Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Date-ready home

According to an article I read on Glamour magazine's website, if I'm going to invite a date into my home, I have to turn into a neurotic, OCD mess with no personality.

I'll recreate the list here, with my commentary:

1. Dust the high places.
Okay, that's fair. Dusting is good.

2. Bake or cook something.

Maybe, but only if it's something you do anyway. As you may remember, Cher from "Clueless"
totally burned whatever it was she was trying to bake. Does your house have to smell of
chocolate chip cookies? No. Clean? Yes.

3. Edit your house for telling items.
Mousetraps, financial statements, self-help books (especially those about dating and marriage—I have a ton because of this blog), and medicine like Imodium…need to go!

This is where the neurotic starts to set in. I'm not about to go through my bookcase and hide the things I don't want him to know I've read, even the copy of "The Fat Girl's Guide to Life" that's on my nightstand right now. In fact, I saw someone checking out my nightstand reading stack (p.s. I live in an efficiency, everyone who crosses my threshold enters my bedroom) the other night. They would have also spied my journal, a book by Spencer W. Kimball, and a book about World War II. Judge me for all that, I dare you.

4. Maintain some order.

This, I agree with.

5. Remove the "funny" magnets.

Currently, my fridge door has a handwritten note to myself that says, “Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.” That’s fine, but considering I never read it, why risk looking like I have issues with food? I also have a chart for pairing wine (wino?), and a magnet that poses the question, “Was he worth shaving her legs for?” Wow. That cannot be good. And another one that says, “Girls are better than boys.” Wait a sec. Maybe I do have some kind of issue. And I almost bought Erica this funny magnet set of grown men crying. Probably should hold off on that.

We all want someone who shares our sense of humor, right? Worrying too much about what he's thinking about what's on your fridge or around your bathroom mirror is just too much work.

6. De-clutter with fewer girly items.
If you own multiple candles, picture frames, throw pillows, stuffed animals, live cats, knick-knacks, or tchotchkes, minimize! He doesn’t want to feel like he’s visiting Grandma.

All these things around my house? They have stories. Even the ugly purple fairy and that non-descript rock. Ask me about it, and I'll tell you. For example - that stuffed dog? From a teenaged friend who was sad that I couldn't have a real dog in my apartment right now. My house does not look like Grandma's attic. It looks like me.

7. Sexile your roommate.

Well, fortunately, that is one perk to not having sex. No one has to worry about certain sounds wafting between the walls. I don't have roommates now, but when I did, we were all smart enough to leave the common areas if it was clear that our male guest might want to not just sit on the couch. But the rule of not making your roommate uncomfortable or banishing them forever definitely stands.

8. Create flattering lighting.

I’m sure you don’t have laboratory-like bulbs in your home, but check for bad overhead lighting and any shadows that could make you look like the two-face on Seinfeld.

OCD, much?

Extra points for:
9. Freezing some glasses and stocking the fridge with beer (and hello, food!).
10. Knowing how to control the temperature on your thermostat.
11. Possessing knowledge of the best restaurants that deliver in your 10-block radius.
12. Putting together a date playlist on your iPod. (Click here and here for music to make out to.)
13. Arranging fresh flowers (particularly if his mom is Martha Stewart or a Steel Magnolia).

9. Yes. Well stocked fridge? Good idea. His favorite drink? Only if he told you that, and you didn't get it from Facebook.
10. That's probably a good idea.
11. You should do that anyway, but for you.
12. I have one. But I've never used it. "Oh I'm sorry, I see that you want to kiss me, but first I must put on my 'Snog Songs'" Ruins the mood. And perhaps the song. (Phil Collins' "You'll Be In My Heart", I'm looking at you.)
13. So, we don't want to remind him of his grandmother, but we do want to remind him of his mother? Incidentally, I do have fresh flowers right now, and Junior saw them last night was actually proud of me for buying myself flowers. But this currently only happens a couple times a year, nothing to stress about unnecessarily.

Honestly, just make sure your house is clean and presentable, and it will be fine. Junior didn't even care that my sink was full of dishes the first time he came over, just that he really liked that my house is a nice, little home.

Just how I like it.


Jennifer said...

I have always felt that if you have to be someone you aren't, to get a man's attention / approval, what's the point? So I twist myself into pretzels to please him, and then what? Spend the rest of my life living as a person I'm not? No thanks. If a woman has to eliminate her personality from her house to impress the guy she's invited over, then she needs to find a new guy to invite over. So not worth it.