When someone calls me mom

Today is Mother's Day. And I'm finding myself struggling with mixed emotions.

For six years I was in a ward that honored all of the women in the ward on this day, and not just with flowers that would die within the week. They had Church CDs or small Church books. The men on Father's Day got king sized candy bars. I never really felt alone or childless on Mother's Day in that ward. I simply felt like one of the honored mothers in Zion.

I was in a different ward last year that did absolutely nothing for the day other than a few talks. It was quite the let down for me. And it was probably compounded by the fact that I'd past the point where I was not going to be a mother in my twenties, but my baby sister was going to be a mom in just over three months. I was struggling last year with what value my life could have if I wasn't a mother.

Now I'm in yet another ward, and I've been nervous about what they would do. How they would treat this day? Would I be included or excluded in this ward?

I love my mother deeply. She's half the reason I am who I am today (my father is the other half, he gets his day next month). And I honor her on this day. Yet at the same time I find myself wondering just when my deepest desire to be a wife and a mother will happen.

Of all the names and titles I have in my life, I cannot wait till someone calls me mom.