealed to each other and children are sealed to their parents in eternal families. This means that if we are faithful to our covenants, our family relationships will continue for eternity. People sometimes also refer to this ordinance as “temple marriage” or “eternal marriage.”

This is the kind of marriage I have always wanted and I'm so happy to have found someone who will enter into that covenant with me! 

Us Two

By A. A. Milne

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
"Where are you going today?" says Pooh:
"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.
Let's go together," says Pooh, says he.
"Let's go together," says Pooh.

"What's twice eleven?" I said to Pooh.
("Twice what?" said Pooh to Me.)
"I think it ought to be twenty-two."
"Just what I think myself," said Pooh.
"It wasn't an easy sum to do,
But that's what it is," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what it is," said Pooh.

"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.
"Yes, let's," said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.
"As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what they are," said Pooh.

"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh.
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!
Silly old dragons!"- and off they flew.

"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,
"I'm never afraid with you."

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. "That's how it is," says Pooh.

Choosing to marry as an introvert

Once upon a time, both Roxie and I shared our thoughts about relationships and introversion. My thoughts are here, Roxie's are here.

Before I met Roscoe, I was worried about how I would make the transition from interminably single to married. Since I am older and more set in my ways than your average Mormon child bride, I was worried about that too. Roscoe and I remember talking at the beginning of our relationship about how I might want to go off and do my own thing and get space once in a while. I had hope that I would be able to let someone into my life, especially permanently, without having a "people hangover", but I didn't know how that was going to happen.

Well, as Roxie has been telling for a while now, when there is love and choice in the matter, it's a lot easier than you think! Roscoe and I see each other EVERY day. I can't remember the last time I didn't see him at some point during our day.

And I can't get enough of him.

It helps a LOT that he is an introvert as well, has similar social behavior to my own when we're out at church or with friends and is perfectly content doing his own thing when we're just us and one of us has something we need to accomplish, though we spend our mutual leisure time doing the same activity.

Right now, we're in our huge apartment together, with triple the square footage of the apartment we spent the majority of our courtship in, and there might be an inch between us on the couch. He's doing his project for the evening and I'm doing mine. We lightly touch the other (he just rubbed the back of his hand on my leg) or request a kiss or talk as we are so moved to, but, if anything, we're feeding off each other's presence without draining the other's energy.

It might be different when we're seeing each other in the mornings too, but on the occasions where we are practically together from waking up to going to sleep (mostly Saturdays and Sundays), I still don't get tired of being around him, and I can't say that for the vast majority of people I know. Especially not many days in a row.

We considered it a sign that after 10 days of traveling to meet each other's families and being practically inseparable during that time we didn't want to part ways when our trip was over and go back to our own homes, even though we knew we'd see each other the next evening. We never fought once during that trip and didn't need to take "space".

It's awesome and certainly better than I might have hoped!

Bridal shower

Today, some darling friends threw me a bridal shower. They offered shortly after our engagement, which was incredibly kind of them, and it was really lovely. At first it was awkward, though only on my end, because I'm not always the center of attention. Then I relaxed and just enjoyed being in the company of wonderful women whom I love and who love me and who are so happy for me.

Were there a few no-shows that I missed? Of course, but that's okay. I was more than blessed by the presence of those who did come.

Naturally, the awkwardness returned as I opened a couple of the gifts, but even so, I knew I was safe in their company. I anticipate everything will come in handy!

It was a great few hours. I am truly a blessed woman!

Love is as love does

M. Scott Peck says it poignantly in The Road Less Traveled:

Love is as love does. Love is an act of will -- namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.
By stating that it is when a couple falls out of love that they may begin to really love I am also implying that real love does not have its roots in a feeling of love. To the contrary, real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don't feel loving.

Working together

Yesterday, Roscoe and I ran a LOT of errands together. Post office, clothing store, groceries, and some other things I'm surely forgetting. We also tried to set up the Internet in our new apartment together and after 90 minutes on the phone, mostly on hold, got a really late start on our errands and an appointment with a tech. We also worked out together and studied side by side.

Today, we worked with the tech to get the Internet up and running for real. We made dinner together and cleaned up together. We got our portion of the wedding invitations stuffed and hand-corrected a typo on all of them. We updated our wedding registry and finalized our wedsite.

