Starting Again

Wow.  My last post was nearly a year ago; a lot has changed.  One of the reasons I didn't blog more here was the depression resulting from my job (which just got worse) and that sometimes I feel like I don't have much to say as an "older" single adult.  I just live my life.  Besides, who wants to hear from a single woman in a miserable job, driving an old car, and trying to learn new things? :)

Update:

I was laid off from that awful job a couple of months ago.  I feel like it was a direct answer to many anguished prayers.  I still don't know why it was the right thing to accept the job to begin with, and the right thing to deal with all the badness that came in the last half of my time there, but I am confident that it WAS the right thing, somehow, and that, even if I don't get the answers to my questions about it right away, I will eventually.  Or, if I don't get answers, I'll at least be blessed with understanding.  I didn't realize how depressed I was until after I met with HR about severance and 401k stuff and felt a lightness I hadn't felt in months.  I even stuck around my last few days and cheerfully cleaned my desk and finished or handed off some projects.  I even got emotional on my last day talking to a few excellent colleagues (could they be the reason I was supposed to work there, I wonder?) after they took me to lunch.

The first half of my time at that job was great.  I was treated as an equal and contributing member of a team with ideas and thoughts worth hearing.  I was respected and trusted.  If I was honest in my shortcomings, I was not made to feel stupid.  The last half...well, we've already discussed it and I don't really want to talk about it except to say that it took the first several weeks of unemployment for me to figure out that I had actually been depressed.  Not just sad or worried, but probably depressed enough that I should have sought help from a mental health professional.  The stupid thing is I should have seen it, having gone through some major depression (to the point of contemplating suicide--yikes) over a decade ago, but I didn't recognize it for what it was until after I'd been laid off.  I just figured things were weird and would get better.

(Incidentally, one of the weirdest things was that I was given no instruction or direction from my actual boss for how to handle closing my accounts and for taking care of my computer and other equipment.  I had to call several departments on my own to make sure I did things right.)

Since then I have said many prayers of thanks for getting me out of a really bad situation.  And, although the stress of not having a job has been wearing (there have been several weeks where I just let myself sleep until 11 AM and didn't really do anything until 1 PM), and I'm still working through some depression issues, it's been so nice to just be home.  I have been reminded that, if my single situation changes soon and I have the opportunity to stay home and raise children, I will be very happy to do so.  Very happy.  I have hope that I'll be able to do that.

I've been on several interviews since, but nothing has panned out.  My savings is getting low and I'm getting worried so I really hope I'll have something in the next three or four weeks because I don't know what I'll do if I don't.  Overall, however, being laid off, while stressful and sad at times, has been a blessing.  I look at it as God giving me a little bit of a break from work, and I figure as long as I'm doing my best, He'll tell me what to do next.

Grateful

I felt at the beginning of this year that some major changes were going to happen in my life.  Now, toward the end, and on a day of gratitude, I can look back and see what they are.  It's been a difficult year in many ways, but I'm grateful for what I've learned.  I'm grateful to be able to look around my neighborhood and see families gathered together in warm houses, the yellow lights in the windows reflecting the sunset.  I'm grateful that, although it has problems and should be replaced soon, my car has a good engine and brakes and is paid for.  I'm grateful I have my own tools.  I'm grateful that I can help my family, both financially and emotionally.  I'm grateful I can pay tithing and know that those funds aren't being abused.  I'm grateful for my soft heart and generous spirit--I cry over animals I've never met, and I always wish I could give more than I can.  I'm grateful for my family.  We don't always get along (my youngest sister isn't talking to my oldest brother right now, and it's hard) but I know that through the sealing power we can be together forever.

Most of all, though, I'm grateful for the constant reminders that my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and know who I am.  I don't always understand why They want me to do certain things, but I know there are good reasons and if I do those things, I will be blessed.  I'm grateful I can feel God's hand guiding me daily, and that I know Jesus Christ died to redeem me from my sins.

Life is good.

