Doing something right

Trixie said she was interested to know when it would hit me that I'm married. While there have been a few moments where that reality has been there for me, for the most part, it really doesn't feel that different than it did before. But I think that's because we did at least one thing right.

Other than living together and the benefits of being married, it still keeps feeling like we are on one big long date. That doesn't mean that we're walking on eggshells or always dressed up and on our best behavior though. Sure that was how our first few dates were, just as the first few always are in any relationship. But for at least a year before we got engaged our dates were just a natural outflow of our daily lives. We saw each other dressed up for dates, but we also saw each other doing laundry, exercising, going to work, studying, in the hospital (it was me in the hospital, and it still ranks as one of HP's favorite days, it might be the drugs they gave me, but it was pretty fun for me too). So now the only difference is, at the end of the "date," we go to the same bed instead of going to different homes.

A friend asked me today how I enjoyed married life, and I told her, honestly, it doesn't feel much different than before. The marriage just flowed naturally from the courtship. To me, that means that somewhere in the mess that can be dating, we must have done something good.

Thanks, but no thanks

One of the talents I envy most in others is the ability to wrap their thoughts and feelings perfectly into 2-5 minute musical segments. There are some songs that just perfectly communicate what I'm thinking and say it better than I ever could.

Roxie made a suggestion for a theme song for this blog. I heartily agree, but I'd like to throw these two in the mix as well.





Unfortunately, thanks to a little surprise I found in my Facebook last night, this is more along the lines of what I'm feeling today. Warning: adult language, which I normally wouldn't put on this blog (or any, really), but she just captures the feelings so nicely. If you'd rather not listen because of that, no problem, as you can get the gist of it from the title.



Remember when I left The Homeland and said I was glad not to have accidentally run into certain people ever again? (Except when I visit, just ask Trixie, I'm on high alert the whole time.) The internet has changed all that. It's also a good confirmation that I really need to work on forgiveness this year.

Third Wheel

I have been blessed with married friends who have sense on how to "deal" with singletons. By deal, of course, I mean treat like normal people, friends who see me as everything I am including a singleton. I also like that I'm friends with both halves of the couple and feel equally comfortable talking to either of them. It's not awkward being the "third wheel" if I don't have anyone to bring around. I think it helps that with the two local couple friends I see the most, I met both of them around the same time and that I've known one of the couples since we were in high school (and they weren't a couple yet). He used to have such nice hair . . .

I recently bonded with another married woman. We met a few years ago and see each other regularly, but for various reasons haven't clicked until the last few weeks. I honestly feel like I've wasted so much time not getting to this know dear friend before, since we just clicked once we really started talking, but I'm thrilled to have her in my life now. Of course, now that we ARE friends, it didn't take long before I met the husband I'd heard so much about.

I don't think he knew what to do with me.

When I visited their family last week, we were properly introduced, but only moments later he told his wife, not me, that her friend needed to move her car since the neighbor was complaining. I don't think he even looked at me the rest of the time I was there.

I was concerned for the next several days that it was going to always be like this. I'd heard such wonderful things about him, and my friend loved him, of course, so I hoped it was just that I was new to him, not that he didn't like me or was concerned about my personal status. (e.g. Oh no! Single female! Married man! Inappropriate!). If I'm going to part of her life, I'd like to get to know her whole family too, just so that we're all comfortable around each other.

I didn't get a chance to talk to my friend about it before I arrived again last night. I was staying at their house for the night, as I'd flown into the airport near their house quite late and didn't want to make the drive all the way home at that hour.

Fortunately, it was much nicer experience. As soon as my friend and I entered, he asked how I was, and then showed me around the room I'd be sleeping in. This morning was equally cordial.

I was glad that I worried for nothing. I hope we can even be friends eventually.

The good news is that I've never had to worry about my friends' children liking me. Even this couple's 3-year-old warmed up to me unusually fast, or so I'm told.

I hope that when I am married, I can return the favor my married friends have given me.

For Christmas

Everyone keeps wishing us a happy first Christmas together. What do you want to bet that next year nobody will mention that it's our second Christmas together? But it was a good Christmas.

HP mentioned the other night that in the past he always felt that he needed to be moving on with his life at the holidays, that he was still doing what he'd always done and needed to do something more in the next year. I think a lot of people would say that about the holidays. And just like Big Bird, some times it's people we want more than things for Christmas, whether that's to be with our family we've always had, or the family we will have some day.



