Guys not to date

Add guys who purposefully do things to get arrested when they get dumped to your list of guys not to date - Man throws beer at officer to get in trouble.

I remember my economics teacher in high school coming to school once with a shaved head. He'd gotten dumped over the weekend and so he shaved his head to "show her." I hadn't had a whole lot of respect for the guy before then, and that certainly didn't help (not that I was EVER interested in dating teachers, but I kind of expect my teachers to be adults, and this guy was one in age only).

I dumped a guy once. I'll go into the story of why at another time. But in my mind he really should've seen it coming. As far as I know though, he never did anything stupid as a result (although he had a penchant for getting hit by cars). Which just proves my point. If you do something stupid because someone dumped you, they will probably never even know about it.

Working together

Yesterday, Roscoe and I ran a LOT of errands together. Post office, clothing store, groceries, and some other things I'm surely forgetting. We also tried to set up the Internet in our new apartment together and after 90 minutes on the phone, mostly on hold, got a really late start on our errands and an appointment with a tech. We also worked out together and studied side by side.

Today, we worked with the tech to get the Internet up and running for real. We made dinner together and cleaned up together. We got our portion of the wedding invitations stuffed and hand-corrected a typo on all of them. We updated our wedding registry and finalized our wedsite.

Was it the most fun work? Not always. But was it fun to do it together? Absolutely. I don't think couples need to be joined at the hip all the time, but I do think they need to share burdens and work together. It has helped us grow and strengthened our relationship. Plus, it really is more enjoyable to run errands and do the business of being us with Roscoe. We had time to talk and hold hands and make decisions together. I'll take that over running errands alone any day!

It Is What It Is

It's been a rough couple of months in my little world.  There have been two funerals in four weeks in my ward--funerals for people I admire and care deeply for, and it's been very difficult.  There have been financial crises and car problems and surprise weight gain and illness.  I've been slightly depressed for weeks, I don't know how I fit into my new job, and I don't wear my favorite clothes there because they could be considered too embellished or decorative for what I'm doing now.  I need to dust my house, I need to clean off my desk, I need to get my car inspected before I get pulled over for having an expired registration.  I need to put my summer clothes away and get out my winter clothes, but that is hard to do when it is 75 degrees on Halloween and I feel uncomfortable wearing my colorful tights to work.

I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted right now.  I don't feel like myself and I can't figure out if it's my new job or something else that is eating at me.  I enjoy the work, but I don't LOVE it, and sometimes I feel guilty because of that.  But, really, should I be wearing myself out trying to LOVE my job, or should I instead be focused on doing my job well and being reliable?  My boss wants me to LOVE my job, and I don't know how to break it to him that that is probably never going to happen.  Work is something I do to pay the bills.  If I enjoy it (or don't resent it) most of the time, that's great, but I can think of only one job that I'll actually LOVE:  being a wife and mom.  Unfortunately, I don't see myself getting that job any time soon, so I have to keep deflecting my boss's questions about how much I LOVE my job.  I suppose I'll eventually have to have that conversation with him, and he'll tell me that maybe I should be looking for something else to do, and then I'll go home and cry because the things I really want to do aren't exactly easy to get.

That seems like the cycle of my 30s:  make big plans, realize that big plans cost money, remember that I got a non-technical degree, look at grad schools, apply for grad schools, get rejected from grad schools, find a job I don't resent on a daily basis, wonder why I'm slightly depressed, make big plans...

Fortunately, in the midst of all of that, I have a pretty great family and some really great friends.  I even occasionally get to flirt with handsome men and wear my pretty things, so it could be worse.  Like it'll be if I hit my 40s still single and being paid less than I'm worth...

Whirlwind

Hello strangers. Last we spoke, I was giving online dating a shot. I went on a few dates, mostly duds. Well, all duds eventually. John Denver also turned out to be a disaster.

So I threw myself back into school and work and the single life I actually enjoyed.

And then I got a layoff notice.

And then I met someone.

And I spent the summer unemployed and falling in love (and doing some school work) and blogging was not high on my priority list.

And now? I'm getting married next month! And planning our wedding! And moving into our new apartment! Oh, and I'm working part-time and prepping for graduation next semester.

So, life is busy, but oh so wonderful. My fiancé, Roscoe Jones, is amazing and I can't wait to be his wife!

I'm going to try and use some of this month's NaBloPoMo and tell some of our story. Or talk about wedding plans. Or, on busy days, share some of my favorite quotes about love.

I am an incredibly blessed woman. Roscoe has definitely been worth the wait!

Apathetic directionless waiters

I had some friends back when, who thought they could set me up on dates because they had the perfect guy for me. We were both LDS and both single, how much more compatibility do you need!

By this point in my life I had done a few things, like graduate from college, start a career, serve a mission, work in a foreign country. My life had a direction and I was actively pursuing life.