Improvement

I keep forgetting to blog, so I'm glad I have a reminder in my calendar for this little project.  I've been thinking about how hard it is for me to find something to talk about on here.  I want to avoid being overly whiny, because there are enough whiny singles blogs out there.  I want to avoid being overly prideful, because there are enough "look at me!" blogs out there.  So, between those two limits, I find myself thinking I don't have much to day.  In my real life, I'm not overly whiny or prideful--I don't complain about being single because, really, there's not much I can do about it (and don't suggest online dating, because I always feel like throwing up just thinking about it) besides keep doing what I'm doing and have faith that everything is happening the way it needs to.  I don't think I'm all that awesome; maybe I have a certain cool factor because I do what I like and buy myself pretty things and don't get all hung up on what people are thinking about me, but I got here after a very long journey through years of depression and self-doubt.

My life is work and family.  The last time I went on a date was when I went to lunch with Ken back in August, and I paid.  I get involved in hobbies and projects, and I flirt when I can, but mostly I try to make people comfortable and happy.  I don't go to work looking for dates (and would NEVER date anyone I've met at my new job--all the single guys are too short or too awkward), I don't go to a singles ward, and I avoid singles activities with all my might.  So I work, I occasionally go to lunch with some of the other women there, and I come home and hang out with my family, or I don't come home and instead work on outisde projects with fun people.  The goal of my social interaction is not to find a husband, but to do something challenging and meet like-minded people.  I'm sure there are people out there who would say I'm wrong to take my focus off husband-hunting, but it feels right to do things that make me happy.  I don't buy into "The Secret" and I refuse to compete with 20-year-olds, so I usually end up doing my own thing and enjoying myself.  In fact, I enjoy my time a lot more when I'm not constantly worried about whether or not someone approves of what I'm doing.  I think God approves, and that's enough for me.

Do I want to get married?  Heck yes I do!  But I'm not going to force anything or anyone.  I've prayed about this, and the answer I almost always get is "hang on, he's coming."  So I do my thing, find happiness in my family and friends, and try to be my best self.  When it's right, it'll happen.  Until then (and probably even after), I'll be looking for a tap dancing class to take.

It's just fine...

Things that I've decided are just fine:

Being annoyed at men my age for dating 20-year-olds

Having lots of pretty nail polish (including black)

Preferring amusing sheets instead of boring solid colors

Being annoyed at single women my age who have given up

Not wearing makeup every day

Watching cartoons

Wanting to have a bright pink bathroom

Liking lamps

Buying things just because they're pretty

Knowing a lot about my car

Being annoyed when I get a runny nose

Peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches

Leftover squash for breakfast...followed by dry cereal

Colored ceilings

Being mad about those 20 extra pounds even though everyone says I don't need to lose weight

Missing the family dog who died over 20 years ago

Not having a problem with Barbie
Having a problem with Bratz dolls

Knowing that my kids might be the same age as my friends' grandkids

Somehow being at peace with my life even though society tells me I shouldn't be

Not worrying too much about getting married.

Working together

Yesterday, Roscoe and I ran a LOT of errands together. Post office, clothing store, groceries, and some other things I'm surely forgetting. We also tried to set up the Internet in our new apartment together and after 90 minutes on the phone, mostly on hold, got a really late start on our errands and an appointment with a tech. We also worked out together and studied side by side.

Today, we worked with the tech to get the Internet up and running for real. We made dinner together and cleaned up together. We got our portion of the wedding invitations stuffed and hand-corrected a typo on all of them. We updated our wedding registry and finalized our wedsite.

Was it the most fun work? Not always. But was it fun to do it together? Absolutely. I don't think couples need to be joined at the hip all the time, but I do think they need to share burdens and work together. It has helped us grow and strengthened our relationship. Plus, it really is more enjoyable to run errands and do the business of being us with Roscoe. We had time to talk and hold hands and make decisions together. I'll take that over running errands alone any day!

Happy Non-anniversary!

Today would have been my anniversary. It's a strange mix of emotions looking back at the last few years: I'm happy I'm where I am, I'm sad for what could have been.

