Today a sister gave me back a book I'd loaned her. It's a book I've loaned out several times because it changed my perspective on things so much. It's called, "Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem: Twelve Keys to Finding Peace" by Ester Rasband. I think everyone should read it.
After she gave it to me I was flipping through it I came across the section, in the chapter about identifying the needs of your heart, about people who live a checklist life.
I have a lot of checklists. They help me remember to do all the little things. So this section caught my eye. And as I reread it, my eyes became wet. This was the section I needed to read today.
The type of checklist talked about in the book is the one that leads us to say "I've done x, y, and z, now the Lord owes me the blessing I want." Which is something I recognized in me. There have been times, and now is one of them, when my prayer is something along the lines of, "I've done everything that is in my power, now it's your turn Lord."
We do need to do everything that is in our power, this is true. But that isn't the way to think about it, like a checklist. My prayers and thoughts should instead be "Thy will be done" or at the very least "help me accept Thy will."
When I was single I did everything I could think of. I was faithful in attending my church meetings. I expanded my talents to make sure I kept growing. I put myself out there in different ways so that it would be possible to meet people even if I would've rather just stayed home. But doing all of that won't bring peace if I'm then going to the Lord and basically saying, "What's wrong with you that everything I've done isn't enough?" Pride is never peace.
Things with that aspect of my life worked out better than I could've imagined. And I need to let that experience of putting that aspect of my life in God's hands to put my life back in His hands.
Desires for marriage and children are righteous desires. We should do all we can along those lives. But then we also need to remember not to hold it against God when he knows what is best for us better than we do. The natural man is prideful and putting him off is not easy. But it is the only way to have peace. And I could definitely use more peace in my life right now. I don't know that I'm strong enough yet to say "Thy will be done" but I can at least change my prayers to ask for help in accepting His will.