Was it the most fun work? Not always. But was it fun to do it together? Absolutely. I don't think couples need to be joined at the hip all the time, but I do think they need to share burdens and work together. It has helped us grow and strengthened our relationship. Plus, it really is more enjoyable to run errands and do the business of being us with Roscoe. We had time to talk and hold hands and make decisions together. I'll take that over running errands alone any day!

Whirlwind

Hello strangers. Last we spoke, I was giving online dating a shot. I went on a few dates, mostly duds. Well, all duds eventually. John Denver also turned out to be a disaster.

So I threw myself back into school and work and the single life I actually enjoyed.

And then I got a layoff notice.

And then I met someone.

And I spent the summer unemployed and falling in love (and doing some school work) and blogging was not high on my priority list.

And now? I'm getting married next month! And planning our wedding! And moving into our new apartment! Oh, and I'm working part-time and prepping for graduation next semester.

So, life is busy, but oh so wonderful. My fiancé, Roscoe Jones, is amazing and I can't wait to be his wife!

I'm going to try and use some of this month's NaBloPoMo and tell some of our story. Or talk about wedding plans. Or, on busy days, share some of my favorite quotes about love.

I am an incredibly blessed woman. Roscoe has definitely been worth the wait!

Player

In a fit of boredom, desperation, and curiosity, I joined a couple of online dating sites. One free, one paid. Both have slightly different concepts in how they go about matching people up, and I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Ho-boy.

Short version: I have three first and one second date this coming weekend AND another man I'm texting almost all day every day.

Did you count that? Four dates and five suitors? Who AM I?

Long version: I don't even know where to start. I sent out a handful of little nudges to a few guys I thought were attractive and received a few in return. Many of mine were ignored, and I ignored a few sent my way as well, but then a few turned into actual conversation. And then actual date invitations. I was headed out of town for work almost immediately, so I had to postpone all but one first meeting until after I got back.

I didn't even expect that first first date with The Pollock (he's really of Polish descent), to go as well as it did, but it did. Not only did the date itself go well, but we continued to text each other for the next two hours after we went our separate ways. Knowing we were both out of town and busy meant we didn't talk much over the next week or so, but once I had returned I, as promised, called him to schedule another date and he returned the call last night. Yes, I know I called first, but all other communication to this point had been initiated by him.

We talked on the phone for over 30 minutes, and I don't even like talking on the phone. I wanted him to get to the making plans for the weekend point sooner, but he didn't and that's okay. He called as soon as he could (work has been crazy and he's on total outside world lockdown when he's there, thank you top secret government work) and it was fun to hear from him. We should be seeing each other again this Saturday night.

Then there's The Wordsmith. We've been emailing and playing WordFeud (a smartphone version of Scrabble) and looking forward to our first dinner for a couple of weeks. He's made an effort to keep getting to know me while I've been away, and I'm impressed. Initially, I thought he was going to win over The Pollock, but now I don't know. I'll evaluate after our date on Friday.

I also have dates Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon. These guys don't get nicknames yet because I've hardly talked to them since arranging our plans and I don't anticipate them making the cut. I also had a date this last Monday evening. It was a fun activity (pub trivia), but the date itself fizzled. Oh well.

Oh! And there's the guy I was just starting to get to know and then ran into at a social event on a date with another girl! It was actually the girl I was talking to first because she came over to compliment my dress, then her date came back from wherever he was. "You look like this guy I've been talking to online." "What's his name?" "{Insert screen name here}" "[Laughs.] I thought you looked familiar too." And now his date and I are Facebook friends and I don't know if either of us have heard from him again. I certainly haven't.

I haven't even made an effort on these sites for almost two weeks, because I cannot keep this pace up! There are a couple guys I'm talking to and haven't made plans with yet, but after these other guys I'm actually meeting, the conversation already seems forced and I don't want to waste anyone's time.

And! Two guys whose radars I thought I'd fallen off months ago are starting to creep back into my life. I'm not anticipating anything actually happening there, but it's still more dudes to keep track of!

Part of this little experiment was definitely because I was striking out in my normal circle - the guys I meet through my Mormon circle. Too much drama, not enough dates.