Most of all, I thank God almost every day that I didn't marry him.

A Most Excellent Phone Call

Friends, the often seemingly impossible is actually, sometimes, possible.

A man (the one my family and all my dad's friends seem to think I've Met) has called me, not texted, and asked me on a date. He has a plan, a time, and used the word date to describe it.

Unfortunately, this was in a voicemail. Fortunately, I get to call him tomorrow and accept!

After one too many "Is this a date?"s, text-only contacts, and other varieties of the mixed message, this is a very nice change of pace. I realize it's just one date, a first date if you don't count our super fast dinner last month, and it's too early to get too excited, but dang it, I'm excited!

Short

(I chose "short" as the title for this post because it's been a busy week and my internet is iffy at best lately. I think we have a bad router and hope we can replace it soon.)

The project I've referred to in most of my blogs this month has been stressful but fun. Part of the stress is that it's brought back a lot of memories of the breakup of my engagement a few years ago. Some of the memories are good, some are very sad, but I'm glad I have the good ones and that the bad ones are memories and not current events. Reminiscing with friends (and talking with new friends who ask) has, at times, been difficult, but it's been so good for me to be able to look back and see how far I've come. I know that it is only through the power of the Atonement of Christ that the breakup didn't completely crush me. I'm so grateful to be able to see that, and I hope I can be a strength to others.

I'm happy to be where I am (despite my job angst) and happy to be headed in the right direction.

Life is so good.

Heart

Recently, I've had the regular opportunity to be around some adorable children. They are so sweet--yes, they're little monsters, but they're SO sweet. It has been a delight to be around them. Tonight, one of them did something so cute I could barely contain myself. I turned to the woman next to me (who has children in a range of ages, the oldest just about married) and said "I want a baby RIGHT NOW!" She smiled and said, "they're awfully cute, aren't they? Are you trying to have kids?" I laughed and replied, "I'm not even married yet! Let me rephrase: I want a date, and then a second date, and then a boyfriend, and then a fiance, and then a husband, and THEN a baby. I have to do it all in the right order, you know!" She laughed too, and then touched my hand and said, "You have a wonderful mother heart. I can tell just watching you how loving you are. Don't ever lose that heart!"

I was sincerely touched. I told her I was doing my best to stay gentle and loving, even though it's hard to be kind to everyone some days. . . It is good to be reminded that it's ok to be kind, especially to children. It's ok to call them "sweetie" when I see them. It's ok to let my heart be soft around them. Sometimes I think we feel like we can't allow ourselves to love because we might not get what we want to love. Yes, it's hard to love without the surety that we get to keep the loved one, but life is so much better when we allow ourselves to love spontaneously and honestly. I love the kids I get to interact with--I think I'll let myself do that without being upset about the children I don't have yet.

First dance

Two years ago tonight we had our "first dance" as a married couple. We'd danced before, probably even to the same song. It felt like we were the only two people in the room.

But honestly, I think I'll like the dance we'll have tonight even more when we really will be the only two people in the room.

Last year we danced to our song in our living room on our anniversary as well, it's my new favorite tradition. Things just get more fun as we go.

Prayer and cramps

I have never been one of those people who has miraculously been healed of an illness; not really. I’ve prayed when I’ve been sick, and I’ve had relief either through medication or sleep, but I’ve never had the illness leave my body instantaneously. Don’t get me wrong! I have been healed in other ways—I’ve been strengthened beyond my capacity to endure emotional and mental burdens that would otherwise have crippled me, and I am profoundly grateful for that divine intervention. There are times I’m sure I wouldn’t be alive today had my prayers not been answered, but this little post isn’t about that kind of burden.

This post is about cramps.

