Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it. That's what they tell you to do when you have no idea what you're doing. Just pretend you do and either you'll eventually figure it out or people will believe you actually know what you're doing. Oddly, it's more the second than the first, which honestly can be kind of scary some times.

But such is not good advice in all situations. Like the medical profession. You wouldn't want a doctor faking it on your surgery.

There are other times when faking it really isn't a good idea either. Relationships. You don't really want to fake it with relationships.

Now, that doesn't mean being brutally honest with a bad first date. But also don't lead them on unnecessarily. Especially when things start getting serious.

Specifically, let's talk about the physical stuff.

Last night on the NBC show, "Parenthood" they had a side plot about faking good sex. Apparently women who "fake it" are trying to get across the idea that, "I don't want you to feel that I don't appreciate the effort," and "Thank you so much for trying. Please come again soon."

Now, not everyone is a good kisser (we're going to talk about kissing because we believe in being chaste, so no sex before marriage, but this applies to married people too), but "faking it" won't make the situation better. Because while that that might be what a woman thinks she's saying when she "fakes it," the message the man is most likely getting is "I really like what you're doing, please keep doing that." But that won't solve the problem at all. It will just lead to more bad kissing and more faking it.

Instead, we need to make sure the message we are sharing is the message we want to share. So if that means not "faking it" then don't. In the moment might not be such a good time to say "I don't like it when you do that." Maybe instead, just don't respond with anything. Respond only to the things you really like. Whether that's with words or not doesn't matter.

Nobody gets anything right the first time. But faking that they did will only improve the bad. Taking the time to work out the good stuff together is definitely worth it. A kiss should make you feel fluttery. And you can't fake fluttery.


TRS said...

Faking is definately a bad idea.

Although, I might defer that in a marriage, after YEARS of relations-type activity, there may be times when it's just not gonna happen and it's not even because anybody is doing anything wrong. So if there's an occassional "Yippee!" for something that didn't hit the mark - well that may just have to be. No harm in that. Until it happens say... three times. Then it's time to revisit the playbook. But I don't know cuz I'm not married.

You also remind me... that McTwitchy pointedly asked me to tell him if there's anything he should or shouldn't do... or change. And we're only referring to kissing! I thought that was sweet and enlightened of him. (a communicator, he is!)
I made a point that there is no request for changes at this moment, cuz everything's going smooth!
Whoo hoo!