Then suddenly last Thursday, I sent a flirty tweet to a single, Mormon guy I know solely on Twitter - because, well, why not? And, unlike the last time I tried flirting with him, he actually responded. We quickly moved the conversation to direct (private) messages and, by the end of the day, had exchanged phone numbers and moved the conversation to text messages.

And we haven't stopped.

For the first few days I was hesitant and thought to myself "Wow, dude, slow down. Don't force this.", but I'm starting to change my tune. We have a LOT in common and plenty to talk about. John Denver, as he shall be known, is clearly smitten with me and has actually said that - I'm not just inferring here. So, not only do we enjoy many of the same things, he's open and communicative about his feelings in general and his feelings for me specifically and often, something I've been saying for a long time will be a characteristic of my husband. After too many "does he or doesn't he" scenarios, I need someone I don't doubt really cares for me.

John Denver is many of the things I'm looking for, but I'm still hesitant. 1 - It's only been a week. 2 - I have, at least for now, a few other guys in the lineup (I cannot stress enough how much this has NEVER happened for me). 3 - I still don't know what he looks or sounds like. I know what he used to look like, but he's apparently lost a LOT of weight since then (which is good, because he was severely overweight, something I'm not attracted to) and has no recent pictures to share. What he sounds like is important too, for a variety of reasons. Maybe it's shallow, but physical attraction is important too.

Chances are very good right now that all these relationships will naturally play out and all but one will end soon enough that I don't even have to tell them I'm considering so many others. And chances are good that the things I'm worried about with John Denver specifically will be answered quickly.

Obviously, there's lots to evaluate about each of these men and they still have plenty to learn about me. It's just so flattering AND overwhelming that all of them have shown up at once. I hardly have time for one relationship, not to mention five!

I'm willing to give it a shot though, and I will certainly keep you all posted!

A Most Excellent Phone Call

Friends, the often seemingly impossible is actually, sometimes, possible.

A man (the one my family and all my dad's friends seem to think I've Met) has called me, not texted, and asked me on a date. He has a plan, a time, and used the word date to describe it.

Unfortunately, this was in a voicemail. Fortunately, I get to call him tomorrow and accept!

After one too many "Is this a date?"s, text-only contacts, and other varieties of the mixed message, this is a very nice change of pace. I realize it's just one date, a first date if you don't count our super fast dinner last month, and it's too early to get too excited, but dang it, I'm excited!

Difficult Weekend

While my entire immediate family, except me, gathered together with my brother, my brother's wife, and my brother's wife's entire immediately family for a Thanksgiving meal back in The Homeland, I sat with some friends I've known for less than six months. Well, two friends I've known for less than six months, one of their girlfriends who I just met last week, and some family of hers I still am unclear of her relation to (besides the one that is her mother). Yet another year as a Thanksgiving orphan.

While I'm incredibly grateful I didn't have to resort to ordering Chinese and eating alone, I really wanted to spend Thanksgiving with friends or family I've known for longer than that. Maybe next year I will.

Unfortunately, the rest of the weekend has spiraled downwards for me. I've spent time with other friends, relaxed, tried to be productive, attended the temple, and reflected on my blessings. It was a fairly typical weekend. Last night, however, just I was about to go to bed, I was hit with a sudden and intense loneliness worse than I've felt in quite some time. I missed my family, I missed having someone to hold/be held by, and I was angry at all the men who have taken me for granted, hurt me, and let me go.

Unsurprisingly, I didn't sleep very well. We all have our own brand of loneliness - mine comes from living thousands of miles from my parents and siblings and grandparents and the family dog, hundreds of miles from aunts and uncles - alone in my own apartment, which I love most of the time. I have friends, close friends for sure, but no default, always there needs me as much as I need them kind of friend. It's just me against the world right now and there's a lot on my plate that I'm trying to face on my own right now.

And it's hard.

It's so hard that when I reached into my fridge tonight for some vegetables, I got so overwhelmed that I had to close my refrigerator door, sit down on my dirty kitchen floor (dirty because I haven't had time to clean it and certainly no one else will be doing it), and just breathe on the verge of tears for a couple of minutes. It didn't last long, but it was a low moment.