I’m sure we’ve all had them at one time or another. I’m pretty lucky because mine are rarely very bad; mostly just uncomfortable and annoying. I can count on one hand the times when cramps literally had me down for the count, very suddenly and out of nowhere, over the last 20-odd years. Two of those instances, I had the luxury of finding out I couldn’t go to work before I got to work. This last one, I was already at work when it hit. Now listen, I rarely take sick days. The last time I took more than one sick day was last year when I had bronchitis and was coughing my guts out for three days. I might leave work early occasionally when I haven’t had enough sleep or need to see my doctor for something, but I usually tough it out pretty well. One day last week, I couldn’t. I could hardly move. By the time I’d been at work for half an hour, I was suddenly (it's never gradual in this case) in so much pain that I was nauseated, dizzy, shaky, and very pale when I gave up on Advil and looking up pressure points online and limped down the hall to throw up in the bathroom.

I’d been chatting online with my sister and had told her I was shaking and light-headed. She’d responded by reminding me I could take more painkillers and that she’d bring me some if I didn’t have any. I thanked her and told my coworkers I’d be back in a few minutes. I don’t know how long I was gone, but it was more than a few minutes. I remember facing the toilet in that public bathroom, praying that the pain would go away somehow so that I could stay at work and function normally. I kept praying as my body decided to keep my breakfast inside. I kept praying as I washed my hands and saw how pale and shaky I really was. I prayed more as I limped back to my office. I prayed as I saw that my sister had signed off. I kept praying that the pain would recede enough that I could think.

About 20 minutes after I got back to my desk, my sister came into my office with some painkillers and one of those ThermaCare patches for cramps (a GODSEND). She asked how many Advil I’d taken and how long it had been (3, an hour earlier, which should have kicked in but hadn’t made a dent) and suggested I take a fourth immediately and another one if the 4 didn’t take in the next 45 minutes. She told me to put the heat pack on as soon as possible and to keep her posted if it didn’t work, and then she was off to her own job.

I followed her instructions, choking down another pill before limping to the bathroom to put on the heat pack. I huddled over my desk, praying still, and felt that if I could, I should find a place to sleep for even 20 minutes. I talked to my coworker and told her I wasn’t feeling well (she wasn’t surprised, based on how I looked) and needed to lie down for a while but would be back before her meeting in 45 minutes. One of the bathrooms in the building has one of those anterooms with a padded bench, a shelf, a mirror, and a light you can turn off. I made my way there, set my phone to wake me up in 40 minutes, curled up on the bench, and tried to sleep. I never went into a full-blown sleep, but I dozed enough that my body was able to calm down and restore itself so I felt much better by the time my alarm went off. I checked my color in the bathroom mirror, realizing I was much less shaky and that the pain, although still in the background, no longer made me nauseated and dizzy.

I was able to get through the rest of my work day with only a little illness, and thanked my sister again when we met for lunch, which was cottage cheese (lots of protein, which I needed) and French fries we split (carbs, which I also needed). She said it was funny because at the time I told her I was shaking and dizzy from the pain, she had gotten distracted by something and was still online. Normally she wouldn’t have been in her office on the computer just then, but something made her stay. I had prayed for relief, and she had been able to see my need and provide help. If she hadn’t been there when she was, I don’t know if I’d have been able to drive myself home—I’m not a wimp, but I really don’t know if I would have made it all the way home, let alone out of the parking lot—and I know that I wouldn’t have been able to stay at work.

She was in the right place at the right time; angels didn’t come down from Heaven to take away that awful pain (I really feel for those of you with endometriosis!), but the pain was taken away because my sister was paying attention. Was my prayer heard? You bet it was! Was it answered? Definitely. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who takes care of me and for a sister who follows promptings.

Delight

Remember last time how someone mentioned I was a "young 36" and I thought part of it is that I'm still curious and sometimes silly?

Tonight, I watched "This Old House" with my family and was absolutely delighted at the tools and techniques and innovation they show every episode. I loved hearing them describe how different tools do different jobs. I enjoyed watching them demonstrate an innovative techniqe. I was fascinated by how things were put together. I wanted to learn more about some specific tools and materials!

Tonight, I put sparkly nail polish on my fingernails and am so delighted by it that I keep getting distracted while I type because it's so pretty.

This morning, I was so delighted by a small boy's running and playing that I clapped my hands and grinned like crazy.

