Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Someone just wrote a guest blog that I really enjoyed. I like reading about the experiences of other women being single in this world. I like feeling like I belong, that someone else understands what it's like to be single (and happy!) in a family-oriented church. I like reading about brave people who have gone through some bad times and come out better on the other end. I'm glad people blog about it all.

I know I could contribute to other blogs. I've been through some stuff. I've had some experiences. I've grown a lot. I've changed into a better person.

But I don't want to talk about it anymore. I talked about my broken engagement and some of the circumstances around that over the weekend. It exhausts me to talk about it because it brings back so much of the emotion and trauma of the whole thing. Just when I think I'm done and finally ready to stop being sad or angry about it, it comes back. It's so much better than it used to be--I guess I'm at 90%--but that last 10% comes roaring into my brain sometimes and I hate it. I'm tired of talking about it because I'm tired of it still bothering me, but I talk about it because it still bothers me and then I get tired. It's kind of a vicious cycle, isn't it?

Would someone else benefit from my experience? Probably. I think other people already have, which might be one of the reasons I went through it. I know it's therapeutic to talk and get stuff out of my system, but I feel like I've been doing it too long and it just needs to stop so I don't bother other people. And, honestly, there is a lot I can't say because I want to keep the trust he placed in me, even if he may not have done the same thing. I don't know. I haven't talked to him in almost three years and have no desire to start any time soon.

Maybe it's just been a rough month, but it really hasn't. It's been a good month, work weirdness aside, so why am I having angst about this again? All part of the process, right? I have a good life, I have good friends, I have a GREAT family, I have a lot going for me, and things are going really well. I think that's pretty cool, and I should focus on those things instead of someone else's bad decisions.