Friday, May 6, 2011

Nailbiter

The very beginning of relationship is so much fun, right? The giggling when he does something so sweet, the anticipation of that first kiss (or even the 27th, because it's still so new), wondering what he has planned for your next date. The butterflies. The new sparks. That first time you hold hands.

Except I kind of hate it.

In the midst of all that new and exciting cuteness, there's the insecurity that comes from none of your last several guys making it past a month for often indiscernible reasons, so why should this time be any different? There's the fact that you're still learning to communicate with each other, and you're not quite sure when he's teasing or being serious or what his love language is and neither is he about you.

Today, for example, we sent text messages back and forth for a few hours and instead of focusing on the the facts that he called me "hun" twice in one text last night, then sent me a text relatively soon after waking today, and our texts today ranged from intellectual to flirty and remained constant until he got to work, my brain keeps pointing out that he hasn't called me by any term of endearment yet today, nor have we set up any plans for tomorrow when we're both finally free, and that I had to initiate our conversation after work last night.

Why, brain? Why?

I would much rather be in that comfortable middle ground, where you're definitely in a relationship and while there are still risks and potential exits, it's more secure. You know each other better, can read each other's moods, and are cementing stronger communication patterns to work out the little kinks or even the not so little ones.

Yes, the beginning of something new can be crazy awesome. I happen to love that we text each other good night and good morning and talk everyday, even if we don't see each other more than two or three times a week yet. Considering the circumstances of his last relationship and how it ended, I'm pretty sure he's not a runner. I just have to remember to take a breath. We're taking things slow and talking LOTS, so we're good. We have to go through this insecure part to get to the comfortable middle anyway.

Am I crazy? Have you experienced the same thing? Should I just ask if he still wants to go out tomorrow and stop worrying about it?

4 comments:

Single Blonde in the City said...

Oh my gosh, I'm totally with you on both loving and hating this early stage in a relationship. The past few guys I have dated haven't even made it this far, so it's been awhile since I've had to deal with it. The butterfly, giddy feelings are great. But the uncertainty and second guessing everything is so hard! Just keep being a good communicator, and if that means having to explicitly guide him in the right direction, then do it. If he can't handle it, he isnt the one for you. Or you could teach him the hard way. If he hasn't firmed up plans by now, make new ones with friends. If he's really bummed to not see you, he won't wait that late again.

Roxie said...

Is it okay if I laugh at you right now? How about if I just smile?

I hate that part too. I hate wondering how long I have to wait before I can initiate something again or if I've initiated too many times in a row and I'm coming across as desperate.

If it makes you feel any better I'm sitting here totally relieved that he'll get me something for mother's day before I get him something for father's day so that I can see what level of things we're going with this year. Last year it was a computer book for me and an audio book for him.

Laura@livingabigstory said...

Oh you've brought back so many memories with this post -- and I especially loved the "Why, brain why?" I overthought constantly (and still do, for that matter, on other things).

Good luck ... in the end, it's worth it.

Jinxie said...

We did end up seeing each other Saturday night, later than I was thinking, but that's okay. And we're totally fine. I'm just paranoid. :) Thank you, friends, for helping now I'm not the only one.

Roxie - Smiling is okay. Laughing? Maybe not. :)