This afternoon, I went to my church to check for some equipment I need for my lesson tomorrow, and was delighted to find the library had exactly what I was looking for.

This morning, I met a sweet cocker spaniel/blue heeler cross who licked my hand and I laughed with delight while I stroked her soft ears and watched her walk around the room.

There is SO MUCH in this world that is delightful!

Young

I met someone the other night who knows my dad through work. When I told her hi from him, she said, "oh, he's a dear! I'll tell him I met you when I see him again!" (In order to keep this as anonymous as it is, I'm trying not to be a name-dropper. Sorry about the vagueness.) I felt inspired by this woman and refreshed on my journey to other employment/education.

Yesterday, on IM, my dad said he'd seen this acquaintance and she'd asked a little more about me. He told her my age and some other things, and her comment, which he passed on to me, was that I was a young 36. I laughingly responded that I'm a "young 36" because I haven't lost my curiosity or ability to be silly, but I really think that's one of the reasons people don't think I'm my age. What's the point of growing up if you're going to get stodgy or so focused on one thing that you're boring? If I feel like skipping down the hall, I'll skip down the hall, darn it! You can't stop me. I guarantee I'm more attractive and fun to be around that some 36-year-old who isn't willing to be silly or who isn't interested in the wonderful world around her. I haven't had a date in a few weeks, but that really has nothing to do with this kind of attractiveness. Children like to talk to me, the elderly seem to LOVE me, and people in general seem to find me easy to be around.

If wearing polka dot socks with my red shoes is the reason, I'll keep doing it, laughing to myself all the way.

Oh yes. That will work.

Don't get me wrong--I love my ward. I love being in a family ward. I love the diversity of experience and age and education.

However.

I don't really love the well-meaning but slightly stupid things people say sometimes. There are many people who say well-meaning and non-stupid things, but the few who say things that are actually stupid are the ones who drive me batty. Yesterday one of them metaphorically cornered me after church. She and her husband are parents of several boys of varied ages. The older ones aren't married yet and they're getting worried, so she told me of her husband's solution: get all the single people together, line them up facing each other, arrange them by height and age, and then just pair them off.

Yes.

While my brain was thinking "good heavens!" my face was friendly and amused and I laughed as I engaged in that particular conversation. I admit I HAVE had moments when I appreciate the idea of arranged marriages, but know that it's no way to "solve the singles problem". Just marrying someone the same age and taller than me won't mean I'll be happy or that it's right. I know a lot of tall guys around my age, and there is at least one you couldn't PAY me to marry. This is the 21st Century! I am not considered property and I am NOT a problem to be solved. I suppose some people still don't see that a single person can be pretty darn happy with her life as it is.

Still, I can't help smiling because she seemed so concerned for my welfare. Bless her for that!

Communication isn't dead

As someone who has had a very long string of dates/encounters/not quite relationships that failed due to a complete lack of communication and a dearth of honesty, I am really enjoying how well my new guy and I communicate.

(Sidenote: He needs a nickname. I'll work on that.)

I really appreciate how open he is about how he's feeling about his past, his present, and, most especially, us, and that I can do the same. We had a really great discussion last night about how neither of us are dating anyone else and we don't want this to end anytime soon, but he's not ready to ask me to be his girlfriend just yet. He only got out of his last long-term relationship a week before asking me out, and it had ended so badly that he just wants to take his time this go-round. In fact, he brought the topic up, all of his own accord. This isn't the first time we've had an open discussion about us, and I'm just so thrilled that we already having such good talks about our relationship. As you know, I hate playing the guessing game and it's discussions like last night's that remind me I really don't have anything to worry about right now.

Sure, sometimes he teases me mercilessly and doesn't always tack on something shmoopy when saying hello in the morning, but then we have quiet and honest conversations about where we're headed and he hugs me so completely that I know we're okay.