Maybe it's the hormones combined with the holiday (yay menstruation!). Maybe it's just that I'm really stressed with my professional life right now. Maybe I'm just lonely.

Thank you for reading this far. Posts like this are what this blog is about after all - the secret thoughts of the frustratingly single. I'll get through this. I always do. In the meantime, I'm going to try and get some sleep. I just hope my subconscious wants to play nice tonight.

Is wearing a bikini immodest?

There are many studies and many discussions out there about the messages a person sends when they wear certain clothes. You have to be careful teaching people to dress a certain way (particularly modestly) because you don't want to lay all the blame on the dresser for the wayward thoughts someone else might have as a result. However! I do think that both parties have to responsible in their thoughts, actions, and dress. Here's an interesting video that's making the rounds on Facebook regarding some scientific evidence for why we should choose to dress modestly.

Bless The Telephone

I've been really digging this song lately.

I look forward to having someone to share it with.

It's not your news to share

I told my dad that I met someone. The guy with the exclamation point in his text? In this case, we really did just meet once and had a very fast dinner together a week later, his treat. That and some texting is it so far. My dad grabbed on to that story and ran with it so much so that at a recent family gathering almost everyone asked me: "So, I heard you met someone?" Even a stranger at the gym then my dad goes to and I was attending with him asked, "So I heard you met someone?"

Yes, friends and family, I met somebody. Just met him. That doesn't mean I'm going to marry him - doesn't even mean I'm going to date him. But, yes, in the true sense of the word, I have met someone. Whether or not I Met Someone is too early to tell.

When there is news of that nature, I fully expect my dad to shout it from the rooftops. However, one dinner and one meeting do not a relationship make and I don't know why my dad feels a need to share this with everyone. For all I know, it's going to show up in the family Christmas letter! I'm glad he's excited. No, really, I am. I'm excited too. I just don't know what it is yet and I certainly don't think it's worth telling strangers at the gym about.

How do you deal with an over excited parent? I think Roxie had the right idea - she allowed her mom to ask her once a month. I am ever closer to making that a requirement. I know my dad wants good things for me. I want them too. I'm glad that I can share things with my parents as they really are some of my best friends but that doesn't mean they need to share my news with everyone.

I also tire of these questions my dad has asked me lately:

Dad: Do you have any boy news you want to share?
Me: Noooo.

Dad: Have you reconnected with anyone?
Me: Are you asking if I've talked to [this guy I've met] since I got back from The Homeland?
Dad: . . . Yes.

Have you dealt with this situation? How have you found a compromise between over sharing and not sharing at all?

Some of my favorites on love

Mary Oliver

to live in this world, you must be able to do three things:

to love what is mortal:

to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it go,

to let it go.

Some Things Go Together by Charlotte Zolotow

Pigeons with park

Stars with dark

Sand with sea

and you with me.

... Hats with heads

Pillows with beds

Sky with blue

and me with you.

I Like You by Sandol Stoddard

I like you because

If you find two four-leaf clovers

You give me one

If I find four

I give you two

If we only find three

We keep on looking.

... I like you because if I am mad at you

Then you are mad at me too

It's awful when the other person isn't

They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could

just about punch them in the nose.

... I would go on choosing you

And you would

go on choosing me

Over and over again.

Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton

A penguin pleads his case to a bewildered hippo. (There is also a musical version, sung by Davy Jones from The Monkees.)

I like you a lot.

You're funny and kind.

So let me explain

What I have in mind.

I want to be your personal penguin.

I want to walk right by your side.

I want to be your personal penguin.

I want to travel with you far and wide.

Dory

No. No, you can't... STOP. Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... and I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. Please tame me! One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox.

Said the Shotgun to the Head by Saul Williams

Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation. Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again – the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world's greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman. With or without a belief in God, all kisses are metaphors decipherable by allocations of time, circumstance, and understanding

C.S. Lewis

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

My brother is a husband now

The wedding was marvelous. Wonderful. Beautiful. Just as it should have been. It made me so happy to see my brother so happy and I can't even begin to describe the feeling that exists in the sealing room of the temple (where we as worthy members of the LDS church hold weddings that will be bound on earth and in heaven forever) when you witness the creation of a new eternal family, especially one that is an extension of your own. Needless to say, I cried many tears of joy watching my punk brother and his lovely bride make covenants they intend to keep always. To get married in the right place at the right time to the right person is one of the most important things about this life and I knew that my brother and new sister-in-law were doing just that.

