Delete

There are some things I like to be able to feel with my hands. I like to read paper books. I like to hand write my journal. It seems more real to me that way. There's something about holding it in your hand and knowing that one click of a mouse or a push of a button won't make it all go away.

However, sometimes, making all things go away that easy is rather nice.

It was about the time I was getting ready to serve a mission that I was going through my stuff from high school. I found several things associated with the guy I'd had a crush on back then. He wasn't good for me then. And he hadn't really gotten any better, although I hadn't really seen him since high school. I remember throwing that stuff away with a fulfilling finality to that part of my life.

After my mission I found the stuff from the guy I'd dated my freshman year of college. He didn't take it too well when I dumped him just before Christmas (I should tell that story some time). But it was satisfying to finally throw that stuff away too.

As I've been unpacking and arranging stuff lately (I unpack very slowly, it's not a fun thing to do), I've occasionally come across a note or card from a specific ex. Interestingly, I've mentioned him several times on this blog, but never given him a name. And I don't think I ever will. We had our good moments. That's where a lot, but not all, of the notes come from. But the bad moments have haunted me. So as I've been finding things associated with him in different places, it's been with a wonderful bit of finality to throw them away.

This week I was cleaning up the files on my computer and I found some documents, messages, and photos that were related to this guy. I paused for just a moment before doing what I should've done a long time ago.

I pushed delete.

And it felt so good.

It felt good to be at the point in my life where I could let it all go. It's gone. I don't need it back. I don't need it to remind me. I don't need those ties to the past to hold me there. I'm living in the now and I'm living for the future. The past happened. There are days when I wish it wouldn't have. But it did. But that doesn't mean I have to keep it. I can push delete. It feels good to unclutter my emotions and memories like that. A little cleaning can be a good thing.

Delete.