In this age of texting, Facebook, and all manner of instant gratification, it's wonderful to find out that it hasn't completely killed heartfelt communication (though I do recommend Single Blonde in the City's thoughtful post on the matter). I had wondered, before this relationship started blooming, if I was ever going to have long conversations late into the night filled with both laughter and tears and really connect with someone again. The last time I was in a truly serious relationship, Facebook was still brand new and only open to certain universities and texting hadn't quite taken off the way it has now.

But we do talk, openly, and it is fantastic. I know him well enough and am comfortable enough in this relationship to know that the fact he wasn't talking much at dinner last night was because we were in a loud sports bar with over 50 televisions. It was no reflection on me at all, even though he teased that maybe he brought me there because he was tired of hearing me talk. However, I can tell the difference between his teasing voice and his honest voice and this was definitely the former, especially since it was coupled with his mischievous grin.

Silly boy.

There really is something different about this one, and I'm loving it.

So Sweet

He apologized the other night for not holding my hand. We were out walking in my neighborhood and it was hot out and about a half-mile in he suddenly says, "Hey. Sorry I'm not holding your hand right now. I get sweaty palms and don't really dig holding hands outside when it's like this."

"Oh. Well, I wasn't worried. I mean, I'd thought about it, but I wasn't stressing or anything."

"Ok good. I'm glad."

And then this afternoon, he apologized for not texting me yet. It wasn't that he wasn't thinking about me, just that some other stuff has been on his mind today and sometimes that makes him a little anti-social.

+10 for thoughtfulness

7 facts about Roxie

Jinxie shared seven things about her. It's always fun to get to know others. So here's mine. (this is weird doing it from an anonymous point of view)

1. I am not afraid of public speaking and I have a real hard time understanding how someone else could be. I get a real thrill out of being in front of people like that.

2. When I'm procrastinating work and study projects, my house gets real clean. The end of the semester is always a big cleaning time for me because I'd rather clean than write or grade papers. It makes me feel productive in my procrastination.

3. While I do enjoy a good foot massage, the idea of someone else trimming my toe nails fills me with a sense of dread. A pedicure would not be a treat for me. I blame this on years of ingrown toe nails while I was growing up. I haven't had one in almost ten years now because I started trimming my toe nails differently. I'm not about to let someone else mess that up for me.

4. My favorite pets are wild birds. I filled the bird feeder this afternoon and then laughed as first one, then two, then ten plus birds all started hopping around the tree to see who's turn it was at the bird feeder next. If I don't get food out there for them though, they won't die. They're smart like that.

5. I had the makings of a hoarder growing up. Getting rid of anything was extremely difficult for me. Before leaving on my mission I started cleaning out my stuff and I found I could make three piles, things I definitely wanted, things I could definitely get rid of, and things I should get rid of but couldn't. I gave that last pile to my mom and told her to take what she wanted and get rid of the rest, but at least it wasn't me getting rid of it. It's still hard for me sometimes, but I am getting better at it.

6. I'm 5'6". I've gained a net of ten pounds since I got married. I have blue eyes, brown hair, ten fingers, and ten toes.

7. Seven is my favorite number.

7 Things - AH AH AH!

The lovely Natalie tagged us with a 7 Facts challenge! Thanks, chica! So, without further ado, here goes!

The Rules:

1. Copy the 7 Facts picture (above - the one with the sunflowers) and paste it in your blog.

2. Thank the person who tagged you. Share the bloggy love and link back to their blog.

3. Share 7 Facts about yourself. (I guess that's where the title comes from?)

4. Pass the love to 15 other bloggers.

1. I LOVE vegetables. No, really, I do! Green beans, asparagus, carrots, broccoli, and so on. I didn't love them as a kid, because what kid does? Sadly, I realize it was probably because of the way my parents prepared them. We often had the freezer bags of mixed veggies microwaved to death with whatever else we were eating. Now, I'll still do that occasionally, but I don't cook them to death and I'll usually add some herbs or something to flavor it up. I find that I prefer fresh or steamed veggies and I wonder why Mom prepped the frozen stuff so much.