(I've never danced on the telephone either Big Bird.)

Or, if you prefer a more grown-up version of that idea that's not exactly tied to a holiday, Michael Bublé's latest song "Haven't Met You Yet" is absolutely wonderful (and quite possibly the theme song for this blog).



There were so many times when I just knew that things would be great and I'd be willing to work through all the things that weren't so great just as soon as I met the right person. And if there's anything I learned through my dating experiences, you really never do know when you'll meet them.

The Art of Manliness does it again

It's a really good thing that The Art of Manliness has a bigger readership, particularly male, than we do. That way I know that quite a few men saw the latest post by these fine gentlemen - Road Map to the Perfect First Date.

Yes, please. I would love a first date like that. It's cool, collected, respectful, but not over the top, everything a first date should be.

Unfortunately, in today's dating world, too many woman might not appreciate that kind of chivalry, finding it outdated and absurd. Still, let it be known that are women who would.

I am one of them.

My life is not my own

A young man died in a cave in Utah recently. Those kinds of stories are always sad for me. A young life cut short. But it was the line that started, "He is survived by..." in the news article that really got to me. Aside from parents, siblings, and friends, he left behind a pregnant wife and a small daughter.

I almost teared up reading that sentence.

Before getting married, my life was mine. I could set my schedule. I decided where I went. I decided what my goals were and how I pursued them. And if I were to die I would leave behind friends and family, but it would not greatly changed the identity of anyone. My parents would still be parents. My siblings would still be siblings.

But that's all changed now. I still set my schedule, I just make sure someone knows about it now. I'm still me, but there's someone who it effects now. And now, if I were to die, HP would not just lose a friend, he'd lose his wife and he'd be a widower. He'd have a whole new label to who he is.

Whenever I have heard stories like this young man in the cave before, I always felt that I've spent enough of my life alone already, I should be able to get to spend a lot of time not being alone now. I don't want to tell someone what they should do with their life, but there's a part of me that breathes a sigh of relief when he tells me he thinks his scuba and sky diving days are over.

Can you pick up some groceries on your way to see me?

As I have every Christmas for the last five Christmases, I'll be asking Santa for a boyfriend. Of course, I'd like one year-round, but I always make sure to add one to my Christmas list, just in case.

In addition to year-round, and Christmas, there are couple other times I could really get used to having a boyfriend.

1. Vacation

With Roxie's wedding and the Thanksgiving holiday, I've done a lot of traveling lately. While it would be nice to have a travel companion, I mean, in this case, that it would be nice to have someone to come home (figuratively, though eventually literally) to after a vacation. After a week of family and/or friends, where people are happy to see you almost everywhere you turn, it's rather depressing to arrive at an airport late at night and remember that no one is waiting to see you on the other end. You parked your car at the airport, so you'll be driving yourself home, after you wait at baggage claim all by yourself, surrounded only by your fellow travel-weary plane-mates. Alone. Alone. Alone.

2. Being sick

I had a bit of cold last week, and while the symptoms were actually pretty mild, it pretty much wiped me out. Growing up, I could always count on Mom to take care of me. Now, all I can do is call her and whimper, but then get off my duff and shuffle my own self to the store for supplies (medicine/comfort food). I especially dislike when the cashier doesn't pay attention to my purchases and asks the quintessential small talk question - "How are you today?" I'd like to say "I'm in my sweats buying cold medicine, orange juice, and cookies. How do you think I am?" Fortunately, I usually still have my wits, so I say "I'm fine, thanks." and "How are you?" Then I go home, down a Sudafed or two, and try to sleep it off. It would be really nice to have someone else run to the drugstore, make me soup, or just change the DVDs.

In both cases, it would be incredibly helpful to have someone else to help me stock the fridge. I try to eat my perishables before I leave on vacation, so there isn't a lot waiting for me when I return. When I'm sick, I want to have easy to fix foods on hand, something I don't usually keep around. And in both cases, I'm particularly tired and grocery shopping isn't exactly my favorite chore even when I'm not. So, once again, to be able to count on someone else to assist me with this for a day or two would be lovely.

Of course, it would be great to have someone to look forward to seeing after a long day of work, not just after vacation, or someone else to help cook any day I don't feel like it. (Though one good reason to live and work solo is that I don't catch a lot of germs and haven't really been that sick for a few years now (knock on wood).)

There are just some days that absence is more poignant than others.