I remember one of those blind dates that went pretty much like this Dilbert date. The guy really had no long term plans. Choking to death on an olive while clinging to failure in a fabric covered cubicle wasn't outside the realm of items on his "five year plan" at that point.

And it wasn't attractive.

I wasn't judging him because he was still in college, but by the fact that he had no idea why he was in college or really what he was going to do after. Have a dream for crying out loud!

One song that I refuse to listen to is John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change." To me that song symbolizes the apparent apathetic approach to life that far too many people have today. You don't wait for the world to change, you go out and make it happen, in whatever way you can. Apathetic directionless waiters are not attractive dates and make for boring dinner conversation.

Birth Control

There are certain things that are kind of awkward to discuss in polite society. So I'm going to discuss it here on the internet because it seems that anything goes on the internet.

I want to start with this quote from Elder Andersen's talk in the October 2011 General Conference:

When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.

I want it to be very clear from the beginning that I am not anti-birth control. There are personal reasons related to the physical, mental, and emotional health of parents that they need to consider with the Lord and not with anyone else. They are personal considerations.

That being said, I've had some ponderings on birth control lately that I hope can be discussed respectfully.

Before getting married my basic understanding of birth control, outside of abstinence, was either "the pill" (hormonal birth control) or condoms. I didn't even realize there were so many different types of hormonal birth control out there. Or other forms of barrier methods.

When I got married the so-you're-going-to-get-married-and-have-sex-now talk with my mom consisted of her saying three words - "I suggest condoms." Because of everything being said everywhere else, we figured we'd use pills. My understanding was they work perfectly and were super easy and had no side effects (the ad agency on that one is doing a real good job).

And then I started looking more into it. And there are a TON of side effects. Granted, incidence of side effects are small, but did I really want to risk weight fluctuations, mood swings, altering my natural hormonal balance, and random break through bleeding in the lead up to our wedding while I adjusted to pills? No, not really.

I'd also heard of IUDs. Which can have hormones or not and are supposed to be super convenient. Although generally doctors like you to have a baby before they give you one of those. I know a lot of people that have an IUD.

But there's one thing I wonder about IUDs. Because IUDs don't prevent fertilization the way a barrier method like condoms or diaphragms do, or even some hormonal pills. IUDs prevent pregnancy by preventing the implantation of a growing embryo.

I know I'm completely biased on this topic because I have pictures of eleven of our growing embryos, two of which implanted and continued to grow for a while and what I want now more than anything in the world is for an embryo to implant again and keep growing.

With that being said, what I'm wondering is how these wonderful people I know who have IUDs feel about when life begins. I know they are all against abortion. Is it then okay to prevent life from continuing to grow through implantation but not okay to stop it from growing after implantation? Do they know that's how an IUD works? I've seen on other places around the internet where people who are not LDS are wondering the exact same things about their LDS friends with IUDs.

So you see, not exactly questions I could bring up at a family dinner. What are your thoughts on birth control options and when life begins?

Please keep the discussion respectful. This is me trying to understand how others think, not tell others how to think. I have my thoughts and opinions and you have yours. Please help me understand your thoughts and opinions. We reserve the rights we have as blog administrators to do what we need to do to keep the discussion respectful.

Too much

There have been some pretty big changes in my life recently.  I don't do well with change--I think I've discussed this before--even when the change is ultimately for my own good.  The last several weeks have been particularly difficult:  I unexpectedly got a new job, one of my dearest friends got married and moved away, another friend moved across the country, and a project I lovingly worked on for nearly four months ended.  All in the same week.  It was really rough on me, but I willed myself not to break down even though I cried at my friend's wedding and reception.
Today, I finally lost it.  I've been doing some training in another city for my new job, and, gas prices being what they are, I took the bus and train to get there.  For one reason and another, I missed the last express bus and sobbed in my car because of it. . . and everything else.  I haven't cried like that for a long time, but out it came and there I was, in my car in the station parking lot, crying for all the world to see.  I cried for a good 10 minutes, but managed to pull myself together, make peace with the idea of being nearly an hour late for work, and I got on another bus.

The same bus a distasteful, socially awkward, and (now) unattractive ex-boyfriend was on.  I couldn't avoid him and was angry and annoyed that he was there, sitting next to me, trying to talk about my life.  He annoys me SO MUCH I can't even describe it, but you know how you look at someone you used to date and wonder what in the world possessed you to find him attractive?  Sigh.  I was stuck with him for over an hour and it was a relief to leave him on a street corner and cross to my building, hoping to never see him again.  He makes me gag a little and I'm glad I stopped spending time with him at all.  I mostly did it to be nice, but it wasn't worth it.  I'm upset with myself that I spent so much time with him, hoping maybe he wouldn't annoy me so much, when I could have been with someone I actually like, like a friend or a sister.

It's a good thing my afternoon was much better than my morning, but I'll be really glad for the short commute to my actual office to start soon.  I don't want to think about any other weirdos I'll meet on the train...