2. I'm a wannabe-Francophile. I only know enough French to have gotten me through a four day trip to Paris a few years ago, but I still pretend like I know how to pronounce the French words I come across on a more daily basis like "patissierie." I listen to a surprising amount of French music and own a few French films. One of these days, I'll actually learn it for real. It's also possible I learned a lot of the French I do know from this video.

3. I have no idea how to properly care for my nails. I try, and they aren't super scary, but they could be a lot nicer.

4. I have a HUGE eyeshadow collection, but am I wearing any today? That's a negative, Ghost Rider. (Actually, I wrote this part yesterday. I'm wearing some today, March 2nd, because I sort of have a date tonight. Sort of? It's planned, paired of, and paid for. It's a date, dagnabit!)

5. I rather enjoy making faces at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I even wink at myself, because dang I look fine. Recently, I was watching something with some friends and the character on screen blew a kiss to her mirror self. The guys all said "a-HA, so that's what you girls do!" The girls responded, "No way! That's stupid." I stayed silent on the matter.

6. I think Waka Flocka Flame is a better name for a Muppet than a rapper, but, oddly enough, I also think he's kind of cute, especially when he pulls his hair back.

7. I know we try to keep ourselves anonymous around here, but if you watch the Richard Dutcher LDS-themed film Brigham City - you will see me. That's all that I'm going about that.

So, I'm going to break the rules and not really tag anyone, except my fabulous costars Trixie and Roxie!

First date of 2011!

I had a date. Hooray!

It was a good date too. We're fortunate to live in a city with lots of options, way better than the traditional dinner and a movie, and we took advantage of one of them.

We spent mid-day downtown playing tourist at a local museum. It involved lots of walking, talking, and even some educational problem solving. We were both famished afterward and there were several dining options near us, but he offered to make lunch back at his place and I happily took him up on it. Tasty! He even told me about mealtime traditions in a country he recently spent time in which we then recreated and extended our lunch a bit. It was really nice getting to know each other and just having a good, relaxed time. I'd definitely like to see him again.

Now, my general rule is that if I ask a guy out for our first date, then the ball is in his court. I've made my indicators of interest, so it's his turn. In this case, I'll be seeing him around and will keep flirting and getting to know him, and we'll see what happens.

Either way, it was a date! It's a good way to start the year!

Wrapping Up?

Well, I'm the last one to post for NaBloPoMo, so I suppose it's up to me to wrap up. Or not. Sometimes I'm contrary. :)

One of the things I've noticed about participating in NaBloPoMo, and this blog in general, is that I often don't feel as though I have anything relevant to say. But what am I expected to say? What is relevant to being single that isn't also relevant to being married? I worry about dying alone, but doesn't everyone? As far as I can see, the only appreciable difference between a single person and a married person is relationship status. We both worry about family, money, housing, cars, jobs, church callings, the world around us. I don't have my own children, but I worry about and love my nieces and nephews, my cousins' and friends' children, and the children in my ward. I am one of four "breadwinners" in my household and worry about bills, who will pay what, and what's going to be overdue if we pay another bill on time. I have to clean, I have to put gas in my car, I have to take care of my clothes and health (and, often, the health of those around me), I have to shop and organize finances.

Just because I'm single doesn't mean I have no idea what others go through. I have an idea; whether or not I've gone through that experience has no bearing on how I feel about it or how I can help, right? That's obviously a broad statement that doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel like I am valuable and, because I can't exactly relate, can often offer help or perspective that people who CAN relate don't necessarily have because they're too close to what's happening.

Maybe I AM different. I decided years ago to not turn into one of those "no one understands poor little me" people. It has proven a blessing, even though it is occasionally a struggle to remember to not be one of those people. I credit my change in attitude, and a LOT of faith, with my overall happiness about my life. My life is far from ideal, but I realized the other day, as I was going to bed, that if this is as good as my life will be, it's a pretty great life. I don't have a lot of money, I don't have the best job, I'm in a couple of weird situations, but I have a pretty great life.

Funny how perspective changes things. Thanks for reading us in November. Happy December!