My fears about welcoming this new person into our family? Much tempered. She was nervous about meeting me too and even texted me the day before we met that she hoped I didn't think she sucked.

I certainly do not!

I fit right into the group at her bachelorette party and comfortable around her family as I met them throughout the next few days. When it was just us, we had no awkwardness and I really started to feel like she was my sister.

My brother didn't realize until it was almost too late that by marrying her, he was bringing another woman into the family where the women already outnumber the men, making the ratio now 2:1. Almost as soon as the four of us sat around a table alone for the first time (crafting for the reception, natch), we quickly started discussing things like cervical fluid and birth control. My brother had joined us, at the insistence of his now wife, just before the conversation went the direction and almost immediately regretted that decision.

Heh. Sorry, bro, but if you're about to be married and doing the things married people do, you're going to have to learn to deal with that topic. Though I will concede you probably don't want to know how your sisters collect their menstrual fluid.

Still, it was a conversation that gave me reason to look forward to more relaxed conversations in the future. Are we BFFs yet? No, but we're on our way. We're building a relationship of trust and love and I really do like her. I was even of more assistance during the wedding dinner than her own sisters, which I think was an important bonding moment.

She suits my brother well. Their commonalities, complimentary differences, patience, and love are evident, and I have faith in the lasting nature of their relationships. I'm very glad they found each other!

Welcome to the family, sister-in-law! May we all be as lucky in love as you are now!

Sister-In-Law

My brother gets married this week. My younger brother. My only brother.

Mostly, I'm so happy for him and excited to get to know this new sister he's bringing into our family.

However, there is some weirdness, which I think is mostly just getting used to the idea. You see, I've never met his future wife. I'll get to meet her a couple of days before the ceremony, but we won't have much time to really get to know each other because those days will be chock full of last-minute wedding prep and masses of other family and friends. I've met her via Skype and we've been Facebook friends for some time now, but that's hardly sufficient.

The rest of my family, on the other hand, has spent lots of time with her. Even my own blood sister, who I also haven't seen in almost two years, calls our new sister a BFF. I'm actually afraid that not being there from the beginning will hurt the rest of our relationship. I'm afraid that I'll always be this outsider and we'll never have the kind of relationship we ought to.

Of course, I'm likely paranoid. If she's as awesome as she seems from her Facebook and from reports from my brother and family, we're going to hit it off right away. And even if we don't? We have eternity to figure it out. My brother really, really loves her, so I'm going to welcome her into our family and just be excited to have a new sister!

I think the other weirdness stems from the fact that this is the first wedding in my immediate family. We've been just the five of us for nigh on thirty years, or a little more than 20 if you count when my sister joined us, and now we are six. Forever. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that this woman I've never met is going to be one of us for the rest of time and all eternity. Not only am I getting a sister-in-law, I am now someone else's sister-in-law!

And yes, there is a little bit of jealousy. Most of the time, as the oldest, it's my job to do things first. But not this. I promise, however, that jealousy is just a tiny part of it.

So, tell me, friends with siblings-in-law - how did you get through the weirdness of welcoming a new family member?

Blink and you might miss it!

I think I got my answer about the last guy this weekend. He deliberately came over to me at a party to say hello and give me a side hug, which was nice of him. Eventually, we started talking, and I asked how things (work and school, specifically) were going. We talked for several minutes and he mentioned that his schedule would be less stressful in the coming weeks. I suggested that if that was the case, it would be nice to spend some time with him again. He nodded and said "We'll see, we'll see." with a slight hint of a smile.

But then I blinked, someone else joined us, and before I even had time to realize it, he was across the room in another conversation.

Oookay then.

I'm not holding my breath with this guy.

On the other hand, when I suggested to a different young man, via text, that we get together again when I get back from traveling, he wrote back almost immediately, saying that would be fun! Exclamation point his!

So that's something. And something is always good.