Wednesday, March 24, 2010

There's no place like home

So, I'm job hunting. So are a lot of people. Fortunately, I'm doing it because I want to, not because I have to, so I'm not very stressed about it and I can afford to be picky.

Another perk of job hunting at this point in my life is the ability to go anywhere I choose. I don't have to run locations by anyone else and hope that they can also find a job in that area, or follow someone else to a location and hope that I can find a job there. While my career is in a very general field and I probably could find at least something just about anywhere, my specialty in that field requires a little more focus and I'd like to work in that specialty as long as I can. Not having anyone else to factor into any decisions I make, yet, helps for now.

Of course, not having someONE to factor into my job hunt does mean I, on some level, have to factor in EVERYone. If I move to a big city, there should be a larger dating pool, a small city, a small dating pool. My other fear is the generalizations one can infer about city boys versus country boys. I know which one I'm drawn to more, and I may not find it if I move to city with a limited selection. On the other hand, being fresh meat in a smaller dating pool with a lower rate of turnover might help me get noticed more, so that's a good thing.

With so many factors to consider, I'm not really considering them at all. I think about it, but I'm not stressing about it. I know I can move just about anywhere and be fine. Moving from The Homeland to Where I Am Now (somewhere I'd never even been before) was a big, scary deal, but not only did I survive it, I blossomed and have really come into my own here.

Consequently, the one place I really don't want to move to is The Homeland. My family would be thrilled if I did, of course. I know this because many of our conversations go like this:

Parents: How's the job hunt?

Me: Good. I applied at ___ and ____ yesterday.

Parents: Did you hear about (semi-related job) at (place in The Homeland)?

I have actually applied for a job there, and there is probably going to be an opening a few months that I'll seriously consider if something else hasn't come up first.

Still, moving to The Homeland scares me more than to yet another place I've never even visited before.

You see, when I left The Homeland, it was at the end of a very, very rough year for me. I was not where I should have been spiritually, emotionally, or socially. Getting my miracle job in a completely new place was what finally woke me up and got me out of that rut. I'm afraid that if I move back, I will somehow slip back into all that. I'll find myself associating with the same people (because even some of the worst offenders are still part of my life, at least peripherally), living under the shadows of others, and otherwise falling into old habits and badness, negating everything that has happened since. Luckily, knowing that I am afraid, knowing why, and knowing that I'm a much stronger person than I used to be will probably mean that I'd be just fine.

In complete contrast to my feelings, one of my roommates from that year is not only moving back to the same neighborhood, but is actually buying the exact same house we lived in, this time with her boyfriend. Now, she lived there a lot longer than I did, and it was also where her own life was changed in many ways, good and bad. As afraid as I am to move back, she's probably just as excited, if not more so. I really hope it's the home and experience this go round that she's expecting it to be, and if she and her boyfriend have grown up as much as they reportedly have, it likely will.

I have faith that I will find a better job, that I will make any future dwelling place a true home and not just a place to sleep (like my current home is now), and that these things will happen wherever God wants me to be.

Even if it is The Homeland.


Roxie said...

I'm one who feels you can't really ever go back. You can be in the same physical location as before, but everything changes, both the place and you, so it's never the same again.

I also think there are so many places in the world to live, why would I want to live in the same place twice?

You'll find what works for you.